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Funereal! A philosophical state of mind
Attitude here is dismal, with occasional bursts of loud. My aunt has to give a speech at the funeral, but she kept getting frustrated and tearing up her speeches, so my mother convinced her that I should write the speech. Thanks Mom, no pressure or anything, right?
I can't write because I don't have access to a good computer or writing surface; I can't move because my backneckshoulder are killlling me. But I've been driving. :D
More on the funeral tomorrow, or Monday, or something. I KNOW YOU'RE ALL REALLY EAGER TO KNOW ALL THE GORY DETAILS, RIGHT?
It's funny, you don't really think about it, but public facades are kind of reassuring. I've heard people say that they think it's healthier in cultures where you're not expected to be calm and composed in the presence of others, that it's better to just grieve out in the open instead of locking it up inside. ...think I heard that on Six Feet Under.
But it's kind of... good, to know that you can compose yourself. It's not a matter of discomfortalthough it's incredibly uncomfortable to be there when someone is grieving but it's just a good sign.
My mom kept saying, "They're devastated. They don't show it, but Grandma is so upset, and Poppy is really hurting. And Aunt Frannie is just heartbroken." And... of course they are. They should be. Their only grandson, Aunt Frannie's 19-year-old son, is dead.
It doesn't worry me that when they're alone, they're mourning. But it would worry me a lot more if they couldn't pretend -- don't eat, don't pay attention to their surroundings, don't play nice with others. That was what I was afraid of, when I thought about my aunt, who's lost everything: divorced, alone, and bitter, living in my grandmother's basement, etc. Scott was everything to her. But she can still pretend, so I feel like... maybe she'll make it, until maybe, someday, she'll be okay again.
ETA: I forgot to mention today was my grandfather's birthday. Do you know how hard it is to get a birthday card that isn't "Wishing you the best birthday ever!" or "Enjoy your special day!"? Not exactly appropriate, when it's the day before your grandson's funeral.
I can't write because I don't have access to a good computer or writing surface; I can't move because my backneckshoulder are killlling me. But I've been driving. :D
More on the funeral tomorrow, or Monday, or something. I KNOW YOU'RE ALL REALLY EAGER TO KNOW ALL THE GORY DETAILS, RIGHT?
It's funny, you don't really think about it, but public facades are kind of reassuring. I've heard people say that they think it's healthier in cultures where you're not expected to be calm and composed in the presence of others, that it's better to just grieve out in the open instead of locking it up inside. ...think I heard that on Six Feet Under.
But it's kind of... good, to know that you can compose yourself. It's not a matter of discomfort
My mom kept saying, "They're devastated. They don't show it, but Grandma is so upset, and Poppy is really hurting. And Aunt Frannie is just heartbroken." And... of course they are. They should be. Their only grandson, Aunt Frannie's 19-year-old son, is dead.
It doesn't worry me that when they're alone, they're mourning. But it would worry me a lot more if they couldn't pretend -- don't eat, don't pay attention to their surroundings, don't play nice with others. That was what I was afraid of, when I thought about my aunt, who's lost everything: divorced, alone, and bitter, living in my grandmother's basement, etc. Scott was everything to her. But she can still pretend, so I feel like... maybe she'll make it, until maybe, someday, she'll be okay again.
ETA: I forgot to mention today was my grandfather's birthday. Do you know how hard it is to get a birthday card that isn't "Wishing you the best birthday ever!" or "Enjoy your special day!"? Not exactly appropriate, when it's the day before your grandson's funeral.