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Bleach Movie 2: Diamond Dust Rebellion
Li and I are watching some mediocre anime Bleach for the lulz! Second movie, third movie, then zanpakutou arcs lololol. Anyway, thoughts on the second movie! I didn't Twitter them but I should have.
This is literally how I summarized the premise of the movie for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
apapazukamori:
Kay: ...This movie is so ridiculous.
Kay: It's based on the premise that Hitsugaya had a best friend in the academy who no one but him remembers existing, and they BOTH have Hyourinmaru as a zanpakutou, which
Kay: Uh
Kay: Makes no sense in any way, but especially not for Hitsugaya, Hyourinmaru has been calling for Hitsugaya for as long as he can remember
Kay: It obviously had made a choice??
Kay: Anyway then Soul Society is like, the day before they graduate
Kay: "So only one person can have a zanpakutou at a time, because of how reality works"
Kay: "So you two have to fight to the death"
Kay: And Hitsugaya is like "noes my bff that no one I know has ever heard of!"
Kay: And this other dude is like "OKAY I GUESS BUT I SADFACE"
Kay: And then the Soul Society goes "LOL JUST KIDDING"
Kay: "WE ONLY DID THAT TO SEE WHO WOULD ATTACK FIRST"
Kay: "YOU AUTO-LOSE"
Kay: And then they kill him, like extremely cartoonish villains
Kay: But he's not really dead!!!!!
Kay: And now they both have Hyourinmaru and it's like. Wow. This is dumb.
So Hitsugaya runs off after his still-alive bff. Soul Society overreacts.
Yamamoto: "WE'RE PUTTING THE ENTIRE TENTH DIVISION UNDER HOUSE ARREST. MAYBE WE'LL ABOLISH IT ENTIRELY, I DON'T KNOW."
But-- but then why do the 3rd, 5th, and 9th divisions still exist-- If you just get rid of a division every time the captain lames out! WTF? And the entire division is under house arrest and gets their zanpakutou confiscated, but, you know, Kira actually literally helped the bad guys and no one really seemed interested in punishing him.
Hinamori was Lieutenant Not-Appearing-In-this-Film. They briefly go, "You know, if this guy was Hitsugaya's friend, shouldn't Hinamori know about him?" and then go "Nah, why would she know anything about someone important to him just because she's his best friend since early childhood and hung out with him all the time throughout their careers and is the reason he learned his zanpakutou's name?" And then later the villain insinuates that the only reason Hitsugaya is still with the laughably evil Soul Society is because of that "pure innocent girl," and Hitsugaya tells him to leave Hinamori out of this. Well, whatever, I'm sure she wouldn't have had any interesting reactions to the only other person she trusts completely betraying Soul Society!
Renji and Rukia find Ichigo unconscious after a fight with Hitsugaya and/or some Randomcar, I can't remember, and Renji decides to resuscitate Ichigo, e.g. punch him until he wakes up. You see, punching is better than CPR, since Renji doesn't want to perform CPR on him, and Renji also doesn't want Rukia to perform CPR on him.
Ichigo challenges the assertion that Hitsugaya's friend must be "very strong" because Hitsugaya was obviously upset, and "How could someone strong go around hurting people who care about him?" I have nothing mocking to say here, it's so adorable and such an Ichigo thing to say.
Back at Soul Society, some research has been done and we've decided that since apparently each graduating class from the academy has a set number of graduates, we can tell that someone is missing from Hitsugaya's graduating class! This makes total sense because no one ever canonically skips grades or 2/3rds of their entire schooling (except for Gin and Kaien ad probably Hitsugaya) and it's really super healthy for an institution like this to have a minimum quota of thugs to crank out each month, it's not like they're looking for quality over quantity or anything.
The jerk and Hitsugaya end up fighting two different people in two different places at the same time, so Ukitake et al find out that there's two Hyourinmarus. They go to Mayuri to ask how this is possible, and Mayuri basically laughs and says that this is RIDICULOUSLY not possible. A zanpakutou is born from inside your soul, and they form a contract with you, so it's just not possible for one zanpakutou to hussy around with two people. The movie is not interested in logic, and continues on instead of ending instantly, literally imploding from its own canon fail.
The bad guy is apparently Voldemort! He stayed dead for like fifty years and then randomly "reincarnated" in Hueco Mundo and ran off with some Arrancar and a shit ton of Menos Grande to steal a major artifact. You'd think Aizen would object to some of his minions running off to help this douchebag, but, hey, Aizen's Hueco Mundo is a laid-back place, man.
We pretend that Hitsugaya is in a very dramatic situation because he loves his douchebag abusive criminal best friend, but his friend is such a-- well, that, that I really have no interest in him or sympathy for his alleged plight. Plus, the absurdity negates the impact of his senseless slaughter. ...also his abusive douchebagness.
After staggering around all movie half-dead and fighting off people who want to kill the guy who committed crimes and should've been dead in the first place, Hitsugaya has a high tension face-off with Ichigo. They argue about emotional strength and being a man and trusting your friends. Then motherfucking Kenpachi barrels right in there to fight the villain, all "FUCK YES, THIS BITCH LOOKS STRONG! FIGHT ME!" Kenpachi's cackling is definitely the high point of this movie for me.
I have nothing more to say other than lame villain is lame, and for all the big deal that was made out of this, there was very little Rangiku, or 10th OTPness in general. But it was pretty when the big monster died, with Hyourinmaru all coiled around him and biting his neck.
This is literally how I summarized the premise of the movie for
apapazukamori:Kay: ...This movie is so ridiculous.
Kay: It's based on the premise that Hitsugaya had a best friend in the academy who no one but him remembers existing, and they BOTH have Hyourinmaru as a zanpakutou, which
Kay: Uh
Kay: Makes no sense in any way, but especially not for Hitsugaya, Hyourinmaru has been calling for Hitsugaya for as long as he can remember
Kay: It obviously had made a choice??
Kay: Anyway then Soul Society is like, the day before they graduate
Kay: "So only one person can have a zanpakutou at a time, because of how reality works"
Kay: "So you two have to fight to the death"
Kay: And Hitsugaya is like "noes my bff that no one I know has ever heard of!"
Kay: And this other dude is like "OKAY I GUESS BUT I SADFACE"
Kay: And then the Soul Society goes "LOL JUST KIDDING"
Kay: "WE ONLY DID THAT TO SEE WHO WOULD ATTACK FIRST"
Kay: "YOU AUTO-LOSE"
Kay: And then they kill him, like extremely cartoonish villains
Kay: But he's not really dead!!!!!
Kay: And now they both have Hyourinmaru and it's like. Wow. This is dumb.
So Hitsugaya runs off after his still-alive bff. Soul Society overreacts.
Yamamoto: "WE'RE PUTTING THE ENTIRE TENTH DIVISION UNDER HOUSE ARREST. MAYBE WE'LL ABOLISH IT ENTIRELY, I DON'T KNOW."
But-- but then why do the 3rd, 5th, and 9th divisions still exist-- If you just get rid of a division every time the captain lames out! WTF? And the entire division is under house arrest and gets their zanpakutou confiscated, but, you know, Kira actually literally helped the bad guys and no one really seemed interested in punishing him.
Hinamori was Lieutenant Not-Appearing-In-this-Film. They briefly go, "You know, if this guy was Hitsugaya's friend, shouldn't Hinamori know about him?" and then go "Nah, why would she know anything about someone important to him just because she's his best friend since early childhood and hung out with him all the time throughout their careers and is the reason he learned his zanpakutou's name?" And then later the villain insinuates that the only reason Hitsugaya is still with the laughably evil Soul Society is because of that "pure innocent girl," and Hitsugaya tells him to leave Hinamori out of this. Well, whatever, I'm sure she wouldn't have had any interesting reactions to the only other person she trusts completely betraying Soul Society!
Renji and Rukia find Ichigo unconscious after a fight with Hitsugaya and/or some Randomcar, I can't remember, and Renji decides to resuscitate Ichigo, e.g. punch him until he wakes up. You see, punching is better than CPR, since Renji doesn't want to perform CPR on him, and Renji also doesn't want Rukia to perform CPR on him.
Ichigo challenges the assertion that Hitsugaya's friend must be "very strong" because Hitsugaya was obviously upset, and "How could someone strong go around hurting people who care about him?" I have nothing mocking to say here, it's so adorable and such an Ichigo thing to say.
Back at Soul Society, some research has been done and we've decided that since apparently each graduating class from the academy has a set number of graduates, we can tell that someone is missing from Hitsugaya's graduating class! This makes total sense because no one ever canonically skips grades or 2/3rds of their entire schooling (except for Gin and Kaien ad probably Hitsugaya) and it's really super healthy for an institution like this to have a minimum quota of thugs to crank out each month, it's not like they're looking for quality over quantity or anything.
The jerk and Hitsugaya end up fighting two different people in two different places at the same time, so Ukitake et al find out that there's two Hyourinmarus. They go to Mayuri to ask how this is possible, and Mayuri basically laughs and says that this is RIDICULOUSLY not possible. A zanpakutou is born from inside your soul, and they form a contract with you, so it's just not possible for one zanpakutou to hussy around with two people. The movie is not interested in logic, and continues on instead of ending instantly, literally imploding from its own canon fail.
The bad guy is apparently Voldemort! He stayed dead for like fifty years and then randomly "reincarnated" in Hueco Mundo and ran off with some Arrancar and a shit ton of Menos Grande to steal a major artifact. You'd think Aizen would object to some of his minions running off to help this douchebag, but, hey, Aizen's Hueco Mundo is a laid-back place, man.
We pretend that Hitsugaya is in a very dramatic situation because he loves his douchebag abusive criminal best friend, but his friend is such a-- well, that, that I really have no interest in him or sympathy for his alleged plight. Plus, the absurdity negates the impact of his senseless slaughter. ...also his abusive douchebagness.
After staggering around all movie half-dead and fighting off people who want to kill the guy who committed crimes and should've been dead in the first place, Hitsugaya has a high tension face-off with Ichigo. They argue about emotional strength and being a man and trusting your friends. Then motherfucking Kenpachi barrels right in there to fight the villain, all "FUCK YES, THIS BITCH LOOKS STRONG! FIGHT ME!" Kenpachi's cackling is definitely the high point of this movie for me.
I have nothing more to say other than lame villain is lame, and for all the big deal that was made out of this, there was very little Rangiku, or 10th OTPness in general. But it was pretty when the big monster died, with Hyourinmaru all coiled around him and biting his neck.