Mass Effect liveplay (complete)

[sincere]

Spent two hours wrestling with my taxes, gave up. I'll have to go to H&R Block next weekend and pay them to take this mess off my hands. Also spent some time looking at apartments/houses?? but it was not fruitful.

Meanwhile, I have been having the random want to replace all my icons with The World Ends With You character poses. Like, FUCK YOU, YURI AND SIF AND DINOSAUR ICONS. I NEED TWENTY ICONS OF SHIKI MAKING FLIPPY HAND GESTURES.



And finally, Mass Effect liveplay, continued from here. Mass Effect, pages 1-8. Mass Effect 2, pages 8-15. Mass Effect 3, pages 15-24.


Latest: ...finished...

Spacer sentinel with traumatic survivor backstory and adorable facial scar! LET'S GO.

Comments

[sincere]

THIS GAME IS PLAYING A GAME CALLED "HOW MANY TIMES CAN ASHLEY AND SHEPARD BE AT ODDS BEFORE MY BRAIN BREAKS"

So we finally get to the Council -- which includes Udina -- and Ashley is protecting them. Now Shepard gets to explain to them that Udina is a traitor while Udina loudly insists that Shepard is a traitor.

[sincere]

Ashley wavers, but Shepard tells her boys to lower their weapons and she talks calmly and assertively. You know I'm not with Cerberus and I would never do this. The councilors are not wholly comfortable with Udina anyway, and Ashley is not sure, and Udina turns the tables by going "FUCK THIS NOISE" and trying to open the elevator anyway.

The asari councilor tries to stop him and he shoves her and then pulls a gun on her, and I reflexively squeeze the triggers and Shepard shoots Udina.

Problem... solved...?

[sincere]

Bailey arrives in the elevator and says the Cerberus troops took off, but he confirms Shepard's story that Udina was behind everything. The turian councilor thanks her (also for, you know, that peace with the krogan thing) and we all go off to finish saving the Citadel.

[sincere]

The assassin, Kai Leng, informs the Illusive Man that the plan failed and Udina is dead. IM says he's surprised that Kai Leng let Shepard get the best of him.

Kai Leng: It won't happen again.
IM: Sure, it won't. Goddamn Shepard and her goddamn conscience, it's supposed to be her doing my evil errands.

[sincere]

Bailey informs us that Kai Leng vanished into the ether, and Thane is at Huerta Memorial in surgery, where there were complications, of the "not a lot of drell blood in the blood bank" variety.

EVERYONE STOP DYING

[sincere]

Bailey: You can tell him the salarian councilor said he's a hero.
Bailey: You know, to... make things easier on him.

[sincere]

Me: JELLYFISH /buys

I imagine nothing puts my Shepard's mind at ease like her fish.

[sincere]

Me: MODEL SHIPS /buys

And her collecting.

[sincere]

omg I can't even stand how cute Shepard and James are

Shepard: ..............James.
James: /in the refugee camp /playin' poker
Shepard: Enjoying yourself?
James: What does it look like?
Shepard: Just try not to enjoy yourself too much. Those clothes are Alliance property.
James: Have a little faith, Lola!

[sincere]

Ashley is waiting for Shepard en route to the Normandy! She's... troubled. Trying to make sense of things. Shepard reassures her about it all, and Ashley admits that Hackett offered her a position on his team.

But... she wants to rejoin the Normandy.

Welcome aboard bb yayyyy

Handshake and warm fuzzy feelings and yayyyy something happened that wasn't horrible!!

[sincere]

Anderson and Hackett rant about Udina being an asshole and Cerberus being inscrutable. The former also growls about our assassin Kai Leng.

Anderson: I shot him in both legs once. Thought that'd be the end of him. But he just showed up again stronger than ever.

Since Cerberus can rebuild entire people, can't be too surprised about that, I guess... But at least the attack on the Citadel has won war effort support from the salarians and asari. Suck it, losers. Last to the party!

The Crucible is well underway but we still don't understand how it works and how to keep it from killing everyone. The turian fleet is stretched thin, so let's throw in some quarian fleet! We should go talk to them.

[slayerofgod]

Pro-tip: After you get the e-mail about Kai-Leng, go to the Spectre office and call Miranda there. Something bad happens otherwise.

[sincere]

So everyone wants to talk to me now, because I'm popular and pretty.

Shepard calls Traynor up to her room when I investigate the big blue nav button calling me over to the computer. Traynor admires Shepard's room, which is weird, because I know she's been in here before, including the first time we met her, when she talked about how she retrofitted the ship, but apparently she's never noticed it had space in it before. Anyway, she enjoys the shower's functionality, because the ones on the crew deck are crappy, and then invites Shepard to play chess and maybe give her some pointers.

Shepard: > How about a shower?
Shepard: > That's it?

...WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS

THIS CONVERSATION WAS GOING SO NORMALLY

AND SUDDENLY

"LET'S GET IN MY SHOWER"

[slayerofgod]

The latter option isn't as bad as it sounds.

[sincere]

Calling up James! He wants Shepard's opinion on something, but first he admires her model ships. Damn straight. He says, "So this is what I can look forward to when I've got my own ship." Shepard teases him about his lofty dreams, and he says, "Yeah, for when I'm old and can't fight worth shit anymore." Burrrrn.

He was asked to join N7 and it's a big responsibility and he's not sure if he's ready -- not when the last time he was in a command position, he got everyone killed. Shepard tells him it's not his fault: he did what he had to, and sometimes that isn't easy, and it doesn't always end well. But if the higher-ups promoted him, they must've thought he did alright.

[sincere]

James: I'm heading back to the hangar. Things are a little too... soft in here for me.
Shepard: The bed's a lot harder than it looks.
James: Are you flirting with me, Lola?
Shepard: /stares down
James: All right all right I'm going.

I love them.

[sincere]

Joker: Now all we need is a gun that shoots thresher maws.

Joker: Now all we need is a gun that shoots thresher maws.

Joker: Now all we need is a gun that shoots thresher maws.

[rainfall]

Sign me up.

[sincere]

I have encountered a hilarious glitch on the Citadel

Where I was doing something in the holding docks, and suddenly Conrad Verner appears out of nowhere and goes, "THERE'S MY CERBERUS CONTACT" and I'm like, who what now? Where did you come from? And then he takes a bullet for Shepard.

And I don't know... what he's doing here or what the context is because I didn't even know he was in the game yet!

[rainfall]

/dies of laughter

It is so easy for me to assume I just missed something, but... NOPE not this time!

[sincere]

One last little run-around. There's a Citadel sidequest involving a batarian who's been running around sabotaging and killing humans -- over a hundred -- and Shepard finally tracks him down, but ends up with a gun pointed at her head.

He's the highest-ranking soldier left of the batarian hegemony and he wants vengeance for the Bahak system. She insists that the Reapers would have killed his people when they came through anyway. But he still wants revenge, and he's about to kill her, and I get the option "Kill him", which I'm sure would have been impressive from arm's length with her back to him and a gun at her neck, and "Join us! / You need me." paragon/renegade persuades. I choose "Join us" and she convinces him that the ones he should really be fighting are the Reapers.

He gives her his forces, and then Shepard's contact runs up to her.

Contact: Are you okay? Your feed cut out!
Shepard: I'm fine. You won't be having problems with those codes anymore.
Contact: What-- ...That batarian? You want me to arrest him?
Shepard: I want you to put a bullet in his head.
Shepard: ...But we're all making sacrifices today.

Bitter and angry and frustrated, but she knows what she has to do. :(

[sincere]

Over 10 hours of work today, and then an additional hour of dutiful sister bridal shower planning. NOW I WILL DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.

i.e. resume the miserable story of Shepard's downward spiral into martyrdom.

[slayerofgod]

*sympathizes with ten hour work day*

[sincere]

So I went to a planet where Traynor told me some ex-Cerberus scientists are trying to escape Cerberus murder squads that don't like anybody being ex-Cerberus. And JACOB WAS THERE

AND HE GOT SHOT

DAMNIT, STOP DYING

[sincere]

He's okay for now. He's the only survivor of the guards protecting these scientists, their leader being Brynn Cole. Brynn says Cerberus was killing the scientists once they finished working on their projects, so running seemed the better idea.

Okay now I have to run screaming into the face of more Cerberus--

Jacob: /limps away, bent over
Shepard: Jacob, you should get that wound looked at.
Jacob: I won't-- I mean. I will!
Me: ............THAT IS THE LEAST SINCERE THING I'VE EVER HEARD

[sincere]

Miranda wants to talk with me on the Citadel, and by my counts, Garrus, Liara, andddd Javik want to go on dates with me. Sounds like fun! I will head back to the Citadel.

[sincere]

Javik marvels at the Citadel, which was long reclaimed by the Reapers back when he was born. A hanar sees him and goes into orgasmic bliss at witnessing the face of one of its gods, and then a small crowd of civilians gather to gawk at the Prothean.

He starts ranting about how probably they're all going to die. It's probably meant to be empowering. Shepard kind of clears her throat and informs him quietly that that's not going to work.

...Javik changes his tactic to "You have all come so far since my cycle, and you're going to do it right this time!"

[sincere]

Miranda says the Citadel is dangerous, with Cerberus and all. Shepard tells her about Kai Leng, and Miranda says that complicates things.

Her father did in fact take Oriana. Miranda heard a rumor that her father is working on something for the Illusive Man -- "something big". She doesn't want Shepard's help, though. She has to do this herself.

Shepard: Be careful.
Miranda: I can't promise that, Shepard. Could you?
Shepard: ...No. I couldn't.

STOP TRYING TO DIE

[rainfall]

:( :( :(

Can I be dumb and ask why Miranda feels her sister's kidnapping is a good time to be independent? I mean, that's the kind of situation I'd want everyone's help with. I respect the "I have to handle this on my own" thing in general, but c'mon, it's Oriana on the line......

[sincere]

Liara talks about how this part of the Presidium reminds her of her childhood on Thessia. She says she misses her mother.

Holy shit what are you telling me you actually have feelings about your mother? We have come so far since Mass Effect

She thanks Shepard for talking with her about her mother, and expresses an interest in spending more time, just hanging out, being friends. They talk about how Liara isn't going to really "settle down" into a civilian life after all of this, but they'll keep in touch. "Someone to share a few secrets with every now and then," she says.

[rainfall]

I bet the romance version of this conversation includes speculation about asari babies. :|a I would bet my nonexistent hat on it. (The hat is made of my credibility as a prognosticator of videogames.)

[sincere]

Jacob is in the hospital. GETTING HIS INJURIES TAKEN CARE OF? :D

He's really into this "protecting scientists" thing, it is his new passion.

Jacob: We're gonna win this thing. I CAN FEEL IT. CAN YOU FEEL IT?
Shepard: Yeah. Sure. I feel it.

She sounds so incredibly not convinced. But she recovers nicely and distracts him. :(

Also, JACOB AND BRYNN ARE HAVING A BABY. No wonder the game tried SO HARD to get me to ask about him and Brynn. Which, by the way, I did. Twice. And they both refused to mention anything non-platonic between them. And the game tried to get me to ask a third time. And I said, "NO, GAME. I'M ONLY GOING TO ASK ABOUT THINGS I HAVE A REASONABLE EXCUSE FOR ASKING AFTER." So either there was nothing going on then and they had a one night stand and it got way out of hand, or there was something going on then and neither of them felt comfortable admitting it to anyone else, even Shepard. gg

[slayerofgod]

As I recall, if you ask Jacob about his relationship with Brynn at one point, he'll admit they're together.

[sincere]

Cortez is at the bar, drinking and enjoying his new carefree outlook on life. Shepard drinks a toast with him. Hooray.

[sincere]

Ashley: Commander. Thanks for coming.
Shepard: Thanks? OHHH, RIGHT, YOUR FAMILY THING-- I apparently came to that.

That's what I said, anyway. Hahaha. I hadn't realized that was a thing I could actually do, for some reason.

Anyway Ashley's sister has set up a memorial for her dead husband and she wanted me to attend/speak??/something.

[sincere]

Ashley is very emotional about her sister's loss, and reminisces about her dad some. Shepard gently coaxes her into being strong for Sarah, and Ashley goes over and speaks to her and we fade out tastefully.

[sincere]

/every time I visit the holding bay I drop in on the optimistic refugee teen and the awkward turian guard trying not to tell her that her parents are probably dead to see how they're doing

[sincere]

Garrus's date is actually datelike. Stuff happens in it!

Garrus: Want to do something that doesn't involve the Reapers?
Shepard: [ > Like alcohol?]
Shepard: [ > Everything involves them.]

Legitimately cracking up a little bit at these options.

Alcohol is good, but not what he had in mind. He has decided that since every day could be our last day alive, he wants to do something he'd actually remember.

Garrus: Ever had that one thing you want to do before you die?
Shepard: I've woken up with a turian next to me.
Garrus: Still trying to make me blush.
Shepard: Until it works.

He always wanted to go up to the top of the Presidium and scope out the view, but in C-Sec he was so aware that there were "137 different regulations telling me that I can't." Now he gives no fucks!

[sincere]

So he takes Shepard up, and they admire the view, and then he asks if she's ready to be a "one-turian kind of woman". They have feelings at each other about how the whole destruction-of-my-homeworld thing is only bearable because I knew you were out there, and Shepard tells him she loves him, and then he stammers for a bit and kissing happens.

Then, the important part: Garrus whips out his sniper rifle and demands that they prove once and for all who's better with it.

So they throw cans for each other and snipe them and brag at one another and flskjldkjg what ridiculous assholes. ♥ Then I have the option of missing on purpose, which I may add is fucking adorable, the idea that she would lose on purpose to make him feel good, but Shepard is not about to lose a pissing contest just to stroke her peacock boyfriend's ego, because she's Commander fucking Shepard, so target shot.

He sniffs about how the horde of rampaging Klixen is what really separates the rookies from the pros, and she laughs. Adorable.