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Tourists DIE in Tibet.
Do you ever get the feeling like you talk and talk and talk and nobody really listens? I've been feeling like that with disturbing frequency lately. I'll get into conversations with people who admit my points but don't seem to acknowledge them; I'll compose thoughtful comments or posts and find the topic ignored in preference to the shallow randomness that grows throughout my forum like weeds; people will hear only the emotions they imagine I put into my words, whether or not I wanted those emotions there. (IE, a number of people lately have been assuming I'm offended or am being snarky when I'm not; more than once I've been trying to convey exasperation and it's gone right over my conversational companion's head.)
I hate feeling like this. The magnitude of my unimportance just drowns me sometimes. Theoretically, if I kept my websites up to date, I wouldn't have such a teeny tiny sphere of influence, but it seems like even within that sphere of influence my power is limited. People I once considered to be online friends drifted away; people I once had truces with are starting to ignore me altogether. It's like the only thing I still have is Neesama and the real world. Like I'm being drowned out of what was once my refuge.
Like nobody really listens to me.
And I hate it.
In brighter news, I've realized that my mental block in getting any real progress done on the start of Sasha's story is the same mental block that's kept me from writing anything official that is anything more than yaoi-flavored. I only very recently started writing anything that was outright slashy. For those of you acquainted with my writing, for example the MK crowd -- count the number of fics where there's ACTUAL gay instead of just implied on-the-side gay, or fluffy gay that could be mistaken for friendship. How much of it was gay where the couple was actually TOGETHER? It just doesn't write itself as easily as ambiguous materials. I think that, if this were Jillia's story, I wouldn't be having as much trouble getting started. Hopefully I will be able to take advantage of this new knowledge somehow.
And I finally got off my lazy ass and wrote the Remus journal entry, after eighteen tries getting into Blogger, and now it's just sitting there because Ju-san isn't online to get confirmation from. I'm not sure if he was supposed to be doing anything I should know about or not. I haven't heard anything game-wise in ages. Of course, this may be partially my fault. I appear to have issues being an uninvolved participant in a journal RP... I seem to wind up oblivious.
In a totally unrelated and therefore relevant side-note, "Tourists DIE in Tibet" is the best catch-phrase that nobody understands ever. I plan on using it a lot and not explaining it to anyone except close friends. It will be a wonderful in-joke -- forever.
Val descended from Heaven, or wherever it is she resides that isn't Earth, to tell me how to do the math problems I didn't understand, and I was confident about the quiz despite having made in my homework the brilliant mathematical assertion that 12 - 4 = 12. Then, he whipped out a truly evil problem on us. So much for not needing calculators, you lying son of a Muppet. But on the plus side, I've done all my study abroad nonsense, so I can relax about that, and my first exam in Arthur was a 100. Feeling pretty good.
Finally, in the entry of randomness, I've managed to fight past my mental block on reading, and in the last 24 hours have finished
Finder, by Emma Bull: Very interesting book. AU Earth, with elves and such. A new drug has been introduced to the Bordertown that turns humans into elves -- for about twenty seconds, and then they die horribly. It's up to the local police and a random misfit called Orient to fix this before it's [ominous voice] toooooooo laaaaaaaate. It's really just pure entertainment, I think.
Two issues jumped out at me, though. First, Orient's skill -- with the Finding -- reminds me of Sasha's skill. Basically, somebody asks Orient, "Where is/Where can I find/Tell me where..." and then, provided they have a good idea of what they're looking for, it's like a little mental dowsing rod goes off in Orient's head, pointing him in the right direction. It's Thataway. A sort of sense of the object of his search that tugs at him relentlessly until he goes looking for it, or suffers massive migraines for about two days before the compulsion wears off. He has no control over it. Sounds like Sasha to me...
(Orient, it turns out, often deals with people who think it's funny to ask him, "Well, then, can you find me a blonde, measurements 38-24..." He has to hurry and interrupt them, "Sorry, it doesn't work that way," or something more snarky if appropriate. But the horrible thing is, he thinks to himself sourly, that it DOES work that way.)
And secondly, a main character in this book dies in the epidemic resulting from the virus introduced by the drug. As Orient is a more tolerant version of Sasha, it got me thinking about who among the Chicago crew I would kill off if one of Sasha's friends had to die for plot reasons. ...I couldn't think of anyone, except for the horrible sickening thought that it might be Vadim. This is going to haunt me now.
The Glasswright's Test, by Mindy Klasky: I believe I mentioned this series once before in this LJ. The glasswright's series by this woman is a unique kind of story -- not quite fantasy -- with a truly winning heroine and a simple yet intricate system of politics and intrigue.
It starts out very simple: you're in Morenia. In Morenia, they have this religion, and this caste system. This is the story of a girl who wound up carried through all the castes, and the plot behind the scenes that kept her there. But as the books go on, the story grows more intricate. Other countries are introduced. Other aspects of politics. Other systems of government. All introduced slowly and naturally, so that you get accustomed to the world and it doesn't overwhelm you -- so that it seems far less complicated than it is. I envy this writer.
This particular book is the fourth in the series, which means there's four times the intrigue and politics of the first book (which was NOT insubstantial) and four times the Suffering for our heroine. And believe me when I say that this book was horrible horrible horrible in the best way possible. Good and innocent main characters died horrible unnecessary SENSELESS martyr's deaths, happy and loving relationships were sabotaged and torn apart, and the book ended on a completely unsatisfactory note, with our heroine more alone than she's ever been. People died because of her, her lover left her because she can't stop being in love with the king, after all the horrible things she endured trying to win back the favor of the guild that insists she betrayed them they break her heart twice, both revolutions attempted (religious and political) failed, and all we have left is, "We must mount this increasingly futile-seeming rebellion against the all-powerful organization that has been manipulating everything we do since page 20 of book 1 and if we die then... oh well, nothing will change."
Where's the REST of it? That's even more depressing than the end of the third book.
I hate feeling like this. The magnitude of my unimportance just drowns me sometimes. Theoretically, if I kept my websites up to date, I wouldn't have such a teeny tiny sphere of influence, but it seems like even within that sphere of influence my power is limited. People I once considered to be online friends drifted away; people I once had truces with are starting to ignore me altogether. It's like the only thing I still have is Neesama and the real world. Like I'm being drowned out of what was once my refuge.
Like nobody really listens to me.
And I hate it.
In brighter news, I've realized that my mental block in getting any real progress done on the start of Sasha's story is the same mental block that's kept me from writing anything official that is anything more than yaoi-flavored. I only very recently started writing anything that was outright slashy. For those of you acquainted with my writing, for example the MK crowd -- count the number of fics where there's ACTUAL gay instead of just implied on-the-side gay, or fluffy gay that could be mistaken for friendship. How much of it was gay where the couple was actually TOGETHER? It just doesn't write itself as easily as ambiguous materials. I think that, if this were Jillia's story, I wouldn't be having as much trouble getting started. Hopefully I will be able to take advantage of this new knowledge somehow.
And I finally got off my lazy ass and wrote the Remus journal entry, after eighteen tries getting into Blogger, and now it's just sitting there because Ju-san isn't online to get confirmation from. I'm not sure if he was supposed to be doing anything I should know about or not. I haven't heard anything game-wise in ages. Of course, this may be partially my fault. I appear to have issues being an uninvolved participant in a journal RP... I seem to wind up oblivious.
In a totally unrelated and therefore relevant side-note, "Tourists DIE in Tibet" is the best catch-phrase that nobody understands ever. I plan on using it a lot and not explaining it to anyone except close friends. It will be a wonderful in-joke -- forever.
Val descended from Heaven, or wherever it is she resides that isn't Earth, to tell me how to do the math problems I didn't understand, and I was confident about the quiz despite having made in my homework the brilliant mathematical assertion that 12 - 4 = 12. Then, he whipped out a truly evil problem on us. So much for not needing calculators, you lying son of a Muppet. But on the plus side, I've done all my study abroad nonsense, so I can relax about that, and my first exam in Arthur was a 100. Feeling pretty good.
Finally, in the entry of randomness, I've managed to fight past my mental block on reading, and in the last 24 hours have finished
Finder, by Emma Bull: Very interesting book. AU Earth, with elves and such. A new drug has been introduced to the Bordertown that turns humans into elves -- for about twenty seconds, and then they die horribly. It's up to the local police and a random misfit called Orient to fix this before it's [ominous voice] toooooooo laaaaaaaate. It's really just pure entertainment, I think.
Two issues jumped out at me, though. First, Orient's skill -- with the Finding -- reminds me of Sasha's skill. Basically, somebody asks Orient, "Where is/Where can I find/Tell me where..." and then, provided they have a good idea of what they're looking for, it's like a little mental dowsing rod goes off in Orient's head, pointing him in the right direction. It's Thataway. A sort of sense of the object of his search that tugs at him relentlessly until he goes looking for it, or suffers massive migraines for about two days before the compulsion wears off. He has no control over it. Sounds like Sasha to me...
(Orient, it turns out, often deals with people who think it's funny to ask him, "Well, then, can you find me a blonde, measurements 38-24..." He has to hurry and interrupt them, "Sorry, it doesn't work that way," or something more snarky if appropriate. But the horrible thing is, he thinks to himself sourly, that it DOES work that way.)
And secondly, a main character in this book dies in the epidemic resulting from the virus introduced by the drug. As Orient is a more tolerant version of Sasha, it got me thinking about who among the Chicago crew I would kill off if one of Sasha's friends had to die for plot reasons. ...I couldn't think of anyone, except for the horrible sickening thought that it might be Vadim. This is going to haunt me now.
The Glasswright's Test, by Mindy Klasky: I believe I mentioned this series once before in this LJ. The glasswright's series by this woman is a unique kind of story -- not quite fantasy -- with a truly winning heroine and a simple yet intricate system of politics and intrigue.
It starts out very simple: you're in Morenia. In Morenia, they have this religion, and this caste system. This is the story of a girl who wound up carried through all the castes, and the plot behind the scenes that kept her there. But as the books go on, the story grows more intricate. Other countries are introduced. Other aspects of politics. Other systems of government. All introduced slowly and naturally, so that you get accustomed to the world and it doesn't overwhelm you -- so that it seems far less complicated than it is. I envy this writer.
This particular book is the fourth in the series, which means there's four times the intrigue and politics of the first book (which was NOT insubstantial) and four times the Suffering for our heroine. And believe me when I say that this book was horrible horrible horrible in the best way possible. Good and innocent main characters died horrible unnecessary SENSELESS martyr's deaths, happy and loving relationships were sabotaged and torn apart, and the book ended on a completely unsatisfactory note, with our heroine more alone than she's ever been. People died because of her, her lover left her because she can't stop being in love with the king, after all the horrible things she endured trying to win back the favor of the guild that insists she betrayed them they break her heart twice, both revolutions attempted (religious and political) failed, and all we have left is, "We must mount this increasingly futile-seeming rebellion against the all-powerful organization that has been manipulating everything we do since page 20 of book 1 and if we die then... oh well, nothing will change."
Where's the REST of it? That's even more depressing than the end of the third book.
no subject
I just thought that should be reiterated. And no, you cannot pervert Finder in anyway shape or form...unless you make it worth my while. Then we'll talk.
And dude...tourists die. *walks away whistling*
no subject
But seriously... I am sure that is not the case, Kay-san! I don't think I am counting as one of those you miss, but I am sure people are not avoiding you either. You are a nice person! And I have faith you have remained one despite recent exploitations of your kindnesses.
I bet people have faded a bit because of school. For some reason, people have really been dying about classes this time around (I know I have been. @_@;;). And that is never your fault, so no worries. ^^