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I'm always so nervous about everything. O_o I like exploring livejournals, so I was wandering through a couple of the ones on my new Get Backers community, and I came across this one in particular, and she was all ranting about obnoxious websites and know-it-alls and people who are going to write bad fanfics and I'm absolutely positive she's referring to me, or that I'm going to wind up disappointing her, or that she's going to think I'm one of them.
I don't even know what her NAME is, but the idea of her disapproval terrifies me. >_< Because she seems to have a lot of friends and they're all obviously intelligent and I don't want people to hate me, especially not intelligent people, I can't STAND the stupid fandom twits...
It wouldn't be the first time people have singled me out of a fandom to be unpleasant about. Is it a crime to know what's going on and try to educate other people when they're mistaken? It is really wrong to have a website to inform other people? I just want to share. What is it about me that puts everyone's back against the wall?
And why, even when I get the good kind of recognition, do I turn into this untouchable fear-inspiring figure of worship? I mean, in Megami Kouhosei fandom, I think I'm one of maybe five people who actually knows what's going on and understands the characters. The others are drooling hordes of Hiead fangirls who think that the fact that he's a bully with no style to his evil is their fangirl beacon to turn him into a warmfuzzy person who is secretly in love with [insert name of character that he actually is more like an abusive boyfriend/bitter rival to here] and this redeems him from whatever deep-seated insanity and unrepenetant evil dwell within his soul.
There's that kind of MK fan... and then there's the kind that think they have to slink around me and can't speak directly to me because they're so in awe of me. Tony-san is always telling me, "I just talked to so-and-so, she thinks talking to you would be like talking to the Pope or something, but this is what she told me to say to you..."
I don't want any of that. I don't want to be persecuted or judged without being directly addressed. I just want people to like me. *sob*
No, really. I want to help people to understand the fandom they've chosen instead of just cluelessly bumbling through it. I don't EVER want to be part of a fandom that reaches the GW point, where people are like, "I've never actually seen the show, but I've read lots of fanfics, so I know that Heero and Duo are in luuuuuuuv." I want to correct mistaken impressions, I want to give people new ideas, and I want them to say to me, "You know what? I get it now. It's cool that you know so much about this stuff. I respect your opinions. Thanks a lot, maybe we should talk again sometime!"
I wish I had more friends in fandom instead of people who either worship me, tolerate me, or secretly wish I would vanish off the face of the planet.
I'm really too insecure for that sort of thing.
I don't even know what her NAME is, but the idea of her disapproval terrifies me. >_< Because she seems to have a lot of friends and they're all obviously intelligent and I don't want people to hate me, especially not intelligent people, I can't STAND the stupid fandom twits...
It wouldn't be the first time people have singled me out of a fandom to be unpleasant about. Is it a crime to know what's going on and try to educate other people when they're mistaken? It is really wrong to have a website to inform other people? I just want to share. What is it about me that puts everyone's back against the wall?
And why, even when I get the good kind of recognition, do I turn into this untouchable fear-inspiring figure of worship? I mean, in Megami Kouhosei fandom, I think I'm one of maybe five people who actually knows what's going on and understands the characters. The others are drooling hordes of Hiead fangirls who think that the fact that he's a bully with no style to his evil is their fangirl beacon to turn him into a warmfuzzy person who is secretly in love with [insert name of character that he actually is more like an abusive boyfriend/bitter rival to here] and this redeems him from whatever deep-seated insanity and unrepenetant evil dwell within his soul.
There's that kind of MK fan... and then there's the kind that think they have to slink around me and can't speak directly to me because they're so in awe of me. Tony-san is always telling me, "I just talked to so-and-so, she thinks talking to you would be like talking to the Pope or something, but this is what she told me to say to you..."
I don't want any of that. I don't want to be persecuted or judged without being directly addressed. I just want people to like me. *sob*
No, really. I want to help people to understand the fandom they've chosen instead of just cluelessly bumbling through it. I don't EVER want to be part of a fandom that reaches the GW point, where people are like, "I've never actually seen the show, but I've read lots of fanfics, so I know that Heero and Duo are in luuuuuuuv." I want to correct mistaken impressions, I want to give people new ideas, and I want them to say to me, "You know what? I get it now. It's cool that you know so much about this stuff. I respect your opinions. Thanks a lot, maybe we should talk again sometime!"
I wish I had more friends in fandom instead of people who either worship me, tolerate me, or secretly wish I would vanish off the face of the planet.
I'm really too insecure for that sort of thing.
Of Rocking and Such...
Don't let your success get you down. My gawd, I'd give over a limb to have the kind of dedication and drive you have. You're going to be admired for whatever you do, be it here in a fandom, or out in the real world. Get used to that :P People will look up to you, and instead of worrying about others, make sure you're giving the 110% that I *know* you always do. The drooling hordes may become attracted, but so will the people that are willing to accept you as an equal.
I'm no drooling fangirl (Well, only when I see Ryu in the leather pants with his hips swaaaaying *spasms* ... erm... ), and I'm pretty sure you see me as an equal. (Maybe an inordinately large pain in the rear, but an equal I hope...) I see you as an equal too :D
I think one of the differences between you and most others is your dedication. Others may choose the fandom, like you said, but most can't even imagine throwing themselves into is as deeply as you do. The drooling masses and the other fans often don't try to understand the fandom like you do. They take what they want/need, and use this as they will. You settle down and throw yourself into your chosen field, and stay until you've unraveled all (or most) of its mysteries. You don't try to bend situations until they break into a shape that's more comfortable for you. You recognize the forms for what they are, and let your imagination and knowledge see where they might lead.
In short, you're a good fan. :D Most can't keep up your enthusiasm, or lack the imagination to let something hold them rapt for any period of time. If someone can't understand you, and chooses to look down on you for that, it's their problem. It's not yours. It might be hard to deal with hostility from people that don't even know you. But remember: they don't know you.
Knowing it all just shows how much you care. Snubbing someone just because they know more than you is snobbish at the very least, don't let some snoot get you down. Remember it, and keep up all of your good work.
It *is* good.
And you rock. (as if you didn't already know)