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PSA
It occurs to me that there are, as yet, a number of people who should know me who don't. Several of these people have been pissing me off lately. Instead of having several separate arguments and feeling tremendously uncomfortable each time, I'm just going to make one general declaration and you can all bitch at me from there. If you don't know me then probably this doesn't pertain to you.
This is fact: I am a shy and withdrawn person. Once you get to know me I am open around you, but that doesn't mean I'm not still, at heart, a shy and withdrawn person. I will avoid discomfort at all costs. That means that no, I am not going to charge up to you and tell you if I'm unhappy; it means that no, I will not challenge you again and again on a matter that bothers me; it means that no, I will not bludgeon you with my personal preferences to the persecution of your own.
I hate nagging. When I want to talk about something, because I am a shy and withdrawn person, I will make a general sort of statement about it. If you have something else to talk about and we move on, more than once, I will never mention it again unless you do so first. If you weren't interested the first time around, I don't want to force you. Believe it or not, if I talk to you, I like you; I do not want to bully you into doing something you clearly don't care about. After all, if you were interested, you would ask me. I'm not your mother. I'm not MY mother. I don't wield recreational activities like a list of commands you must do for your own good will; I'm not going to tell you to make your bed and I'm not going to tell you to do something with me that I consider to be fun or important. I can do it my fucking self, I don't need you.
If I mention that I finished writing/planning/ something and you essentially say, "That's nice. Now let's talk about..." then I will not bring it up again. Obviously, you are not interested in my writing. If you were interested, you would want to see it, or you would at least fucking ask after it. If you never ask, how can you pretend to be interested? I am NOT going to come chasing after you, breathing down your neck, insisting, "READ IIIIIIT. YOU HAVE NO OPTIOOOOON." I don't want to ever force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. I like you. Why would I want to chain you down and beat you into doing something you aren't interested in?
If I mention that something is particularly bothering me, and I tell you about it, and you have to leave before I can finish, or you have something you'd rather talk about... Next time there's an opportunity, I will not nag you about it. I will not say, "SO! As I was saying." If you know it was bothering me or important to me, the only reason I can think of for avoiding the topic after that is if you are not interested. So I won't bring it up again. I may go out of my way to get into situations where we could return to talking about it... But if you'd rather we fall into silence for hours than go into it, I'm not going to demand that you hear about my silly complaints when you're not interested. I don't want to ever force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. I like you. Why would I want to chain you down and beat you into doing something you aren't interested in?
If I mention that it'd be nice if we could watch the last two episodes of the anime I've been bringing up at every conceivable chance for the past week in totally uncharacteristic manner... Maybe that's desperation. And if you say, "I don't feel like it right now, maybe later," then that's fine, but I am sitting here waiting for YOU to say, "Okay, NOW I feel like it." I am not sitting around watching hours of TV next to you because there is nothing I would rather be doing. I'm waiting for you. When a third party wanders in and expresses an interest in watching some random third party anime, and you immediately chirp to the idea and dismiss my anime for later, what else can I assume BUT that you aren't interested? I don't want to ever force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. I like you. Why would I want to chain you down and beat you into doing something you aren't interested in?
I will not nag. If I bring something up multiple times, that's because it's really important or something I really want to do, but I would never in a million years command you to give up your time and do something I'm not interested in doing. I will always give you the option, and if you always opt out, then I have nowhere else to go.
Nowhere.
I'm sure that this is all my fault and I'm bad/wrong/silly for trying to think of you people, but this is my personality. I have always been like this and will never be any other way. But don't you dare tell me that you ARE interested when you've never done anything to suggest that you are. I'll acknowledge that it's my fault because I don't speak up and force you to do what I want to do -- but I think you people need to fucking learn to pick up hints.
When you're willing to bitch me out about the very subject you aren't interested in... When you only ever have one topic to talk about all the goddamn time... When I've just done you a favor and obliged you in what you want to do... I think you fucking owe me to at least pretend to be interested.
But you know what? I don't want you to read my writing, and I don't want to tell you about it anymore, and I don't want to watch the anime with me anymore. And I probably never will again. Because always, now, there'll be the fact that for days, in some cases weeks or months, you've been putting me off -- not interested -- and even if you read this and say, "Well I AM interested" -- as has been said before -- then I will always remember those days and weeks and months and say to myself, "I'm being humored."
I don't want to be fucking humored.
If you can't work with subtlety, fine. We will never ever do anything I want to do. Just like all my other acquaintances. Why shouldn't I be your bitch with you never giving anything back to me? Why shouldn't you just toss my opinion aside and go on like you're not affected by anything I say? That's the way my relationship goes with everybody on the fucking planet else. I'm used to it.
Just consider it a public service announcement. You know I won't complain. You'd only be angrier if I nagged you.
Call me a coward if you want.
This is fact: I am a shy and withdrawn person. Once you get to know me I am open around you, but that doesn't mean I'm not still, at heart, a shy and withdrawn person. I will avoid discomfort at all costs. That means that no, I am not going to charge up to you and tell you if I'm unhappy; it means that no, I will not challenge you again and again on a matter that bothers me; it means that no, I will not bludgeon you with my personal preferences to the persecution of your own.
I hate nagging. When I want to talk about something, because I am a shy and withdrawn person, I will make a general sort of statement about it. If you have something else to talk about and we move on, more than once, I will never mention it again unless you do so first. If you weren't interested the first time around, I don't want to force you. Believe it or not, if I talk to you, I like you; I do not want to bully you into doing something you clearly don't care about. After all, if you were interested, you would ask me. I'm not your mother. I'm not MY mother. I don't wield recreational activities like a list of commands you must do for your own good will; I'm not going to tell you to make your bed and I'm not going to tell you to do something with me that I consider to be fun or important. I can do it my fucking self, I don't need you.
If I mention that I finished writing/planning/ something and you essentially say, "That's nice. Now let's talk about..." then I will not bring it up again. Obviously, you are not interested in my writing. If you were interested, you would want to see it, or you would at least fucking ask after it. If you never ask, how can you pretend to be interested? I am NOT going to come chasing after you, breathing down your neck, insisting, "READ IIIIIIT. YOU HAVE NO OPTIOOOOON." I don't want to ever force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. I like you. Why would I want to chain you down and beat you into doing something you aren't interested in?
If I mention that something is particularly bothering me, and I tell you about it, and you have to leave before I can finish, or you have something you'd rather talk about... Next time there's an opportunity, I will not nag you about it. I will not say, "SO! As I was saying." If you know it was bothering me or important to me, the only reason I can think of for avoiding the topic after that is if you are not interested. So I won't bring it up again. I may go out of my way to get into situations where we could return to talking about it... But if you'd rather we fall into silence for hours than go into it, I'm not going to demand that you hear about my silly complaints when you're not interested. I don't want to ever force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. I like you. Why would I want to chain you down and beat you into doing something you aren't interested in?
If I mention that it'd be nice if we could watch the last two episodes of the anime I've been bringing up at every conceivable chance for the past week in totally uncharacteristic manner... Maybe that's desperation. And if you say, "I don't feel like it right now, maybe later," then that's fine, but I am sitting here waiting for YOU to say, "Okay, NOW I feel like it." I am not sitting around watching hours of TV next to you because there is nothing I would rather be doing. I'm waiting for you. When a third party wanders in and expresses an interest in watching some random third party anime, and you immediately chirp to the idea and dismiss my anime for later, what else can I assume BUT that you aren't interested? I don't want to ever force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. I like you. Why would I want to chain you down and beat you into doing something you aren't interested in?
I will not nag. If I bring something up multiple times, that's because it's really important or something I really want to do, but I would never in a million years command you to give up your time and do something I'm not interested in doing. I will always give you the option, and if you always opt out, then I have nowhere else to go.
Nowhere.
I'm sure that this is all my fault and I'm bad/wrong/silly for trying to think of you people, but this is my personality. I have always been like this and will never be any other way. But don't you dare tell me that you ARE interested when you've never done anything to suggest that you are. I'll acknowledge that it's my fault because I don't speak up and force you to do what I want to do -- but I think you people need to fucking learn to pick up hints.
When you're willing to bitch me out about the very subject you aren't interested in... When you only ever have one topic to talk about all the goddamn time... When I've just done you a favor and obliged you in what you want to do... I think you fucking owe me to at least pretend to be interested.
But you know what? I don't want you to read my writing, and I don't want to tell you about it anymore, and I don't want to watch the anime with me anymore. And I probably never will again. Because always, now, there'll be the fact that for days, in some cases weeks or months, you've been putting me off -- not interested -- and even if you read this and say, "Well I AM interested" -- as has been said before -- then I will always remember those days and weeks and months and say to myself, "I'm being humored."
I don't want to be fucking humored.
If you can't work with subtlety, fine. We will never ever do anything I want to do. Just like all my other acquaintances. Why shouldn't I be your bitch with you never giving anything back to me? Why shouldn't you just toss my opinion aside and go on like you're not affected by anything I say? That's the way my relationship goes with everybody on the fucking planet else. I'm used to it.
Just consider it a public service announcement. You know I won't complain. You'd only be angrier if I nagged you.
Call me a coward if you want.
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*hugs* Feel better. You're really cool and nice and you shouldn't be miserable. And I'll watch any anime you want with you. ^___^ *hugs*
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And Terry is quite rock like sometimes, I've noticed. I say go Sanzo-style on him and hit him with a big paper fan til he listens. *nods*
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But if I mention over a week the same casual topic again and again... Aren't you going to assume I want to DO something about it? O_o I mean, if I keep saying, "I'm doing pretty good. Did some work... went to some classes... I was thinking about the Yankees today," over and over again... aren't you eventually going to go, "Um, so what's up with you and the Yankees?"
I really didn't think it was so hard. O_o It makes me feel like I'm ignored. But I know it's really my fault because I'm not more obvious.
And then I hate myself, AND you for never asking me about the goddamn Yankees. O_o
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And you be surprised at what I can miss, but like I said, I'll try.