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Cakes galore! An epic funeral for an epic boy
This is how you know LJ is running out of ideas: Their Writer's Block thing of the day is, Post some pictures of outhouses or bathrooms that have given you a lasting impression, and talk about what the restroom means to you.
Scott died in a car accident, as I mentioned a few days ago. He and his friend had both had a drink or two, but they probably weren't really drunk. His best friend and roommate Devin was at the wheel, and lost control of the car. Scott was wearing his seatbelt but they hit the tree with the passenger side of the car, and he was probably killed immediately. Devin was not wearing his seatbelt and was propelled forward out of the car, which is probably the only thing that saved him. But he needed intense surgery on his knees and his pelvis was terribly fractured, and it's only an okay chance that he'll ever be able to walk again.
Aunt Frannie doesn't blame Devin, because Scott loved him so much. Devin was absolutely devastated and kept trying, demanding, to come to the funeral, but he's still in intensive care and there's no way he could've traveled. His brother and his grandfather came instead, and they were both in tears the whole time, thanking, thanking everyone for forgiving Devin.
My Uncle Gary is broken. He had an argument with Scott and they stopped talking for months; Gary didn't invite Scott to Gary's mother's birthday party a few weeks back because "he just needed more time" before he could apologize. And he ran out of time. Now he'll have to live with that.
Gary's mother, and Gary, both told me that Scott talked about me all the time, that he said nothing but what a genius I was, how smart and how creative and how funny, and I know. Scott thought I was the coolest person alive right up through high school. He was a really loving kid, though. He thought everyone was cool. And it shows in how many people loved him.
The funeral was tremendous. I've never seen so many people come to a funeral. There was standing room only in a chapel that can seat 450 people. The funeral parlor personnel told us that they've never had so many phone calls and inquiries about a service before. The rabbi's service was pretty bland, but my Aunt Frannie's speech had everyone in tears, and she did use my speech, if only in part. She's never been a great public speaker, but she did a fantastic job.
And then almost all of them came to the gravesite, a gigantic train of cars so long that it stretched for blocks and blocks and they had to double-line us to get us all into the cemetery, and they belled out over half the plot where they buried him. We weren't expecting that, we thought -- all these teenagers, right, they're going to come to the ceremony and then leave, they don't want to go to the burial. But they all did.
And then they fucking all brought desserts, so now we have like OVER NINE THOUSAND CAKES (and danishes and cupcakes and cookies) at my grandmother's house, and she refuses to throw any of it away, no matter how disgusting it may be. All I want is a Marino's italian ice, man.
I come away feeling really good about it. I feel like maybe the rabbi was right, and that... for a lot of us (obviously not for my aunt, but for a lot of us) there was closure when he was blessed and buried.
Don't think I'll need to post about it again, unless something wacky happens while we sit shiva.
Scott died in a car accident, as I mentioned a few days ago. He and his friend had both had a drink or two, but they probably weren't really drunk. His best friend and roommate Devin was at the wheel, and lost control of the car. Scott was wearing his seatbelt but they hit the tree with the passenger side of the car, and he was probably killed immediately. Devin was not wearing his seatbelt and was propelled forward out of the car, which is probably the only thing that saved him. But he needed intense surgery on his knees and his pelvis was terribly fractured, and it's only an okay chance that he'll ever be able to walk again.
Aunt Frannie doesn't blame Devin, because Scott loved him so much. Devin was absolutely devastated and kept trying, demanding, to come to the funeral, but he's still in intensive care and there's no way he could've traveled. His brother and his grandfather came instead, and they were both in tears the whole time, thanking, thanking everyone for forgiving Devin.
My Uncle Gary is broken. He had an argument with Scott and they stopped talking for months; Gary didn't invite Scott to Gary's mother's birthday party a few weeks back because "he just needed more time" before he could apologize. And he ran out of time. Now he'll have to live with that.
Gary's mother, and Gary, both told me that Scott talked about me all the time, that he said nothing but what a genius I was, how smart and how creative and how funny, and I know. Scott thought I was the coolest person alive right up through high school. He was a really loving kid, though. He thought everyone was cool. And it shows in how many people loved him.
The funeral was tremendous. I've never seen so many people come to a funeral. There was standing room only in a chapel that can seat 450 people. The funeral parlor personnel told us that they've never had so many phone calls and inquiries about a service before. The rabbi's service was pretty bland, but my Aunt Frannie's speech had everyone in tears, and she did use my speech, if only in part. She's never been a great public speaker, but she did a fantastic job.
And then almost all of them came to the gravesite, a gigantic train of cars so long that it stretched for blocks and blocks and they had to double-line us to get us all into the cemetery, and they belled out over half the plot where they buried him. We weren't expecting that, we thought -- all these teenagers, right, they're going to come to the ceremony and then leave, they don't want to go to the burial. But they all did.
And then they fucking all brought desserts, so now we have like OVER NINE THOUSAND CAKES (and danishes and cupcakes and cookies) at my grandmother's house, and she refuses to throw any of it away, no matter how disgusting it may be. All I want is a Marino's italian ice, man.
I come away feeling really good about it. I feel like maybe the rabbi was right, and that... for a lot of us (obviously not for my aunt, but for a lot of us) there was closure when he was blessed and buried.
Don't think I'll need to post about it again, unless something wacky happens while we sit shiva.
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My thoughts are with yall <3
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Well, the Lord's Prayer is JewishAunt Frannie kind of wants to blame him, of course, but that's... a natural reaction, of course. And I think it's really, really huge of her that she wants that but she's still willing to look past the death of her only son and know that whatever they got into, they got into it together; that they loved each other and would never have wanted anything bad to happen to the other, etc.Thank you~
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A friend of mine lost his girlfriend in a car accident right after they'd had a huge fight. She was 19. She fell asleep at the wheel--she doesn't even drink. The forgiving oneself thing is hard but it's inevitable. One moment or one argument doesn't define a person or a relationship.
What is it about Jews and cakes? Every time some one dies or gets married there a gazillion cakes everywhere. I don't see how everyone can eat them all.
I'm glad it's over for you and that your speech went over well. You're in my thoughts with all my love and prayers.
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Thank god someone thought to bring a giant (giant, like three feet tall) fruit basket, too. When I sit shiva with them at least my options won't be "chocolate bundt cake, chocolate bundt cake, cheesecake, cheesecake, Oreo cake, coffee cake, cookies, cookies, cookies, rugula, or pickles leftover from the catering."
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Again, I am sorry for your loss. I think it's a tragedy when anyone dies so young, or in such an accident, but you've related a lovely tribute to Scott and made him real to me, and I cried for him.
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Thank you for your well-wishes and your empathy. *full of hugs for you*