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Tales of Vesperia: The Silence of the Dragon-Rider - Part 2, Chapter 2
This is a translation of the Tales of Vesperia novels: The Silence of the Dragon-rider, Judith's story. I am only responsible for translating it, and for any content in ((double parentheses)).
PART 2: THE GREAT CIRCLE
Chapter 2
The wind was roaring. It blasted past Judith's ears, the force of the fierce wind blowing her hair and her antennae completely back.
Judith burst out excitedly, "Amazing! The bridge and the houses and the mountains are so tiny!"
The instant the words left her mouth, the wind carried them far off. Judith threw up both her arms excitedly. Beneath her, Ba'ul let out a warning note. Don't let go; if she fell, she would lose her life.
Although even if she did, Ba'ul was confident he would be able to pick her up immediately. Even when his eyes were closed, these days he was always aware of where Judith was, as long as he was conscious.
Right now Judith was on his back. And Ba'ul was in the distant sky far above Temza, soaring mid-air.
As he'd promised, now that Ba'ul was healed from his injuries, he took Judith out to show her his swimming. And then Judith had wanted to ride him. She didn't ask, but Ba'ul could sense that bold desire inside her, even unspoken.
Ba'ul himself was delighted to have Judith there, to fly together with her. They wove between sharp peaks, dipped through clouds, and frolicked in the winds.
The sky was theirs: no one could tell them what to do.
From the very beginning, Ba'ul had been flying alone. But with Judith on his back, he felt only amazement. They were sharing their thoughts as they flew, but slowly their awareness began to overlap. Which one of them was thinking that they should turn to the right? Which one of them wanted to climb higher? Who thought that they should be careful navigating around that ledge?
Their contact had carved their connection so much deeper. Their identities were still separate, but their emotions resonated the same way, dissolving the barrier between them. Voices were unnecessary now.
For these dazzling moments, they had become one. One unrestrained will, conquering the sky with all their heart. One shared heart, each an extension of the other, perfect, without any strain.
It was only midday, and every now and then people in Temza noticed them. A black shadow against the faraway peaks, or passing over the sun. They began whispering rumors -- somehow, a large mysterious monster had come to inhabit Balbusa. And so Ba'ul and Judith took the wise course and stayed far away.
With the amount of care they took in keeping away from the town, no one recognized that Judith was involved. Someday in the future Hermes would hear those rumors, and he would scold her frightfully, but that was someday in the future.
And for now...
"It's amazing, Ba'ul! Amazing!"
Freedom. Freedom, and fulfillment.
"We did it, Sir Hermes!"
The excited cries of the engineers rang through the workshop of the Fortress. They were all lifting their voices as one.
In front of them were an assortment of components assembled into a large-scale machine, whirring as it worked and emitting a bright light. Around its edges spun symbols, changing and moving dizzyingly.
"Thank you all so much. This is all because of your efforts," Hermes said, exhausted but still grinning.
The technological breakthrough of a few days ago had been the perfect foothold, and finally their experiment had resulted in complete success.
They had made a blastia. That was the single purpose that the Fortress research institution had been dedicated to.
Up until now, all they had been able to do was excavate and repair blastia that had been discovered in the fallen ruins of ancient civilizations. The main component of blastia were cores, and the technology to manufacture them had been lost long ago. No matter how they tried, there would always be a blastia shortage.
They had determined that the problem was that they had to use excavated cores for everything. Naturally, there were limits to their usefulness like that. Having to depend on relics meant that the demand would always exceed the supply.
It wasn't that Hermes had set out intending to revive the craft of engineering blastia. They'd had success with the containers that housed the blastia core. But when it came to the core itself, what Hermes knew was a pale mockery of what the great researchers of old could do. He couldn't come close to matching the strength and precision of the real thing, nothing that would withstand practical use.
Then Hermes had tried to look at it from a different perspective. There were symbols that defined the nature of each core. So this time he had tried to reason out the engraving procedure and their meanings.
If he could rewrite the operating procedure for the core while maintaining the efficiency and force of the blastia, it would open up new possibilities. And this new blastia compared to the originals in performance, and should even perform at a much higher level.
The blastia right before his eyes was magnificent. It was proof.
Although they hadn't yet tested the stability of the new blastia, it was just a matter of time. They were still determining in what kind of numbers these blastia could be manufactured. Soon, they would take the first batch to a neighboring town, and from there they would begin their clinical trials.
They had modified the blastia. And in doing so, they had modified the world.
Hermes felt his lips thin. It began here.
When he started it, he had thought it was an overambitious dream, but somehow he had made it. In a secret research facility, violating the laws of the Empire, that dream had come true. And now that it was happening, everything would change. The Empire, the Krityans...
It began here. It all began... here.
The world was stirring.
They couldn't hear the humans, but that didn't mean that they weren't listening.
Somewhere, and in several other somewheres, those who were listening pricked up their ears.
And they recognized the signs. And they began to mobilize.
"Dad, are you okay?" Judith asked him anxiously.
"Y... yeah, I'm okay... I think," Hermes said, and then grimaced, belying his words. He was pale, and his steps were unsteady.
"Are you really okay?"
Instead of replying, Hermes leaned against the nearby rock ledge and slid down to the ground.
From nearby, Ba'ul made a small noise. As if he were saying, I also want to know if you're okay.
Just a moment ago, Hermes was riding with Judith on Ba'ul's back, all dressed up and ready to fly. Rather than getting angry about her flying on Ba'ul, Hermes had been enthusiastic and wanted to try it himself.
Hermes had instructed them to stay far away from Temza, and so they took off from the Balbusa cave, and instantly they were out in the vast open sky. Despite his intention to keep his eyes on Temza, he found his gaze drawn to the whole sky. He had even unthinkingly let out a thoroughly undignified shout of joy.
Ba'ul and Judith, who had already been out flying many times, were determined to give him the full experience, so that he would understand.
And now that Hermes, who was unaccustomed to such excitements, had experienced this, he would finally give up and pronounce that he would no longer be traveling away.
But they circled around the overhanging rock three times, turning around, going up and down, and it had been too much. Judith tried to think back on what had gone wrong. She hadn't realized that Hermes couldn't share with Ba'ul, the way she could.
"I see... I see, that's the big deal," Hermes gasped, struggling to contain the contents of his stomach. "I get it. That's quite a wonderful experience -- it's quite convenient to be able to travel so freely. But, if it could just be... a little less turbulent..."
Judith lifted her head to exchange a glance with Ba'ul, and smile.
Like Fwineeg. A splendid secret.
"I thought it would be more impressive than that."
The adulthood ceremony was not a large-scale celebration. Even knowing that, Judith was still a little bit disappointed.
No one was expected to get dressed up for the day, and the altar was not adorned with elegant ornaments. They were gathered in the assembly hall with its one chamber, which was not decorated in any way.
There were four people who were becoming adults that day. Aside from Judith, they were all at least eighteen years old. The ones in her line of sight looked uncomfortable, and Judith hoped in the awkward silence that it would end quickly.
The woman who had been Judith's instructor all this time was one of the people leading them, and the elders of Temza were there. Judith was relieved not to be alone facing them all.
"For generations, we Krityans have engaged in this tradition, a cornerstone of our culture. Those who have passed before have have gained awareness of our people and joined the Great Circle," one of the elders pronounced, beginning the ceremony. It started to feel like a real ritual, and Judith pulled herself together.
"Those imperfect ones who still seek self-awareness, speak up. For those who wish to join the Circle must be strong."
An elderly instructor stepped forward.
"I ask of you who have mastered the nageeg. Is it your wish to join the Great Circle?"
"Yes."
"Yes."
"It is."
Judith was intently listening to the other three answer, and she flustered, saying, "Y-- Yes!"
The instructor smiled. "Very well. Then, I will now guide you into the Great Circle."
At a signal from the elderly instructor, another teacher stepped forward and handed each of them a small sphere. It was tiny compared to the one used in their training.
"Now, read. If you are truly masters of the nageeg, you should be able to do it."
Although slightly confused, they all concentrated on their spheres. Judith did the same.
There were so many more images packed into this sphere than the practice orbs, vast and complicated. At length the whole story unfolded. There were words and shapes, things with no meaning, all with one aim in mind. She couldn't understand it, but she memorized it with the nageeg.
When she opened her eyes again, it seemed as though the other three had finished in the same moment.
"What you have just witnessed is the Circle's code. Now return the orb, and come forward."
Judith handed the sphere back to the instructor.
A meager twenty adults were waiting there. They were all calmly smiling as Judith and the others were ushered in. Their eyes were all fixed on the graduates when they came to a stop.
"Enter inward, and call upon your nageeg, bearing in mind the code that you have just seen."
Confused, they obeyed again.
It felt as if the air around Judith exploded. Some unseen power surged around her from every direction, wrapping her up in it -- coming into her. What was this?!
It felt like spirit energy, transmission of emotion. But it was different from with Ba'ul, one-sided and a little forceful. Judith feared it instinctively.
But to her astonishment, between one instant and the next the chaos resolved itself, transforming into a calm contentment. The fear evened out, like fertile soil planted with sweet little flower buds.
Everything seemed tranquil.
Surrounded in that tranquility, Judith felt other people around her. They were much closer to her than before, warm and affectionate. She could feel that they were at peace, and she felt the same way. She felt as if they greeted her as an equal, a member of their group, and she knew that the other three with her felt the same way.
There was nothing to worry about. There was nothing to worry about at all. Judith relaxed.
"The Circle's code is not only to guide the usage of nageeg," she heard the instructor saying. "You will be able to think back on this code and uphold the Circle's values, and soon you will become accustomed to it, so that even if you forget, you will abide by them."
She didn't quite understand that, either, but she didn't worry about it. Her doubts had been completely erased, the same way her fears had been.
"With this, the adulthood ceremony has ended. Congratulations, once again. You are now members of the Great Circle. Please, return to your families and close friends and share your tranquility with them."
It was a wonderful feeling.
"I'm home!"
"Ah, welcome back. Um, Dad, I...... huh?"
Judith paused, bewildered. She had a strange feeling. It was her father, without a doubt, but her connection to him felt thin, somehow. Even reaching out to him with her mind, it was like an invisible wall separated them, and she couldn't quite get to him.
When Hermes saw his daughter's puzzled look, he understood.
"......You've completed your adulthood ceremony, haven't you."
There was no need to say anything else. Warring feelings surged through him, and Hermes found that he couldn't stand still. The success of his research had made him want to celebrate, but now this...
What should he do? Even if he delayed his research, since he needed to be in constant attendance for this stage, would it change anything? What if he had been present at the adulthood ceremony to consent? That would probably be enough for most Krityans. What if he hadn't let her undergo the ceremony until she was older? Could they have managed for ten more years? Although it was far ahead of schedule, it was only natural that Judith should view the other Krityans as her family. Even if he had avoided it now, someday, eventually...
No. Hermes groaned. He should have made the time to talk to her. For his own sake, and for her sake. But he had made excuses and fled to the safety of his research.
"...Dad, are you mad?"
"No... It's fine. I'm sorry. This should be a happy occasion."
Judith glanced at him, curiously. Even though she should have been crushed to not get the reaction she was expecting, this girl...
Hermes shut his eyes tightly.
This was what it meant to join the Great Circle. Temza had long considered conflict and hostility to be foolish, and the secret to preventing those things from occurring was the secret of being unable to reach out to others.
Because of the nageeg, the Krityan clan were mentally connected to each other. They were able to share their emotions with each other, so they were able to keep themselves uniform. Whatever the majority felt, that emotion dominated all others in the Circle. The Krityans had cultivated their serene disposition for many years, and they would continue to be governed by that dominant mentality.
If someone felt a strong emotional impetus -- anger, or sadness, or fear, or joy, or curiosity -- they might embrace that emotion, but it was like casting a pebble into a river: its ripples would be smoothed out, and vanish.
The Great Circle was literally a great tranquility, a great empathy -- to those who had joined it. And only those who had joined it.
Judith's hand brushed his face. "You're crying."
Hermes glanced away, and Judith frowned at him.
"Dad... Hey, this is so strange. I can't find you. Even though everyone else is right here with me."
It felt like a needle thrust into his heart. Hermes slowly looked back at Judith again.
"That's because you can't touch me, Judith," he said with a lonely smile. "I've been cast out of the Great Circle."
Judith looked at him blankly. "Well, then, why don't you take the adulthood ceremony again?"
Hermes shook his head. "No, I can't. You see, long ago, I was known as Melg. Do you know what a wanderer is?"
"Someone who travels the world."
"That's right. For a lot of reasons, I felt I didn't fit in Temzan life, so I left on a journey to see the rest of the world. I expected that after a few years, I would come back, and join the Circle."
Hermes paused for a moment to sigh. Judith watched him intently, waiting for his words. She didn't seem to be finding his story boring. He wondered what she would make of the rest? He couldn't begin to guess.
"I've always needed to explore mysterious things. But no one in Temza thought about things the way I did. So to learn more, I had to leave Temza. But I always missed Temza. And more than that, your mother was here."
"My mother?"
"Yes. She waited for me for a long time. When I returned, we were going to get married. And that's when I joined the Circle, too."
Judith tilted her head to the side, and asked, "Then why are things so different now?"
It was the natural question, but Hermes couldn't answer for a long moment.
"......Because your mother died," he said finally, forcing out the words. He had never been able to talk to Judith about her mother's death. "When she passed away, I was cut off from the Great Circle. I don't know whether it was because my grief was so strong that it was upsetting the Circle, or because I subconsciously closed off my nageeg. But I never returned to the Circle after that."
"Hmm. But why?"
Hermes wet his lips. He had asked himself that same question over and over. Certainly if he returned to the Circle, it wouldn't be all that bad. It could be very helpful in times like this. But Hermes hadn't gone back.
"......I felt like I should grieve."
"Is that so," Judith said sadly, her expression clouded, eyes downcast. Even if she couldn't fully understand it, she empathized with his sadness.
Of course. Hermes had never admitted it to himself. But joining the Great Circle didn't destroy the ability to feel. When a Circle member was sad, they cried; when they were happy, they smiled. It was only their strongest impulses and desires that were suppressed. What was so bad about that?
"I felt like I should grieve," Hermes repeated, one more time.
Judith hugged him lightly. He couldn't tell whether she also missed her mother, whose face she had never known, or simply wanted to try to comfort her father. But it was a very gentle embrace.
Soon enough she drew back, and smiled. "Don't worry, Dad. I'm here for you."
"......Thank you."
Judith withdrew to her room. Hermes looked through the doorway, watching for a while longer.
His daughter had given him such a mild, gentle smile. As if she didn't really understand at all. Hermes had seen that smile before, on the face of Murcy and other residents of Temza.
He wanted to see Judith's smile again.
When he went into his study, he dropped down onto the stool heavily, feeling like his body suddenly weighed twice as much. He had meant to sort through his documents, but his eyes skimmed over the letters without comprehending their meaning. After several tries, he finally he gave up, and leaned his arms on the desk, lowering his head to rest on top of them.
If he returned to the Circle, it was a given that his sorrow over his wife's passing would be erased. But that wasn't the only reason not to return.
Why didn't the Temzans use blastia? They knew that it had been invented in ancient times, but why didn't the Krityans ever wonder about that? Before joining the Great Circle, he had spent years wanting to know the answer to that, but instead of finding an answer he had only wondered more.
He'd investigated the blastia, and marveled at their implications. He'd been to Aspio and Zaphias. He had gone on a quest to find out how much the ancients had accomplished, and how much modern man had lost. When he'd been a part of the Great Circle, he hadn't asked those questions, he had simply accepted them as fact. By limiting all passion, the Great Circle would target and correct his questions and his interests.
When his wife had died and he found himself outside of the Circle, his curiosity returned along with the sorrow that he felt. Hermes had been first afraid, and then angry -- if Temza had bothered to use practical blastia, his wife might have been able to survive.
If he hadn't known, he wouldn't have ever thought about it. But now that he did know, Hermes couldn't help but feel like joining the Circle would mean abandoning himself. Wasn't the Circle something that had been created by their ancestors to refine themselves? He kept thinking that. Probably, after achieving their goals, the ancestors had forgotten all of their ingenious innovations.
The nageeg was suspicious. What was it really, this strange, innate aspect of their people? With the power of the ancient civilization, could they have altered even life itself--?
There were endless doubts teeming to the surface of his mind. Hermes wanted the truth.
But the most terrifying part was that even now, the tranquility of the Great Circle was ingrained in him. From the moment he was born, the Circle had just been a constant presence in his life, natural. He had never questioned it, always believed that it was only right for a Krityan to join it.
Living in Temza outside the Circle, Hermes was constantly tormented by his feelings of alienation, even though his neighbors treated him with the same gentleness they would show any outsider. If not for Judith's strong opposition, he would have left Temza with her long ago.
He kept telling himself stubbornly that he was the exception. But the temptation to return was sometimes unbearable.
In order to remain true to himself while staying in Temza, he had turned his back on the serenity of the Circle. He refused to chip away at his feelings and lose interest in his studies. He felt that even more after his first experience in the Circle.
Hermes lifted his head and stared at the ceiling.
Well, when he felt that Judith could bear the journey, they could go someplace where the Krityan lifestyle didn't exist -- to Aspio. There they didn't have the Circle.
Judith was already eight years old. Soon, the day would come. And then Hermes would get his daughter back.
With that meager comfort, Hermes returned to his work.
PART 2: THE GREAT CIRCLE
Chapter 2
The wind was roaring. It blasted past Judith's ears, the force of the fierce wind blowing her hair and her antennae completely back.
Judith burst out excitedly, "Amazing! The bridge and the houses and the mountains are so tiny!"
The instant the words left her mouth, the wind carried them far off. Judith threw up both her arms excitedly. Beneath her, Ba'ul let out a warning note. Don't let go; if she fell, she would lose her life.
Although even if she did, Ba'ul was confident he would be able to pick her up immediately. Even when his eyes were closed, these days he was always aware of where Judith was, as long as he was conscious.
Right now Judith was on his back. And Ba'ul was in the distant sky far above Temza, soaring mid-air.
As he'd promised, now that Ba'ul was healed from his injuries, he took Judith out to show her his swimming. And then Judith had wanted to ride him. She didn't ask, but Ba'ul could sense that bold desire inside her, even unspoken.
Ba'ul himself was delighted to have Judith there, to fly together with her. They wove between sharp peaks, dipped through clouds, and frolicked in the winds.
The sky was theirs: no one could tell them what to do.
From the very beginning, Ba'ul had been flying alone. But with Judith on his back, he felt only amazement. They were sharing their thoughts as they flew, but slowly their awareness began to overlap. Which one of them was thinking that they should turn to the right? Which one of them wanted to climb higher? Who thought that they should be careful navigating around that ledge?
Their contact had carved their connection so much deeper. Their identities were still separate, but their emotions resonated the same way, dissolving the barrier between them. Voices were unnecessary now.
For these dazzling moments, they had become one. One unrestrained will, conquering the sky with all their heart. One shared heart, each an extension of the other, perfect, without any strain.
It was only midday, and every now and then people in Temza noticed them. A black shadow against the faraway peaks, or passing over the sun. They began whispering rumors -- somehow, a large mysterious monster had come to inhabit Balbusa. And so Ba'ul and Judith took the wise course and stayed far away.
With the amount of care they took in keeping away from the town, no one recognized that Judith was involved. Someday in the future Hermes would hear those rumors, and he would scold her frightfully, but that was someday in the future.
And for now...
"It's amazing, Ba'ul! Amazing!"
Freedom. Freedom, and fulfillment.
"We did it, Sir Hermes!"
The excited cries of the engineers rang through the workshop of the Fortress. They were all lifting their voices as one.
In front of them were an assortment of components assembled into a large-scale machine, whirring as it worked and emitting a bright light. Around its edges spun symbols, changing and moving dizzyingly.
"Thank you all so much. This is all because of your efforts," Hermes said, exhausted but still grinning.
The technological breakthrough of a few days ago had been the perfect foothold, and finally their experiment had resulted in complete success.
They had made a blastia. That was the single purpose that the Fortress research institution had been dedicated to.
Up until now, all they had been able to do was excavate and repair blastia that had been discovered in the fallen ruins of ancient civilizations. The main component of blastia were cores, and the technology to manufacture them had been lost long ago. No matter how they tried, there would always be a blastia shortage.
They had determined that the problem was that they had to use excavated cores for everything. Naturally, there were limits to their usefulness like that. Having to depend on relics meant that the demand would always exceed the supply.
It wasn't that Hermes had set out intending to revive the craft of engineering blastia. They'd had success with the containers that housed the blastia core. But when it came to the core itself, what Hermes knew was a pale mockery of what the great researchers of old could do. He couldn't come close to matching the strength and precision of the real thing, nothing that would withstand practical use.
Then Hermes had tried to look at it from a different perspective. There were symbols that defined the nature of each core. So this time he had tried to reason out the engraving procedure and their meanings.
If he could rewrite the operating procedure for the core while maintaining the efficiency and force of the blastia, it would open up new possibilities. And this new blastia compared to the originals in performance, and should even perform at a much higher level.
The blastia right before his eyes was magnificent. It was proof.
Although they hadn't yet tested the stability of the new blastia, it was just a matter of time. They were still determining in what kind of numbers these blastia could be manufactured. Soon, they would take the first batch to a neighboring town, and from there they would begin their clinical trials.
They had modified the blastia. And in doing so, they had modified the world.
Hermes felt his lips thin. It began here.
When he started it, he had thought it was an overambitious dream, but somehow he had made it. In a secret research facility, violating the laws of the Empire, that dream had come true. And now that it was happening, everything would change. The Empire, the Krityans...
It began here. It all began... here.
The world was stirring.
They couldn't hear the humans, but that didn't mean that they weren't listening.
Somewhere, and in several other somewheres, those who were listening pricked up their ears.
And they recognized the signs. And they began to mobilize.
"Dad, are you okay?" Judith asked him anxiously.
"Y... yeah, I'm okay... I think," Hermes said, and then grimaced, belying his words. He was pale, and his steps were unsteady.
"Are you really okay?"
Instead of replying, Hermes leaned against the nearby rock ledge and slid down to the ground.
From nearby, Ba'ul made a small noise. As if he were saying, I also want to know if you're okay.
Just a moment ago, Hermes was riding with Judith on Ba'ul's back, all dressed up and ready to fly. Rather than getting angry about her flying on Ba'ul, Hermes had been enthusiastic and wanted to try it himself.
Hermes had instructed them to stay far away from Temza, and so they took off from the Balbusa cave, and instantly they were out in the vast open sky. Despite his intention to keep his eyes on Temza, he found his gaze drawn to the whole sky. He had even unthinkingly let out a thoroughly undignified shout of joy.
Ba'ul and Judith, who had already been out flying many times, were determined to give him the full experience, so that he would understand.
And now that Hermes, who was unaccustomed to such excitements, had experienced this, he would finally give up and pronounce that he would no longer be traveling away.
But they circled around the overhanging rock three times, turning around, going up and down, and it had been too much. Judith tried to think back on what had gone wrong. She hadn't realized that Hermes couldn't share with Ba'ul, the way she could.
"I see... I see, that's the big deal," Hermes gasped, struggling to contain the contents of his stomach. "I get it. That's quite a wonderful experience -- it's quite convenient to be able to travel so freely. But, if it could just be... a little less turbulent..."
Judith lifted her head to exchange a glance with Ba'ul, and smile.
Like Fwineeg. A splendid secret.
"I thought it would be more impressive than that."
The adulthood ceremony was not a large-scale celebration. Even knowing that, Judith was still a little bit disappointed.
No one was expected to get dressed up for the day, and the altar was not adorned with elegant ornaments. They were gathered in the assembly hall with its one chamber, which was not decorated in any way.
There were four people who were becoming adults that day. Aside from Judith, they were all at least eighteen years old. The ones in her line of sight looked uncomfortable, and Judith hoped in the awkward silence that it would end quickly.
The woman who had been Judith's instructor all this time was one of the people leading them, and the elders of Temza were there. Judith was relieved not to be alone facing them all.
"For generations, we Krityans have engaged in this tradition, a cornerstone of our culture. Those who have passed before have have gained awareness of our people and joined the Great Circle," one of the elders pronounced, beginning the ceremony. It started to feel like a real ritual, and Judith pulled herself together.
"Those imperfect ones who still seek self-awareness, speak up. For those who wish to join the Circle must be strong."
An elderly instructor stepped forward.
"I ask of you who have mastered the nageeg. Is it your wish to join the Great Circle?"
"Yes."
"Yes."
"It is."
Judith was intently listening to the other three answer, and she flustered, saying, "Y-- Yes!"
The instructor smiled. "Very well. Then, I will now guide you into the Great Circle."
At a signal from the elderly instructor, another teacher stepped forward and handed each of them a small sphere. It was tiny compared to the one used in their training.
"Now, read. If you are truly masters of the nageeg, you should be able to do it."
Although slightly confused, they all concentrated on their spheres. Judith did the same.
There were so many more images packed into this sphere than the practice orbs, vast and complicated. At length the whole story unfolded. There were words and shapes, things with no meaning, all with one aim in mind. She couldn't understand it, but she memorized it with the nageeg.
When she opened her eyes again, it seemed as though the other three had finished in the same moment.
"What you have just witnessed is the Circle's code. Now return the orb, and come forward."
Judith handed the sphere back to the instructor.
A meager twenty adults were waiting there. They were all calmly smiling as Judith and the others were ushered in. Their eyes were all fixed on the graduates when they came to a stop.
"Enter inward, and call upon your nageeg, bearing in mind the code that you have just seen."
Confused, they obeyed again.
It felt as if the air around Judith exploded. Some unseen power surged around her from every direction, wrapping her up in it -- coming into her. What was this?!
It felt like spirit energy, transmission of emotion. But it was different from with Ba'ul, one-sided and a little forceful. Judith feared it instinctively.
But to her astonishment, between one instant and the next the chaos resolved itself, transforming into a calm contentment. The fear evened out, like fertile soil planted with sweet little flower buds.
Everything seemed tranquil.
Surrounded in that tranquility, Judith felt other people around her. They were much closer to her than before, warm and affectionate. She could feel that they were at peace, and she felt the same way. She felt as if they greeted her as an equal, a member of their group, and she knew that the other three with her felt the same way.
There was nothing to worry about. There was nothing to worry about at all. Judith relaxed.
"The Circle's code is not only to guide the usage of nageeg," she heard the instructor saying. "You will be able to think back on this code and uphold the Circle's values, and soon you will become accustomed to it, so that even if you forget, you will abide by them."
She didn't quite understand that, either, but she didn't worry about it. Her doubts had been completely erased, the same way her fears had been.
"With this, the adulthood ceremony has ended. Congratulations, once again. You are now members of the Great Circle. Please, return to your families and close friends and share your tranquility with them."
It was a wonderful feeling.
"I'm home!"
"Ah, welcome back. Um, Dad, I...... huh?"
Judith paused, bewildered. She had a strange feeling. It was her father, without a doubt, but her connection to him felt thin, somehow. Even reaching out to him with her mind, it was like an invisible wall separated them, and she couldn't quite get to him.
When Hermes saw his daughter's puzzled look, he understood.
"......You've completed your adulthood ceremony, haven't you."
There was no need to say anything else. Warring feelings surged through him, and Hermes found that he couldn't stand still. The success of his research had made him want to celebrate, but now this...
What should he do? Even if he delayed his research, since he needed to be in constant attendance for this stage, would it change anything? What if he had been present at the adulthood ceremony to consent? That would probably be enough for most Krityans. What if he hadn't let her undergo the ceremony until she was older? Could they have managed for ten more years? Although it was far ahead of schedule, it was only natural that Judith should view the other Krityans as her family. Even if he had avoided it now, someday, eventually...
No. Hermes groaned. He should have made the time to talk to her. For his own sake, and for her sake. But he had made excuses and fled to the safety of his research.
"...Dad, are you mad?"
"No... It's fine. I'm sorry. This should be a happy occasion."
Judith glanced at him, curiously. Even though she should have been crushed to not get the reaction she was expecting, this girl...
Hermes shut his eyes tightly.
This was what it meant to join the Great Circle. Temza had long considered conflict and hostility to be foolish, and the secret to preventing those things from occurring was the secret of being unable to reach out to others.
Because of the nageeg, the Krityan clan were mentally connected to each other. They were able to share their emotions with each other, so they were able to keep themselves uniform. Whatever the majority felt, that emotion dominated all others in the Circle. The Krityans had cultivated their serene disposition for many years, and they would continue to be governed by that dominant mentality.
If someone felt a strong emotional impetus -- anger, or sadness, or fear, or joy, or curiosity -- they might embrace that emotion, but it was like casting a pebble into a river: its ripples would be smoothed out, and vanish.
The Great Circle was literally a great tranquility, a great empathy -- to those who had joined it. And only those who had joined it.
Judith's hand brushed his face. "You're crying."
Hermes glanced away, and Judith frowned at him.
"Dad... Hey, this is so strange. I can't find you. Even though everyone else is right here with me."
It felt like a needle thrust into his heart. Hermes slowly looked back at Judith again.
"That's because you can't touch me, Judith," he said with a lonely smile. "I've been cast out of the Great Circle."
Judith looked at him blankly. "Well, then, why don't you take the adulthood ceremony again?"
Hermes shook his head. "No, I can't. You see, long ago, I was known as Melg. Do you know what a wanderer is?"
"Someone who travels the world."
"That's right. For a lot of reasons, I felt I didn't fit in Temzan life, so I left on a journey to see the rest of the world. I expected that after a few years, I would come back, and join the Circle."
Hermes paused for a moment to sigh. Judith watched him intently, waiting for his words. She didn't seem to be finding his story boring. He wondered what she would make of the rest? He couldn't begin to guess.
"I've always needed to explore mysterious things. But no one in Temza thought about things the way I did. So to learn more, I had to leave Temza. But I always missed Temza. And more than that, your mother was here."
"My mother?"
"Yes. She waited for me for a long time. When I returned, we were going to get married. And that's when I joined the Circle, too."
Judith tilted her head to the side, and asked, "Then why are things so different now?"
It was the natural question, but Hermes couldn't answer for a long moment.
"......Because your mother died," he said finally, forcing out the words. He had never been able to talk to Judith about her mother's death. "When she passed away, I was cut off from the Great Circle. I don't know whether it was because my grief was so strong that it was upsetting the Circle, or because I subconsciously closed off my nageeg. But I never returned to the Circle after that."
"Hmm. But why?"
Hermes wet his lips. He had asked himself that same question over and over. Certainly if he returned to the Circle, it wouldn't be all that bad. It could be very helpful in times like this. But Hermes hadn't gone back.
"......I felt like I should grieve."
"Is that so," Judith said sadly, her expression clouded, eyes downcast. Even if she couldn't fully understand it, she empathized with his sadness.
Of course. Hermes had never admitted it to himself. But joining the Great Circle didn't destroy the ability to feel. When a Circle member was sad, they cried; when they were happy, they smiled. It was only their strongest impulses and desires that were suppressed. What was so bad about that?
"I felt like I should grieve," Hermes repeated, one more time.
Judith hugged him lightly. He couldn't tell whether she also missed her mother, whose face she had never known, or simply wanted to try to comfort her father. But it was a very gentle embrace.
Soon enough she drew back, and smiled. "Don't worry, Dad. I'm here for you."
"......Thank you."
Judith withdrew to her room. Hermes looked through the doorway, watching for a while longer.
His daughter had given him such a mild, gentle smile. As if she didn't really understand at all. Hermes had seen that smile before, on the face of Murcy and other residents of Temza.
He wanted to see Judith's smile again.
When he went into his study, he dropped down onto the stool heavily, feeling like his body suddenly weighed twice as much. He had meant to sort through his documents, but his eyes skimmed over the letters without comprehending their meaning. After several tries, he finally he gave up, and leaned his arms on the desk, lowering his head to rest on top of them.
If he returned to the Circle, it was a given that his sorrow over his wife's passing would be erased. But that wasn't the only reason not to return.
Why didn't the Temzans use blastia? They knew that it had been invented in ancient times, but why didn't the Krityans ever wonder about that? Before joining the Great Circle, he had spent years wanting to know the answer to that, but instead of finding an answer he had only wondered more.
He'd investigated the blastia, and marveled at their implications. He'd been to Aspio and Zaphias. He had gone on a quest to find out how much the ancients had accomplished, and how much modern man had lost. When he'd been a part of the Great Circle, he hadn't asked those questions, he had simply accepted them as fact. By limiting all passion, the Great Circle would target and correct his questions and his interests.
When his wife had died and he found himself outside of the Circle, his curiosity returned along with the sorrow that he felt. Hermes had been first afraid, and then angry -- if Temza had bothered to use practical blastia, his wife might have been able to survive.
If he hadn't known, he wouldn't have ever thought about it. But now that he did know, Hermes couldn't help but feel like joining the Circle would mean abandoning himself. Wasn't the Circle something that had been created by their ancestors to refine themselves? He kept thinking that. Probably, after achieving their goals, the ancestors had forgotten all of their ingenious innovations.
The nageeg was suspicious. What was it really, this strange, innate aspect of their people? With the power of the ancient civilization, could they have altered even life itself--?
There were endless doubts teeming to the surface of his mind. Hermes wanted the truth.
But the most terrifying part was that even now, the tranquility of the Great Circle was ingrained in him. From the moment he was born, the Circle had just been a constant presence in his life, natural. He had never questioned it, always believed that it was only right for a Krityan to join it.
Living in Temza outside the Circle, Hermes was constantly tormented by his feelings of alienation, even though his neighbors treated him with the same gentleness they would show any outsider. If not for Judith's strong opposition, he would have left Temza with her long ago.
He kept telling himself stubbornly that he was the exception. But the temptation to return was sometimes unbearable.
In order to remain true to himself while staying in Temza, he had turned his back on the serenity of the Circle. He refused to chip away at his feelings and lose interest in his studies. He felt that even more after his first experience in the Circle.
Hermes lifted his head and stared at the ceiling.
Well, when he felt that Judith could bear the journey, they could go someplace where the Krityan lifestyle didn't exist -- to Aspio. There they didn't have the Circle.
Judith was already eight years old. Soon, the day would come. And then Hermes would get his daughter back.
With that meager comfort, Hermes returned to his work.
((Editor's notes: Krityans are Stepford wives. I am pretty creeped out right about now. Holy wow. This is so many layers of Judith that I just had no idea but which make sense when you think about them. I wonder if Ba'ul will notice the change in her? Their bond is so beautiful in the beginning of this chapter.))
((I just want to hug Hermes forever. But now we now that Hermes was Melg the wanderer; if you'll recall, Murcy brought this name up in 1.2 and Hermes acted like he'd been slapped.))
((The Entelexeia are briefly mentioned as mobilizing in this chapter. There's an image of Duke in the next chapter, 2.3, so you can expect an encounter with him!))