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Merry Hobbitmas
Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Kickin' Kwanzaa, etc! As part of my family tradition, we went to see a movie for Christmas, and I don't care what anybody fucking says: the Hobbit was awesome. Battle of the Five Armies was everything I wanted.
...Basically what I wanted was just to see the rest of Thorin's story play out, so I wasn't really asking for much except that Jackson not fuck it up.
• Smaug vs Laketown was cool and intense, wrapped up quickly but with satisfaction, proceeded to the titular five armies stuff.
• You can see that Thorin is already not doing well because everyone is horrified about the fate of Laketown, except Thorin, who is facing the other way, brooding over his mountain full of treasure...
• Kili and Tauriel really should have ended up together living happily ever after.
• Also Thorin and Bilbo really should have made out in this movie. God, the acorn scene in particular was so cute. You could almost see Thorin being so moved by Bilbo's adorable that he shook off dragon-sickness and was happy for a minute until Dwalin was all "The people from Laketown are here for your shinies" and he visibly grims up.
• Thranduil is such a beautiful asshole. I love how this movie did not hesitate to call him out on it. I was offended on his behalf when bitches cut down his battle moose, though. How dare you.
• God, Bilbo handing over the Arkenstone and going, "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this because those dwarves are my friends and I love them and this is the only thing I can think of to do that will help them."
• ...Everything Bilbo did, okay.
• I loved the scene where Thorin shook off his sickness. I loved that he stumbled around in the great hall with the new gold floor lol and we had a montage of his logical defensive rationales for his behavior against everything that had been said to underline that he wasn't himself and his desire to not become this person and then he overcame it... I loved Thorin's whole arc in this movie -- it really underlined that he was a tragic hero, that he was a noble and good person before he came to Erebor and the treasure corrupted him, and he fought it off in the end.
• And it finally shut my mother up about how he's a greedy monster and everything is his fault and he sucks, because no matter how much I told her he is legitimately sick she wouldn't shut up about it until she saw it for herself.
• I was hoping that Legolas might have more explicitly been feeling pro-dwarf after the movie, maybe a, "If Tauriel sees something worthwhile in them I should be more open-minded?" but I guess I'll take, "My dad is an asshole so I'll help her help the dwarves and maybe end up not hating it."
• Alfred in his corset standing hipshot with huge curvy bosoms full of stolen gold and completely shameless about it = the only worthwhile thing he's ever done.
• Thorin and Bilbo's goodbye slkdjflskgj baww Bilbo crying
• Oddly I ended up kind of wanting Tauriel and Thranduil to have some sort of twisted second-best thing...???
• I liked Legolas and Thranduil, after fighting the entire movie, having an olive branch moment there at the end. I thought that was nice.
Was that everything? I can't remember anything else. Oh, wait--
• Fucking dwarves on fucking riding rams.
...Basically what I wanted was just to see the rest of Thorin's story play out, so I wasn't really asking for much except that Jackson not fuck it up.
• Smaug vs Laketown was cool and intense, wrapped up quickly but with satisfaction, proceeded to the titular five armies stuff.
• You can see that Thorin is already not doing well because everyone is horrified about the fate of Laketown, except Thorin, who is facing the other way, brooding over his mountain full of treasure...
• Kili and Tauriel really should have ended up together living happily ever after.
• Also Thorin and Bilbo really should have made out in this movie. God, the acorn scene in particular was so cute. You could almost see Thorin being so moved by Bilbo's adorable that he shook off dragon-sickness and was happy for a minute until Dwalin was all "The people from Laketown are here for your shinies" and he visibly grims up.
• Thranduil is such a beautiful asshole. I love how this movie did not hesitate to call him out on it. I was offended on his behalf when bitches cut down his battle moose, though. How dare you.
• God, Bilbo handing over the Arkenstone and going, "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this because those dwarves are my friends and I love them and this is the only thing I can think of to do that will help them."
• ...Everything Bilbo did, okay.
• I loved the scene where Thorin shook off his sickness. I loved that he stumbled around in the great hall with the new gold floor lol and we had a montage of his logical defensive rationales for his behavior against everything that had been said to underline that he wasn't himself and his desire to not become this person and then he overcame it... I loved Thorin's whole arc in this movie -- it really underlined that he was a tragic hero, that he was a noble and good person before he came to Erebor and the treasure corrupted him, and he fought it off in the end.
• And it finally shut my mother up about how he's a greedy monster and everything is his fault and he sucks, because no matter how much I told her he is legitimately sick she wouldn't shut up about it until she saw it for herself.
• I was hoping that Legolas might have more explicitly been feeling pro-dwarf after the movie, maybe a, "If Tauriel sees something worthwhile in them I should be more open-minded?" but I guess I'll take, "My dad is an asshole so I'll help her help the dwarves and maybe end up not hating it."
• Alfred in his corset standing hipshot with huge curvy bosoms full of stolen gold and completely shameless about it = the only worthwhile thing he's ever done.
• Thorin and Bilbo's goodbye slkdjflskgj baww Bilbo crying
• Oddly I ended up kind of wanting Tauriel and Thranduil to have some sort of twisted second-best thing...???
• I liked Legolas and Thranduil, after fighting the entire movie, having an olive branch moment there at the end. I thought that was nice.
Was that everything? I can't remember anything else. Oh, wait--
• Fucking dwarves on fucking riding rams.
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...and as that's the last good thing I have to say about this movie, I'll leave off. :>