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A Ju-style Rant
I have nothing against her personally. I love her to death. I think she's fun and tolerant and such, such a good person. But I really don't think she's any good at this dungeonmaster thing. I know this sounds hypocritical of me and all, looking at the four-months defunct Infinite Possibilities, but I know how to DM. In the year that the game has run, I've never had any problems like the ones she's having -- problems occurring not because of the players, but because of the DM.
And I realize that she doesn't understand this, but the problems ARE because of her as DM. This rant is a lecture about why.
I have participated in a number of roleplaying games, and I've DMed one, and I've known DMs of others and studied them. I know what will get you into trouble and what won't. I've played no fewer than three games with the topic of my rant, and I keep seeing these same mistakes. Keep reading -- maybe you'll learn something, for any games you choose to play or create, Gentle Reader.
Mistake #1: Forgetting that Your Players Are People, and Need to Be Treated Like People
In order to DM a game, you have to remember that your players are people, and thus in order to play with them, you need to keep in mind how to DEAL with people. Being tolerant and open and understanding when someone comes to you with a problem is only part of that: the other part is control. You're not just soothing troubled People. You also have to tell them what to do, where to go, how to play, etc. And when we're talking about large groups of People, we're talking about SHEEP. You have to HERD them. Push them around. Make them go places.
It's a lot of work. But if you slack off, you'll never get anything done. People won't post, they won't interact, they won't even start an RP session that they're already gathered in. It is the nature of People as a collective to be lazy; it is the nature of People in groups to sit around and chat.
When you are dealing with a list of people -- do not just send things to the list. Some people may not check their email regularly. Some people don't read the ML emails all the time. Some people may have sorted the email into Junk and deleted it without ever knowing. A thousand things could've happened, and meanwhile you're getting personally offended because no one is contacting you, but they have no idea. This has happened to me with my friend the inept DM more than once. I don't check my mail that regularly; I rarely get interesting email anymore. In your game, if you want people to talk to you, or if you want to make sure they hear something, you have to TELL THEM PERSONALLY -- a personal email, or IM them yourself. Otherwise they will never do it. I know this firsthand: I gave commands for certain people to speak to me four months ago when the MKRPG broke off, and only one of them ever did. She's no longer playing.
When you are dealing with a chatroom full of people -- do not, under any circumstances, wait for them to quiet down on their own. Imagine yourself in an auditorium of students from your high school. They are gathered for an assembly. What are they doing? Are they waiting quietly for the principal to address the Issue of the Day? No. They are talking. Talking amongst themselves, visiting friends in other rows, reading books. This is the nature of People in large groups: they socialize and entertain themselves until an Authority Figure comes and draws them to the Issue of the Day. When the principal comes out and orders the students to the Issue, most of them will stop talking, go back to their seats, and put down their books. If the principal doesn't begin talking, on the other hand, they will go right back to what they're doing; if the principal is not firm enough, they will ignore him. Dealing with a chatroom is exactly like this -- for reasons I am about to cover in Mistake #2.
Mistake #2: Assuming that Anybody Cares About the RP as Much as You Do
I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. You are the one who is irritated when players don't post, when they don't show up for interactions, or when they don't play enough. You are irritated because you are the dungeonmaster; this isn't just a game to you, it's your BABY. But in the end, your players will never care about a game as much as you do. That means that when the players fall short of your expectations, you have to confront them and take matters into your own hands.
When a player's behavior has irritated you, you must handle the issue. You can not rely on any sort of tactic that will depend on the player thinking about the game half as often as you. You can not stop talking to someone outside of the game and assume that they will notice your quiet and realize that something that has happened in the game that you refuse to seriously acknowledge and that's why you're being quiet. You can not avoid the issue, pretending in public that nothing is wrong and you're all smiles and have no problems, and then in private -- on your LJ, on your DJ, which you have no evidence the player in question even knows about -- sulk about the issue.
(Please note: I never noticed that my topic-person, for example, had been ignoring me. I never talked much to her crowd in the first place; a situation I found regrettable, but there you go. She never IM'd me just to chat in the first place. No, I didn't notice she'd been ignoring me, until such time as I went to her DJ and read that she was ignoring me and I should notice.)
Because in the end, in the end, always in the end, this game is your baby. The player only thinks of your baby as a game -- a leisure-time activity, something to do when they're online and bored. It is not anybody's life. If you don't make sure your baby is alive and well, it will suffer from neglect. The way my baby is. But nothing will ever be solved by trusting that other people love your game like THEIR babies when it's only your baby, and certainly not from cowardly tactics like those in avoiding problems. The only way you can be sure your problem will be solved is if you take control and make the player see the game-related problem. And, thanks to the miracle of segues, that is similar to Mistake #3.
Mistake #3: Not Being "The Boss Lady"
Neesama's term; applicable to either gender. ^^ A DM must be the Boss Lady -- must be in control, and willing to be harsh on her players if it comes down to that. If you aren't willing to get on people's cases, you will have problems managing your players: it's really as simple as that. Neesama and I have tried several times to explain this to the DM in question, and it was met with continual denial.
If your players won't stop talking in a chat? You must tell them to stop as many times as it takes, and not wait patiently for them to run out of things to talk about. If you have players who aren't posting? You must nag them to post as many times as it takes, and not give them the silent treatment and hope they guess the reason. If you have players who are disrespecting you or breaking the rules? You must tell them to stop, and you must be firm.
You must keep the game moving if you want to keep it moving (in my case, with the MKRPG, I really couldn't care less if we get to the plot or not; that's up to the players, I say) and you must not ever assume that your moderators should be more responsible for anything than you yourself are. You should not be afraid to speak to people -- you should never resort to cowardly tactics, indirect measures, or public rebukings to tell your players what to do. Those will never solve your problems, and even when the other person IS aware of these efforts, they will be very angry. You shouldn't manipulate your players into doing things your way. You're a boss, not a politician: talk to your players, tell them what to do, and fire them if they don't do it.
And as a boss, or a politician, when problems come your way...
Mistake #4: Taking Things Too Personally
Don't take things personally. When someone tries to tell you you're not doing things right, don't take it personally. When people try and help you make things better -- give you what amounts to DM-ing C&C -- do not take it personally.
Don't take THIS personally. It's meant to help you. But I know that Topic-san will take it personally. She took Neesama's extremely-polite-for-Neesama letter personally -- she took all our efforts to help her, and all our efforts to NOT help her, personally. But at this point, with Neesama already quit, I don't see why I should pull the punches. If she takes this personally, whether or not I have to read about it on her online journals, I will have to leave the RP as well, because I can't take a DM who is not only blaming other people for her difficulties and not allowing others to advise her, but who can't separate the game from reality. I can only hope we can still be friends, but I won't play when obviously my presence is causing problems -- for us all.
But she can't deny that these problems have been haunting her. Projects just die when nobody posts, or things drag on and force you to set one deadline after another when they never get met. Players fall out, losing interest or feeling disconnected or moving on. Hours upon hours of random pre-RP conversation. I've been in three RPs with her -- these problems are the same each time. I wish it doesn't have to be this way, but it is.
Yelling about someone on your LJ/DJ is the same as yelling at them in person. Only without the option of fixing things. You know?
In other news, I can't find "Can't Fight the Moonlight" -- the radio-edit dance mix version. Not the regular LeAnn Rymes (spelling optional) version, but the dance remix version you hear on the radio. A lot. All the time. Except that it's not online, anywhere. It's just on the radio. I'm going crazy. Jillia won't stop singing along to it, and insisting Franklin dance with her to it, and insisting loudly to it that Franklin is just like the sun, man, he's just that kind of guy, until the point where Franklin takes away her [insert large number here]th drink.
And I realize that she doesn't understand this, but the problems ARE because of her as DM. This rant is a lecture about why.
I have participated in a number of roleplaying games, and I've DMed one, and I've known DMs of others and studied them. I know what will get you into trouble and what won't. I've played no fewer than three games with the topic of my rant, and I keep seeing these same mistakes. Keep reading -- maybe you'll learn something, for any games you choose to play or create, Gentle Reader.
Mistake #1: Forgetting that Your Players Are People, and Need to Be Treated Like People
In order to DM a game, you have to remember that your players are people, and thus in order to play with them, you need to keep in mind how to DEAL with people. Being tolerant and open and understanding when someone comes to you with a problem is only part of that: the other part is control. You're not just soothing troubled People. You also have to tell them what to do, where to go, how to play, etc. And when we're talking about large groups of People, we're talking about SHEEP. You have to HERD them. Push them around. Make them go places.
It's a lot of work. But if you slack off, you'll never get anything done. People won't post, they won't interact, they won't even start an RP session that they're already gathered in. It is the nature of People as a collective to be lazy; it is the nature of People in groups to sit around and chat.
When you are dealing with a list of people -- do not just send things to the list. Some people may not check their email regularly. Some people don't read the ML emails all the time. Some people may have sorted the email into Junk and deleted it without ever knowing. A thousand things could've happened, and meanwhile you're getting personally offended because no one is contacting you, but they have no idea. This has happened to me with my friend the inept DM more than once. I don't check my mail that regularly; I rarely get interesting email anymore. In your game, if you want people to talk to you, or if you want to make sure they hear something, you have to TELL THEM PERSONALLY -- a personal email, or IM them yourself. Otherwise they will never do it. I know this firsthand: I gave commands for certain people to speak to me four months ago when the MKRPG broke off, and only one of them ever did. She's no longer playing.
When you are dealing with a chatroom full of people -- do not, under any circumstances, wait for them to quiet down on their own. Imagine yourself in an auditorium of students from your high school. They are gathered for an assembly. What are they doing? Are they waiting quietly for the principal to address the Issue of the Day? No. They are talking. Talking amongst themselves, visiting friends in other rows, reading books. This is the nature of People in large groups: they socialize and entertain themselves until an Authority Figure comes and draws them to the Issue of the Day. When the principal comes out and orders the students to the Issue, most of them will stop talking, go back to their seats, and put down their books. If the principal doesn't begin talking, on the other hand, they will go right back to what they're doing; if the principal is not firm enough, they will ignore him. Dealing with a chatroom is exactly like this -- for reasons I am about to cover in Mistake #2.
Mistake #2: Assuming that Anybody Cares About the RP as Much as You Do
I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. You are the one who is irritated when players don't post, when they don't show up for interactions, or when they don't play enough. You are irritated because you are the dungeonmaster; this isn't just a game to you, it's your BABY. But in the end, your players will never care about a game as much as you do. That means that when the players fall short of your expectations, you have to confront them and take matters into your own hands.
When a player's behavior has irritated you, you must handle the issue. You can not rely on any sort of tactic that will depend on the player thinking about the game half as often as you. You can not stop talking to someone outside of the game and assume that they will notice your quiet and realize that something that has happened in the game that you refuse to seriously acknowledge and that's why you're being quiet. You can not avoid the issue, pretending in public that nothing is wrong and you're all smiles and have no problems, and then in private -- on your LJ, on your DJ, which you have no evidence the player in question even knows about -- sulk about the issue.
(Please note: I never noticed that my topic-person, for example, had been ignoring me. I never talked much to her crowd in the first place; a situation I found regrettable, but there you go. She never IM'd me just to chat in the first place. No, I didn't notice she'd been ignoring me, until such time as I went to her DJ and read that she was ignoring me and I should notice.)
Because in the end, in the end, always in the end, this game is your baby. The player only thinks of your baby as a game -- a leisure-time activity, something to do when they're online and bored. It is not anybody's life. If you don't make sure your baby is alive and well, it will suffer from neglect. The way my baby is. But nothing will ever be solved by trusting that other people love your game like THEIR babies when it's only your baby, and certainly not from cowardly tactics like those in avoiding problems. The only way you can be sure your problem will be solved is if you take control and make the player see the game-related problem. And, thanks to the miracle of segues, that is similar to Mistake #3.
Mistake #3: Not Being "The Boss Lady"
Neesama's term; applicable to either gender. ^^ A DM must be the Boss Lady -- must be in control, and willing to be harsh on her players if it comes down to that. If you aren't willing to get on people's cases, you will have problems managing your players: it's really as simple as that. Neesama and I have tried several times to explain this to the DM in question, and it was met with continual denial.
If your players won't stop talking in a chat? You must tell them to stop as many times as it takes, and not wait patiently for them to run out of things to talk about. If you have players who aren't posting? You must nag them to post as many times as it takes, and not give them the silent treatment and hope they guess the reason. If you have players who are disrespecting you or breaking the rules? You must tell them to stop, and you must be firm.
You must keep the game moving if you want to keep it moving (in my case, with the MKRPG, I really couldn't care less if we get to the plot or not; that's up to the players, I say) and you must not ever assume that your moderators should be more responsible for anything than you yourself are. You should not be afraid to speak to people -- you should never resort to cowardly tactics, indirect measures, or public rebukings to tell your players what to do. Those will never solve your problems, and even when the other person IS aware of these efforts, they will be very angry. You shouldn't manipulate your players into doing things your way. You're a boss, not a politician: talk to your players, tell them what to do, and fire them if they don't do it.
And as a boss, or a politician, when problems come your way...
Mistake #4: Taking Things Too Personally
Don't take things personally. When someone tries to tell you you're not doing things right, don't take it personally. When people try and help you make things better -- give you what amounts to DM-ing C&C -- do not take it personally.
Don't take THIS personally. It's meant to help you. But I know that Topic-san will take it personally. She took Neesama's extremely-polite-for-Neesama letter personally -- she took all our efforts to help her, and all our efforts to NOT help her, personally. But at this point, with Neesama already quit, I don't see why I should pull the punches. If she takes this personally, whether or not I have to read about it on her online journals, I will have to leave the RP as well, because I can't take a DM who is not only blaming other people for her difficulties and not allowing others to advise her, but who can't separate the game from reality. I can only hope we can still be friends, but I won't play when obviously my presence is causing problems -- for us all.
But she can't deny that these problems have been haunting her. Projects just die when nobody posts, or things drag on and force you to set one deadline after another when they never get met. Players fall out, losing interest or feeling disconnected or moving on. Hours upon hours of random pre-RP conversation. I've been in three RPs with her -- these problems are the same each time. I wish it doesn't have to be this way, but it is.
Yelling about someone on your LJ/DJ is the same as yelling at them in person. Only without the option of fixing things. You know?
In other news, I can't find "Can't Fight the Moonlight" -- the radio-edit dance mix version. Not the regular LeAnn Rymes (spelling optional) version, but the dance remix version you hear on the radio. A lot. All the time. Except that it's not online, anywhere. It's just on the radio. I'm going crazy. Jillia won't stop singing along to it, and insisting Franklin dance with her to it, and insisting loudly to it that Franklin is just like the sun, man, he's just that kind of guy, until the point where Franklin takes away her [insert large number here]th drink.
no subject
I happen to agree with all of this. When I ran a game, in addition to all of the emails I sent -- which rarely got answered -- each of my players also got a personal IM prompt between an hour and 15 minutes before each session, giving the channel, the password and fair warning to make their ramen now before we begin. More than one of them also got poked, prodded or sometimes yelled at in DCC when they weren't shutting up or showing up or were running out of bounds with their character.
It took me an hour to make them stop chattering each time. Most of that was because I ran this game at work while I was answering helpdesk phones. From first prompt to actual scene probably took twenty minutes each session. I always expected it and planned accordingly.
I did make sure we had Q&A time before each session, but I didn't start the SCENE with it. I asked "Are there any questions?" and if there was no coherent response, I began yelling for start. I had a prompt to begin each session. "It's ten o'clock. It's pouring outside. The club meeting is starting. Where is your character?" was the usual one. This leaves no wiggle room. Anyone screwing around unduly after that got smacked. Never did I think sitting back and letting them talk themselves out was an option. Ha! One of my players was Kay, who by herself is responsible for at least half of a Trillian log that routinely tops 1MB. Shut up? Good God, these players wouldn't stop talking on their own if you cut their lips off! Without a prompt, they had no REASON to stop socializing.
I was fully aware that if not prompted repeatedly and obnoxiously my players would wander blithely off into the sunset. Anyone who ignored my prompts about important things, like character sheets, did not get to play. People who ignored my prompts about their character's in-game behavior got in-game smackings. Too many smackings and they were smacked right out of play. I threatened to ban people from the channel more than once if they didn't calm down.
When anybody objected to how I was running the game, we worked it out privately. Some of them got what they wanted, some of them didn't. We all realized that the game != real life and while it was occasionally annoying not to get your Hackmaster +12 sword approved for use nobody had a coronary over it. I certainly didn't stonewall and sulk just because someone questioned my call as a DM. I had the option of telling them that it was my way or the highway, because I HAD a way established.
I know this sounds bitchy as all hell, but out of nine people who expressed interest in playing and eight who actually made up character sheets and did, I got five of them semi-coherently through a story before the year ended, and therefore so did the game. This is an excellent rate of attrition for any group RP, tabletop, email, journal or chatroom. None of them are pissed at me for putting my foot down and using a fire hose to herd them like recalcitrant cats.
</semi-rant-mode>
With regards to the yelling in journals thing, Topic-san has been told all of this, except more politely. It won't come as any surprise.