Coffee House Confessional

Join because you hate how seriously everyone takes vampires. Or perhaps just because you know you'll have as much fun playing it as I had writing the game details for it:

The first step of the Confessional is to realize that, even as a vampire, you are not incapable of having a nice, quiet, normal meal. You can have hamburgers and soda or baked ziti and chocolate milk. A lot of the vampires who descended into madness did so because they relied too much on blood. That much iron going straight into the brain isn't good for you, you know.

The second step of the Confessional is to replace your usual blood intake with a substitute. Miss Marvel has a wonderful powder that can be mixed into most drinks in order to create a sort of surrogate to tide over the blood-drinking habit. Remember: the wolf and the lamb can never be friends, but the wolf who has learned to enjoy tofurkey instead of lambchops can be friends with everyone.

The third step of the Confessional is the handy point system. Just like all diets, the Confessional allows you a certain leeway as you break your ugly addictions. Each feeding (standard serving size one pint; don't be greedy!) counts as one point of your monthly allowance. You are allowed five points per month. It is Miss Marvel's intention that you not use more than four -- one per week.

The fourth step of the Confessional is to build a community atmosphere, with others like you who have made the wise decision to step away from the world of violence and terror, into the light of day.

Not literally, though.