Abridged "All's Well That Ends Well"

This is my abridged version of the play, All's Well That Ends Well.

DIRECTOR: This is a play about a strong, pre-feminism feminist who does whatever it takes to get what she wants, even going to the king himself and winning his favor. No one can figure out why she wants to marry this jackass so badly, though. Maybe Shakespeare was making commentary on how your first love is never what's really good for you.

ACT 1 - IN WHICH HELENA IS MORE DELUDED THAN HINAMORI

Helena: God, I love Bertram so much.
Bertram: Damnit, that woman is still stalking me. Won't she take a clue?

( The director's lies increase exponentially from here on in. )