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Tales of Vesperia: The Silence of the Dragon-Rider - Part 2, Chapter 4
This is a translation of the Tales of Vesperia novels: The Silence of the Dragon-rider, Judith's story. I am only responsible for translating it, and for any content in ((double parentheses)).
PART 2: THE GREAT CIRCLE
Chapter 4
Hermes had changed. He had always been somewhat high-strung, but lately his sensitivity had become excessive. He could get upset over even the smallest things, and he could no longer cover up his irritation.
He was a moody recluse, avoiding the neighbors more and more -- even though he had already been avoiding them as best he could.
He began to leave Temza frequently. He holed himself away in the Fortress, returning to his home atop the mountains only every once in a while. He didn't go so far as Aspio, but considering the amount of time he spent away from Temza, it would hardly have made a difference.
The people of Temza patiently indulged him as he went through this difficult time. The tolerance of the Great Circle even extended to this behavior. And Hermes was only made more agitated by their generosity.
Although under the influence of the Great Circle herself, the bond between father and daughter was too strong for her to exhibit the same polite, dull sympathy that the others gave him. Hermes didn't treat her badly, but seeing how much he had changed upset her.
Judith went to see Ba'ul, and she asked him, "Did something happen? Why is Dad like this now?"
He had carried her father on that night, so she assumed he would know. But Ba'ul only let out a low, sad sound.
"You know, don't you?"
He knew. But he couldn't answer her.
"Why not?"
He'd been forbidden.
"By Dad? Hey, who was it?"
By terrifying people. Truly terrifying people.
"And what they want is more important to you than what I want? But we're friends!"
Please don't blame him, Ba'ul told her. He wasn't capable of defying them.
"What does that mean? That's so unfair. I don't understand."
Honestly, he wasn't sure that he understood what they had discussed either, he indicated. But that didn't convince Judith.
"My dad is suffering. Why? Please, I just want to help him somehow."
Her emotions were in turmoil, and the Great Circle coaxed her back into calm. But it just meant that every day she repeated the same cycle of anxiety, and Judith could never be at peace. Her feelings ran deep, even if she couldn't feel them as intensely. Hermes was Judith's one and only family, irreplaceable, and she couldn't just stop worrying about him.
One night, Hermes came back to the house in a strange mood. Judith poured all her heart and soul into getting a meal ready for him. He ate it, sighed, and said one thing: This is delicious.
That was all Judith needed to be happy.
But much later in the evening, she heard his voice coming from his room, almost shouting.
"I can't do it. There's -- not enough time!"
It didn't even sound like Hermes to Judith where she lay in her bed, plugging her ears. It was a tortured, fearful voice, and it was hard to listen to her father sounding that way. And soon enough his shouts gave way to sobs.
"It doesn't matter now...... Nobody, nobody can escape......"
In the morning when Judith woke up, Hermes had already left.
More than six months passed.
Hermes was impatient. He had spent all that time trying to think of what to do.
The people of Temza and the engineers in the Fortress had become accustomed to his haggard, stressed face. The burdens that he was forced to cope with were intensely weighty issues. But no one else knew what was on his mind.
The Entelexeia had told him many things, but afterward they had forbidden him to tell anyone else. They had claimed that if others even knew of their existence, strong humans would be compelled by jealousy or fear to turn against them.
Not that Hermes wanted to tell anyone about it. He didn't even think they would believe him. He wouldn't have, if proof of the Entelexeia hadn't been right in front of his eyes. The Entelexeia had told him about all the problems with the product of his research, and sought his cooperation in correcting the situation.
Hermes thought about his research day and night. The syntax of the operation, the construction, the blastia diagram, until he was even seeing them in his dreams. He dreamed that he argued with one of his technicians about it, and woke up while they were still shouting at each other.
Their progress was unsatisfying, and he tried to find other ways around it.
The idea came to him unexpectedly, while he was at home getting a change of clothes. He wanted to try it out immediately, and inside his study -- which had always been a junkyard -- he managed to find a small blastia that would work. It wasn't one that he had worked on himself, but it shouldn't hinder the experiment.
He took the blastia outside the house and set it on the ground a short distance away. He lifted the other blastia and began to chant.
Then a shining design appeared in the air around him. At a glance, it could be mistaken for an elaborate artwork, delicate symbols and signs woven in a three-dimensional operation. In an instant, it was drawn with Hermes in the center, complete and glowing remarkably bright -- activated.
Above the blastia he left on the ground, the air distorted. A deep black sphere or a hole appeared in the distortion, charged with crackling light. A forcefield sprang up around it, and the blastia began trembling violently.
"Dad?!"
Judith had stepped out of the house, hearing the noise. She was between Hermes and the forcefield.
"It's dangerous! Get down!!" Hermes shouted, already in motion. He leaped forward and grabbed Judith tightly, hauling her back with all his might. In the same instant, the black forcefield burst and the blastia exploded.
The explosion wasn't too bad, and instead of sending them flying, Hermes fell onto his back, holding tight to Judith. He couldn't hold back a groan as he struck the ground.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?!" He forced himself up, checking on Judith's condition.
"Y-- yeah, Dad, I'm all right...... What was that?"
Hermes got to his feet, glancing at the blastia. He studied the results of the experiment before answering her.
"A dark-element magic arte. By using it directly on the blastia's core, I thought I would be able to get it to disintegrate. But the operation still seems imperfect. It wasn't supposed to go like that."
"You mean... destroy the blastia? On purpose? But don't you build blastia?" Judith asked, surprised.
Hermes gave her a strained smile. "That's true. Even now -- that's true. But, But there's a possibility that the blastia I make could go out of control. It's just that there's no time left. I have to prepare on the assumption that we won't make it. It's frustrating, though."
For a moment he paused, struggling to put it into words.
"And that's why I think I should go to Aspio. There must be materials there that can provide me with clues. Judith, I'll try my best to come back as soon as I can, I'm so sorry......"
"It's okay."
Hermes was completely astonished by her quick, casual reply.
"You'll do your research and then when you're done, you won't have to go anywhere anymore for a while, right? So I'll be patient."
If he had to destroy things he cared about, then she knew it must be something very important. Judith assumed that in a childlike way. And it made her happy. Her father had apologized to her for wanting to go to Aspio. Just like in the old days.
It was okay. Her father was still himself. He was still her beloved father.
Judith smiled at him, a bright smile that would light up a room. Hermes placed a hand on her head.
"Thank you, Judith," Hermes said slowly, as if reflecting on each word. "Thank you."
He had gotten so single-mindedly caught up in his daily struggles that he had forgotten, but Judith had brought it all back to him.
Why had he burdened himself with this heavy responsibility in the first place? Why was he fighting this fight? Reminding himself of the answers filled him with vitality once again.
The same afternoon, Hermes held on to those wishes tightly as he left on his trip.
Time was cruel. And no matter how much a person might wish otherwise, it could not be rewound.
"Battalion, ready fire!" barked the commanding officer.
There were six knights in the main deployment guarding the Fortress, and they simultaneously started up the device. The battalion was preparing a blastia called a hoplon blastia, a powerful artillery weapon.
But as opposed to an ordinary hoplon blastia, which was so large-scale that it had to be installed in a permanent position, this one was on the smaller side and was capable of being made mobile. Hermes had created it.
On the horizon in front of the Fortress, some commotion was stirring up a cloud of dust. It was gradually approaching the Fortress. It looked slow because of how far away it was, so it must have been huge up close.
The knights knew that they were dealing with an emergency, an unusually large swarm of monsters. This wasn't the first time they'd had to do this recently.
Each time it happened, the monsters came straight for the Fortress. The swarm was almost seemed to be well-organized and in formations. The behavior was mysterious.
Similar phenomena had been reported throughout the Empire. The towns there were safe thanks to the barrier blastia, but the highways connecting them weren't so lucky, despite the efforts of the knights and the mercenaries to protect them. Commerce was beginning to be affected.
But here at the Fortress, the knights were unwavering. There were those who were shaken when the monsters first appeared, but now they had faith in their new-model hoplon blastia.
"Fireee!"
The six gunports simultaneously lit up and blasted gleaming death over the landscape. Arching like horizontal lightning, they shot out at the horizon with a thunderous roar. The bullets of light pierced the cloud of dust and burrowed into the earth's surface, creating an explosion that swallowed up dozens of the monsters.
One by one the explosions echoed through the mountain region like distant thunder.
The hoplon blastia didn't let up, continuing to drill holes into the earth's surface through the swarm. One by one the monsters were picked off before they could even get close enough to distinguish with the naked eye. At length, the few surviving monsters changed direction, scattering as they escaped.
The knights and the Fortress technicians let out a victory cry.
From up on the lookout, Hermes watched the retreat, savoring the ironic satisfaction. The power of this first stable prototype was nothing to criticize now that it was complete. It had improved significantly from the first models that had been produced and exported.
He hadn't originally been interested in manufacturing weapons. Although he had his sponsor's unconditional support, Hermes wanted blastia to be more useful to everyone. And like a true researcher, he put all his effort into his subject of the moment, and the results of that effort had borne incredible fruit.
But now-- Hermes's brow furrowed in thought. The problem at the heart of it all still remained. Humans weren't the only ones whose interests needed to be looked after. So in that sense, even with its demonstrated ability, the hoplon blastia was far from perfect.
How would this flashy fireworks show look to them? His heart sank.
"Marvelous. Truly marvelous!"
The commanding officer exited the Fortress behind him, applauding enthusiastically. He was a plump, self-confident man, and Hermes did not especially like him.
"No matter how many times I see it, it never fails to impress me! Being able to take down that many monsters without sweating a drop... Well! We'll all live long, happy lives at this rate."
Obviously he hadn't given a thought to all the sweat that the technicians had shed in their workshops to make his blastia. Hermes smiled vaguely and saluted the man in return.
"Your inventions will surely change the world! I can assure you of that, you have my word on it," the commander added cheerfully, with no idea how true his words were. He turned to head back into the building.
Who had he gone to all this trouble for? Why had he poured his heart into this? The smoke from the explosions had still not died down on the horizon, and Hermes turned over the man's words in his mind over and over again.
The people of Temza were almost completely unaware of any attacking monsters.
What had begun at the foot of the mountains had ended at the foot of the mountains. Sometimes they heard the strange sounds of the hoplon blastia's bombardment echoing up to them through valleys and over mountain peaks. But at those times they would paused at their work in the field, straining their ears to hear more, and then pay it no further attention.
Occasionally people saw the faraway earth through gaps in the sea of cloud, but they didn't see anything surprising, and it didn't come up in conversation. In general, they weren't interested in things that happened outside their town.
Mt. Temza was tall, and the foot of the mountain far away. Monsters were almost never seen in Temza.
For them, today passed by peacefully.
Probably thanks to the Great Circle.
There was no moon out that night. But a visitor came to the Fortress.
Duke Pantarei. Once a knight and a noble of the Empire, and even now there were still many who remembered his name. The knights guarding the Fortress were no exception, and his abrupt visit caught them by surprise.
The Fortress was one of the most important secrets of the knights, to begin with. It was a mystery how he could have found out about it, but the knights couldn't help feeling like driving him away or stopping him would be difficult.
"I would like to meet with the facility supervisor, Sir Hermes."
Those quiet words were all that Duke had to say to have a messenger immediately sent to Hermes.
"...so it was you," Hermes said when he saw Duke.
One year ago, this was the man who had arrived in Temza without warning and taken Hermes to the Entelexeia. He hadn't had the faintest idea that this man was known in the Empire. But Hermes could guess what business he was on today, and he stood stiffly.
The air between them was not that of two acquaintances getting caught up. You could say it was more like a man meeting his executioner.
"You are out of time," Duke informed him, without any trace of mixed feelings.
Even having expected it, Hermes felt his vision go dark with shock. It was like the earth was shaking beneath his feet.
"No-- I need a little more, just a little more time."
"You were promised a full turn of the seasons. They consider the time they have given you more than sufficient. They will not delay any further."
Hermes found himself at a loss for words. But even if he could think of them, he didn't know if there was anything he would be able to say that would improve the situation.
This was Hermes's burden. One year ago, the Entelexeia had told him that his research was hastening a crisis upon the whole world. And they had not intended to sit back and allow that.
They weren't human, and they didn't care what they had to do to stop it. But first they had wanted to ask Hermes what he was doing. Hermes had answered their questions, and begged them to put it off.
At first they had been reluctant to give Hermes his year, but then, surprisingly, Duke had seconded the idea. Hermes didn't understand what the relationship was between Duke and the Entelexeia, but from what Hermes had seen, he seemed to support humans -- in contrast to now that the time had come to face the facts. A time that Hermes had known was coming.
Hermes hung his head. "I... I've lost, haven't I?"
"I could not say. Soon they will begin to take action. But their targets will only be places where the new-model blastia have been put into use. As you know, there are those who wish to take further action, but their wishes have been overruled. It is unlikely that you will be able to avoid victims, but civilization will likely continue," Duke explained, his gaze on Hermes unwavering. "I, too, did not wish for it to come to this. It is regrettable."
His voice didn't carry any emotion as he spoke, but Hermes believed him completely. Even Duke did not seem to have interest in challenging the Entelexeia's decision. Having spoken to the Entelexeia himself, Hermes could not criticize their choice either.
"You did as much as you could. If not for your intervention, they would probably have killed me before I knew anything at all. Dying without ever knowing would be unbearable. I must thank you for that."
Duke's expression didn't change noticeably. "They will not only be targeting your facility. Humanity as a whole bears the blame, in their opinion. If you cease to make blastia, they will probably not bother you."
Hermes felt intense relief at those words, but it was followed immediately by anger.
Hermes was not a knight. He didn't know any sword artes. He was just an ordinary researcher. But at least he was consistently honest. He took pride in the way that he lived, and he wasn't going to abandon it.
Whatever had started this -- maybe it was inevitable -- he had chosen this path, and he could never bring himself to just escape from the consequences. Never.
He was the man who had rejected the Great Circle.
He was half-starved and exhausted, worn to the bone, but Hermes's spirit was bright in his eyes as he met Duke's gaze squarely.
"If the time the Entelexeia gave me has run out, I have every intention of of doing my best until the very end. That's all that I can do."
Duke nodded, silent. As usual, there was no sense of friendship between them, just a chill and a strain in the air. But Hermes thought that he saw respect in Duke's eyes.
"At the very least, you fought to create a better world. I will not forget." And then there was nothing left to say, and the handsome man in black bowed and took his leave.
A lone figure climbed the road leading from the Fortress up to Temza. Sometimes stray monsters wandered into the path, so it wasn't safe to travel at night. But safety was not as important as immediacy in Hermes's opinion. He had also refused an escort from the knights.
Although Duke's news from earlier had been definitive, there might still be something he could do. Naturally, he didn't think Duke had lied to him. Even if he had a flash of divine inspiration this very instant, there probably wasn't enough time to make it work. But as he'd said, he planned to do everything he could until the very end.
But now he was taking action for another reason entirely. Not as Hermes the researcher, but as a single Krityan man, a father who had left things undone and wanted to correct that.
What he was thinking of now was something he didn't want to do. But he still had to.
Monsters were demonstrating strange behavior all over the world lately, attacking people. Duke said that it would be soon, but the consequences they wanted to prevent had already begun.
He had been informed that the knights would be sending reinforcements to the Fortress. Although it was a sign of how valuable Hermes's patron considered him and his research, Hermes's feelings on the matter were mixed. Even if he could explain to his sponsor that the Entelexeia's actions were morally correct, the potential for pointless loss of life -- human life -- would mean that his sponsor would have to act anyway.
Hermes stepped up his pace. He didn't have much physical strength, given the declining state of his health, and the trip was difficult for him. When he finally struggled into Temza, he had exceeded his limits. His body and his heart felt like an old rag, but Hermes kept moving toward his house.
It was late at night, but Judith was still awake. She was waiting for him.
"Welcome home!"
When Hermes heard her voice, the tension drained out of him.
"Dad...?"
Hermes ducked down and crushed Judith into a tight hug. Suddenly the tears fell uncontrollably down his face, like a spring bursting forth from rock.
Judith realized that her father's body was shaking faintly, but she couldn't say anything. She just closed her eyes and soaked in his warmth.
Hermes opened his mouth. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. He had been planning to wait until a more appropriate time first, but he had never found the opportunity. And on the way to Temza, he had planned out every word.
But the tears seemed to wash away all of his words. He couldn't remember a single one of the thousands of words that had crossed his mind, and in the end Hermes said nothing, only holding onto Judith.
He had reached his limit. A year's worth of fatigue had finally spilled over.
The arms that surrounded Judith began to lose their strength. Slowly Hermes collapsed against her.
His breathing evened out immediately, and he had said nothing at all.
"...aaand, okay. Whew." Judith let out an explosive breath as she finally let go.
She hadn't been able to sleep for some reason, so she'd been up late when her father unexpectedly returned home. And then, without saying a word, he had simply fallen asleep.
He showed no signs of waking up yet, so Judith had gathered some bedding materials on the floor near him -- since there was no way she'd be able to carry him to bed. Although Judith was now nine years old, she didn't have the strength to carry a full-grown man by herself.
She folded her arms in front of her and paused for a moment, thinking. When she finally lowered them, she seated herself next to her unconscious father.
It looked like he had shriveled away. His face barely had any hint of animation to it, like an old man's. It was as if he had aged rapidly in the last year.
He had changed completely. The only thing that was still the same was the bond he had with his daughter... No. Not even that was the same.
Judith stared hard at her father's closed eyelids. What kind of dream was he having now, she wondered.
All at once she was afraid that he would stop breathing. She leaned in closer involuntarily, checking to reassure herself of his shallow but regular breaths. Judith felt relief, but still she couldn't shake her strange anxiety. She listened a while longer before giving up.
She allowed the Great Circle to soothe her mind and body. Judith had joined the Circle so young that its hold on her emotions was sometimes unstable. But now Judith was able to think rationally.
What in the world had happened to drive her father to this point? No matter how many times she begged Ba'ul to tell her, he had stubbornly refused. She had even tried to ask Hermes herself, but he wouldn't give her anything more than vague replies.
Earlier, she had felt like he was going to say something to her. Something very important. What could it have been?
Her father's antennae caught her attention, draped limply over the makeshift bedding. It wasn't that he couldn't use his nageeg, he'd told her. Just that he wasn't part of the Great Circle. But he was able to do great things with his nageeg when it came to blastia research.
Which meant...
Judith suddenly had an idea. If they couldn't connect through the Great Circle, why not connect directly? She could become one mind with Ba'ul, after all. Why wouldn't she be able to do it with her father? But he was sleeping now, so would it work like this? Maybe she would be able to learn what he'd been thinking about before he fell asleep. Maybe she'd finally understand what was worrying him. Maybe he needed help.
It had only been brainstorming, but the idea of getting to peek at what was driving her father was dangerously tempting. The Great Circle raised their voice in reasonable opposition.
My dad is suffering; I need to do this.
Judith reached out, touching her father's antenna, and closed her eyes to concentrate.
She didn't know what she was doing. Even the eldest masters of nageeg in Temza considered the risks of seeing into another person's heart to be unbearable. There was no one in Temza who could do it. The closest they came were the vague, distant emotions shared in the Great Circle.
But Judith's nageeg had flourished from her exchanges with Ba'ul, and those conversations had trained her well, and now her ability with nageeg was greater than any of theirs. She was far beyond the minimum required to join the Great Circle. And partly due to her ignorance and partly to a uniquely childlike sense of justification, Judith had no doubts in using her power.
At first she couldn't see anything at all. Darkness, or a pale mist, but there was nothing at all to see beyond it. Judith paused for a moment before pulling herself together and centering her spirit, reaching out further.
Unlike with Ba'ul, the connection was not mutual. The boundary between the two of them was distinct. Judith had to force through that boundary to see into him from outside.
At length, she began to perceive an image. It was an unclear and obscured impression, and spread out but thin -- as if there were many layers overlapping to form the image. There was no end to the pain and bitterness that came with it. She couldn't stop looking at it, but she still couldn't make out the image.
Judith slowly noticed that the image was massive, something remarkably huge.
In this world where there was no distance or direction, she pressed "forward". Forward here meant something important, meant concentration.
This was it, what her father was thinking of before he went to sleep. Judith understood that intuitively.
Again she felt the "bitterness -- sorrow -- self-loathing" that was associated with the image, but there was something else there, too. A tremendous strength, unwavering, unfolding in front of her, produced from a great chasm she could just sense in the distance.
And unfolding within the chasm, layer upon layer, Judith could feel the inspiration behind his strength, and her spirit trembled.
It was "love -- family -- daughter". Those concepts were all nested within each other, intertwined and layered. Inside "daughter" was Judith. Inside "Judith" was daughter. That was the reality that lived inside the man she had thought she knew.
That was him. The truth that she had seen inside her father. All at once she felt embarrassed, and averted her gaze. After all of this, she had finally realized what she had never recognized before.
The image of "Judith" in his mind was massively important to him. And there was one other thing, like a shadow, close behind it. Related to the idea of "Judith", there was another idea bound to it.
What was that?
Judith's spirit stared into it, and then she saw.
"?!" Judith recoiled in a gasp, the flesh and blood body, and the heart and soul manifested.
In an instant, her mind rejected what it was already working to understand. But as much as it created a deep struggle in her heart, she couldn't stop what she had already realized.
She had seen a second Judith. But it wasn't simply some reflection. She saw it with crystal clarity, and she understood it perfectly.
It was the Judith who had joined the Great Circle; the Judith who was surrounded by a dreamy mist of comfort coming from outside herself, the Judith whose deepest core had been taken over by outside forces.
Grief. There was such intense grief. The pain that filled her wasn't her own, but Hermes's pain. It touched everything about her, like blood gushing from an open wound.
Emotion welled up and burst out of her, shaking her up inside. With her consciousness freed the shock didn't send her reeling, but she couldn't escape it, either.
Judith opened her eyes, in her real body once again. Her father was unchanged, sprawled on the bedding with his eyes closed, sleeping evenly. But Judith had stared into him, and she knew what he felt.
She was someone.
She got to her feet unsteadily, her body jerking like a marionette, and she took a step back.
She was someone not herself.
The blood pounded through her body fast, but Judith was paralyzed.
I'm not my father's daughter.
Judith screamed.
Even Hermes, as deeply asleep as he was, couldn't help but be startled back awake at the ear-piercing scream so close to him.
He looked around, exhaustion and confusion plain on his face, and when he realized that it was Judith who had screamed, he was only more confused. What had happened?
She was still screaming. She had run out of breath, but paused only to take a deep, trembling breath, before crying out again.
"Judith, what in the world--"
Hermes imagined what Judith must have seen. She was confused and angry -- disappointed, upset, afraid...
Emotional?!
Hermes reached out to her unthinkingly. But Judith recoiled away from him bodily as if his tough were repulsive. Her screaming stopped, and she stared at him brokenly, her eyes glittering with tears.
Hermes realized what had woken him up. He didn't know how it could have happened. But he knew why she had woken him up.
Judith knew. It was the worst thing he could imagine.
Hermes opened his mouth. But before he could manage anything, Judith ducked away from him and ran with all her might as if fleeing from monsters -- or unbearable hurt.
"Judith!!" Hermes cried out after her at the top of his lungs. He had to stop her -- he needed to talk to her, now. But his voice was hollow, without power.
In moments, Judith was out the door and disappeared into the night.
Hermes started to stand to chase after her, but his body betrayed him. He almost lost consciousness trying to lever himself out of the bedding with his arms, and clumsily fell back down, unable to move.
He could hear small footsteps from far away, but before long, he could hear nothing at all.
When he woke up again, the sun was already high in the sky.
Hermes jumped up and tore through the house looking for Judith. He knew that no one was there but himself, but he had to check before heading outside.
"Judith!!" he shouted futilely, but there was no response except for echoes.
Ironically, having slept for so much longer than usual, Hermes was refreshed enough to go through the neighborhood, banging on every door. Most of the houses were empty, with the occupants out doing their farmwork. Occasionally a resident would answer the door, and he barked at them, "My daughter-- Have you seen Judith?!"
They all responded to his agitation after a stunned moment with sympathy, by shaking their heads calmly in denial. Before they could ask anything of him in return, Hermes was already heading on to the next house.
He crossed the bridge and went to the next district, and then to the next district, asking everyone he could find, but by then he had used up all of his strength. But then, finally, some of his composure returned.
He wasn't going to find Judith by recklessly wandering around looking. He should check places that he thought she would go to. But even Hermes had noticed that his daughter didn't have many friends. Where did Judith even go on a regular basis? Who was she with?
He had been so preoccupied with his research that he had barely realized, Hermes thought, miserable. But he mustered the will to shake off his depression. This wasn't the time or place for that.
Only one idea came to him. Hermes looked up at the mountains surrounding him.
Balbusa.
Ba'ul lifted his head in welcome as Hermes stepped into the mouth of the cave. He was floating slightly above the ground and he drifted slowly in Hermes's direction like a feather on the breeze.
"Hey. I know this is sudden, but...... Did Judith come here?"
Ba'ul made a confused noise.
"Ahh, you don't understand human speech, I suppose." Hermes reached out and touched both hands to Ba'ul's head, and repeated with his mind. Judith. A confrontation. She left.
Hermes had not had many repeated communications with Ba'ul, unlike Judith, and even with the direct contact he had difficulty getting clear impressions from him. But he could still make out what he needed to know.
Judith isn't here.
"I see... Thank you."
He drew his hands back, but before they lost contact he heard Ba'ul again.
You're upset. Why?
For a heartbeat, Hermes didn't know what he should say. He opened his mouth, and then stared at Ba'ul. Ba'ul just watched him, waiting patiently for his answer.
A wry smile settled onto Hermes's face. He had finally realized what it was that he had seen in Ba'ul's eyes all that time ago -- the deep empathy and compassion he possessed. It was too late, but he pulled his hand away from Ba'ul. It wasn't as if Ba'ul was reading his mind. But even so, he felt like he could read Ba'ul's emotions. His smile disappeared.
Hermes took a step forward, and set his hand on Ba'ul's forehead. "You can hear me, right?"
Ba'ul made a noise. Hermes could tell that it was affirmation.
"......I've ruined everything. My research, my relationship with my daughter... and I thought both were going so well. Ever since that day last year, it feels like everything changed. After the Entelexeia called me."
His body trembled a little with the fear that memory still brought up in him. He could feel that Ba'ul shivered as well.
"This world is full of mysteries. And by trying to solve those mysteries, I only created more of them," Hermes continued in a murmur. "At least the Entelexeia answered one of those puzzles for me. Not that I was happy about it. To think that mankind's actions could put the whole world into a crisis -- to think that my research may have put it over the edge -- was like a horrible joke. And then I couldn't fix it. And now because of me they'll reduce everything to rubble."
He leaned more heavily on Ba'ul's forehead. A faint, self-deriding laugh passed his lips, or maybe it was a sob.
"I kept it secret from Judith, Ba'ul. I shouldn't have done it. I kept missing chances to tell her, postponing it, telling myself, soon, soon! And then I must have just blurted it out like an idiot without thinking. She was so hurt."
Ba'ul asked gently, why didn't you tell her?
He was silent for a moment. "......I think I was afraid. I didn't know what she'd say. Even I didn't know what to say. And so I lost my chance. I'm a coward. I should've told her right away."
It's hard for you. But that's not all that's bothering you.
Hermes stared at Ba'ul.
"You really are amazing, Ba'ul. You're right. I want to look for Judith. I want to look for her and talk to her. That's the truth. But even now I've been letting my research torment me. What kind of father am I?"
Hermes used both hands to grip Ba'ul's head tightly, and then let go of him again. He was crying.
"I wanted to free the Kritya!" His shout echoed in the cave. "We turned our back on the world, penned ourselves up in our secluded town. I wanted to bring us back into the tide of history. The Kritya and the Empire have been standing still, and I wanted to end it and let us move forward again. I wanted to find all the secrets of the world."
Hermes took a breath and let out a deep, deep sigh, releasing all of his passion with the air. Suddenly he felt very small. He brushed off his shoulder.
"But one way or another, it seems like it was my fate to lose everything."
Hermes returned his attention to Ba'ul. After getting carried away and speaking from the heart like that, there was nothing left in him but sadness.
"I'm going to go back to Temza and look for her one more time. I don't think we have a lot of time left, if I can, I want to be able to speak to her face-to-face. I imagine this is my punishment, but Judith hasn't done anything to deserve this."
Hermes gently stroked Ba'ul's head. "I have to ask you for a selfish favor. If she comes here to see you, please -- protect her. And I want you to let her know that there wasn't a single second that I didn't love her."
"Goodbye. I wish we'd had more time to talk together."
Without waiting for a response, Hermes stepped away and turned his back on the cave, heading out into the open air.
Ba'ul did not follow him. He only saw him off, and lifted his voice in a plaintive cry.
But Ba'ul's feelings were mixed. If Hermes had the same bond with him that Judith did, he would probably have noticed the secret that he'd been hiding.
Is this really okay?
Ba'ul shifted around to send an anxious look behind him at the looming rock. A small figure trembled in its shadow.
Judith?
She was crouched down low on the ground, both hands pressed against her head as if to hold it together, struggling in response to something. Between her arms, her face was white and bloodless in the moonlight.
PART 2: THE GREAT CIRCLE
Chapter 4
Hermes had changed. He had always been somewhat high-strung, but lately his sensitivity had become excessive. He could get upset over even the smallest things, and he could no longer cover up his irritation.
He was a moody recluse, avoiding the neighbors more and more -- even though he had already been avoiding them as best he could.
He began to leave Temza frequently. He holed himself away in the Fortress, returning to his home atop the mountains only every once in a while. He didn't go so far as Aspio, but considering the amount of time he spent away from Temza, it would hardly have made a difference.
The people of Temza patiently indulged him as he went through this difficult time. The tolerance of the Great Circle even extended to this behavior. And Hermes was only made more agitated by their generosity.
Although under the influence of the Great Circle herself, the bond between father and daughter was too strong for her to exhibit the same polite, dull sympathy that the others gave him. Hermes didn't treat her badly, but seeing how much he had changed upset her.
Judith went to see Ba'ul, and she asked him, "Did something happen? Why is Dad like this now?"
He had carried her father on that night, so she assumed he would know. But Ba'ul only let out a low, sad sound.
"You know, don't you?"
He knew. But he couldn't answer her.
"Why not?"
He'd been forbidden.
"By Dad? Hey, who was it?"
By terrifying people. Truly terrifying people.
"And what they want is more important to you than what I want? But we're friends!"
Please don't blame him, Ba'ul told her. He wasn't capable of defying them.
"What does that mean? That's so unfair. I don't understand."
Honestly, he wasn't sure that he understood what they had discussed either, he indicated. But that didn't convince Judith.
"My dad is suffering. Why? Please, I just want to help him somehow."
Her emotions were in turmoil, and the Great Circle coaxed her back into calm. But it just meant that every day she repeated the same cycle of anxiety, and Judith could never be at peace. Her feelings ran deep, even if she couldn't feel them as intensely. Hermes was Judith's one and only family, irreplaceable, and she couldn't just stop worrying about him.
One night, Hermes came back to the house in a strange mood. Judith poured all her heart and soul into getting a meal ready for him. He ate it, sighed, and said one thing: This is delicious.
That was all Judith needed to be happy.
But much later in the evening, she heard his voice coming from his room, almost shouting.
"I can't do it. There's -- not enough time!"
It didn't even sound like Hermes to Judith where she lay in her bed, plugging her ears. It was a tortured, fearful voice, and it was hard to listen to her father sounding that way. And soon enough his shouts gave way to sobs.
"It doesn't matter now...... Nobody, nobody can escape......"
In the morning when Judith woke up, Hermes had already left.
More than six months passed.
Hermes was impatient. He had spent all that time trying to think of what to do.
The people of Temza and the engineers in the Fortress had become accustomed to his haggard, stressed face. The burdens that he was forced to cope with were intensely weighty issues. But no one else knew what was on his mind.
The Entelexeia had told him many things, but afterward they had forbidden him to tell anyone else. They had claimed that if others even knew of their existence, strong humans would be compelled by jealousy or fear to turn against them.
Not that Hermes wanted to tell anyone about it. He didn't even think they would believe him. He wouldn't have, if proof of the Entelexeia hadn't been right in front of his eyes. The Entelexeia had told him about all the problems with the product of his research, and sought his cooperation in correcting the situation.
Hermes thought about his research day and night. The syntax of the operation, the construction, the blastia diagram, until he was even seeing them in his dreams. He dreamed that he argued with one of his technicians about it, and woke up while they were still shouting at each other.
Their progress was unsatisfying, and he tried to find other ways around it.
The idea came to him unexpectedly, while he was at home getting a change of clothes. He wanted to try it out immediately, and inside his study -- which had always been a junkyard -- he managed to find a small blastia that would work. It wasn't one that he had worked on himself, but it shouldn't hinder the experiment.
He took the blastia outside the house and set it on the ground a short distance away. He lifted the other blastia and began to chant.
Then a shining design appeared in the air around him. At a glance, it could be mistaken for an elaborate artwork, delicate symbols and signs woven in a three-dimensional operation. In an instant, it was drawn with Hermes in the center, complete and glowing remarkably bright -- activated.
Above the blastia he left on the ground, the air distorted. A deep black sphere or a hole appeared in the distortion, charged with crackling light. A forcefield sprang up around it, and the blastia began trembling violently.
"Dad?!"
Judith had stepped out of the house, hearing the noise. She was between Hermes and the forcefield.
"It's dangerous! Get down!!" Hermes shouted, already in motion. He leaped forward and grabbed Judith tightly, hauling her back with all his might. In the same instant, the black forcefield burst and the blastia exploded.
The explosion wasn't too bad, and instead of sending them flying, Hermes fell onto his back, holding tight to Judith. He couldn't hold back a groan as he struck the ground.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?!" He forced himself up, checking on Judith's condition.
"Y-- yeah, Dad, I'm all right...... What was that?"
Hermes got to his feet, glancing at the blastia. He studied the results of the experiment before answering her.
"A dark-element magic arte. By using it directly on the blastia's core, I thought I would be able to get it to disintegrate. But the operation still seems imperfect. It wasn't supposed to go like that."
"You mean... destroy the blastia? On purpose? But don't you build blastia?" Judith asked, surprised.
Hermes gave her a strained smile. "That's true. Even now -- that's true. But, But there's a possibility that the blastia I make could go out of control. It's just that there's no time left. I have to prepare on the assumption that we won't make it. It's frustrating, though."
For a moment he paused, struggling to put it into words.
"And that's why I think I should go to Aspio. There must be materials there that can provide me with clues. Judith, I'll try my best to come back as soon as I can, I'm so sorry......"
"It's okay."
Hermes was completely astonished by her quick, casual reply.
"You'll do your research and then when you're done, you won't have to go anywhere anymore for a while, right? So I'll be patient."
If he had to destroy things he cared about, then she knew it must be something very important. Judith assumed that in a childlike way. And it made her happy. Her father had apologized to her for wanting to go to Aspio. Just like in the old days.
It was okay. Her father was still himself. He was still her beloved father.
Judith smiled at him, a bright smile that would light up a room. Hermes placed a hand on her head.
"Thank you, Judith," Hermes said slowly, as if reflecting on each word. "Thank you."
He had gotten so single-mindedly caught up in his daily struggles that he had forgotten, but Judith had brought it all back to him.
Why had he burdened himself with this heavy responsibility in the first place? Why was he fighting this fight? Reminding himself of the answers filled him with vitality once again.
The same afternoon, Hermes held on to those wishes tightly as he left on his trip.
Time was cruel. And no matter how much a person might wish otherwise, it could not be rewound.
"Battalion, ready fire!" barked the commanding officer.
There were six knights in the main deployment guarding the Fortress, and they simultaneously started up the device. The battalion was preparing a blastia called a hoplon blastia, a powerful artillery weapon.
But as opposed to an ordinary hoplon blastia, which was so large-scale that it had to be installed in a permanent position, this one was on the smaller side and was capable of being made mobile. Hermes had created it.
On the horizon in front of the Fortress, some commotion was stirring up a cloud of dust. It was gradually approaching the Fortress. It looked slow because of how far away it was, so it must have been huge up close.
The knights knew that they were dealing with an emergency, an unusually large swarm of monsters. This wasn't the first time they'd had to do this recently.
Each time it happened, the monsters came straight for the Fortress. The swarm was almost seemed to be well-organized and in formations. The behavior was mysterious.
Similar phenomena had been reported throughout the Empire. The towns there were safe thanks to the barrier blastia, but the highways connecting them weren't so lucky, despite the efforts of the knights and the mercenaries to protect them. Commerce was beginning to be affected.
But here at the Fortress, the knights were unwavering. There were those who were shaken when the monsters first appeared, but now they had faith in their new-model hoplon blastia.
"Fireee!"
The six gunports simultaneously lit up and blasted gleaming death over the landscape. Arching like horizontal lightning, they shot out at the horizon with a thunderous roar. The bullets of light pierced the cloud of dust and burrowed into the earth's surface, creating an explosion that swallowed up dozens of the monsters.
One by one the explosions echoed through the mountain region like distant thunder.
The hoplon blastia didn't let up, continuing to drill holes into the earth's surface through the swarm. One by one the monsters were picked off before they could even get close enough to distinguish with the naked eye. At length, the few surviving monsters changed direction, scattering as they escaped.
The knights and the Fortress technicians let out a victory cry.
From up on the lookout, Hermes watched the retreat, savoring the ironic satisfaction. The power of this first stable prototype was nothing to criticize now that it was complete. It had improved significantly from the first models that had been produced and exported.
He hadn't originally been interested in manufacturing weapons. Although he had his sponsor's unconditional support, Hermes wanted blastia to be more useful to everyone. And like a true researcher, he put all his effort into his subject of the moment, and the results of that effort had borne incredible fruit.
But now-- Hermes's brow furrowed in thought. The problem at the heart of it all still remained. Humans weren't the only ones whose interests needed to be looked after. So in that sense, even with its demonstrated ability, the hoplon blastia was far from perfect.
How would this flashy fireworks show look to them? His heart sank.
"Marvelous. Truly marvelous!"
The commanding officer exited the Fortress behind him, applauding enthusiastically. He was a plump, self-confident man, and Hermes did not especially like him.
"No matter how many times I see it, it never fails to impress me! Being able to take down that many monsters without sweating a drop... Well! We'll all live long, happy lives at this rate."
Obviously he hadn't given a thought to all the sweat that the technicians had shed in their workshops to make his blastia. Hermes smiled vaguely and saluted the man in return.
"Your inventions will surely change the world! I can assure you of that, you have my word on it," the commander added cheerfully, with no idea how true his words were. He turned to head back into the building.
Who had he gone to all this trouble for? Why had he poured his heart into this? The smoke from the explosions had still not died down on the horizon, and Hermes turned over the man's words in his mind over and over again.
The people of Temza were almost completely unaware of any attacking monsters.
What had begun at the foot of the mountains had ended at the foot of the mountains. Sometimes they heard the strange sounds of the hoplon blastia's bombardment echoing up to them through valleys and over mountain peaks. But at those times they would paused at their work in the field, straining their ears to hear more, and then pay it no further attention.
Occasionally people saw the faraway earth through gaps in the sea of cloud, but they didn't see anything surprising, and it didn't come up in conversation. In general, they weren't interested in things that happened outside their town.
Mt. Temza was tall, and the foot of the mountain far away. Monsters were almost never seen in Temza.
For them, today passed by peacefully.
Probably thanks to the Great Circle.
There was no moon out that night. But a visitor came to the Fortress.
Duke Pantarei. Once a knight and a noble of the Empire, and even now there were still many who remembered his name. The knights guarding the Fortress were no exception, and his abrupt visit caught them by surprise.
The Fortress was one of the most important secrets of the knights, to begin with. It was a mystery how he could have found out about it, but the knights couldn't help feeling like driving him away or stopping him would be difficult.
"I would like to meet with the facility supervisor, Sir Hermes."
Those quiet words were all that Duke had to say to have a messenger immediately sent to Hermes.
"...so it was you," Hermes said when he saw Duke.
One year ago, this was the man who had arrived in Temza without warning and taken Hermes to the Entelexeia. He hadn't had the faintest idea that this man was known in the Empire. But Hermes could guess what business he was on today, and he stood stiffly.
The air between them was not that of two acquaintances getting caught up. You could say it was more like a man meeting his executioner.
"You are out of time," Duke informed him, without any trace of mixed feelings.
Even having expected it, Hermes felt his vision go dark with shock. It was like the earth was shaking beneath his feet.
"No-- I need a little more, just a little more time."
"You were promised a full turn of the seasons. They consider the time they have given you more than sufficient. They will not delay any further."
Hermes found himself at a loss for words. But even if he could think of them, he didn't know if there was anything he would be able to say that would improve the situation.
This was Hermes's burden. One year ago, the Entelexeia had told him that his research was hastening a crisis upon the whole world. And they had not intended to sit back and allow that.
They weren't human, and they didn't care what they had to do to stop it. But first they had wanted to ask Hermes what he was doing. Hermes had answered their questions, and begged them to put it off.
At first they had been reluctant to give Hermes his year, but then, surprisingly, Duke had seconded the idea. Hermes didn't understand what the relationship was between Duke and the Entelexeia, but from what Hermes had seen, he seemed to support humans -- in contrast to now that the time had come to face the facts. A time that Hermes had known was coming.
Hermes hung his head. "I... I've lost, haven't I?"
"I could not say. Soon they will begin to take action. But their targets will only be places where the new-model blastia have been put into use. As you know, there are those who wish to take further action, but their wishes have been overruled. It is unlikely that you will be able to avoid victims, but civilization will likely continue," Duke explained, his gaze on Hermes unwavering. "I, too, did not wish for it to come to this. It is regrettable."
His voice didn't carry any emotion as he spoke, but Hermes believed him completely. Even Duke did not seem to have interest in challenging the Entelexeia's decision. Having spoken to the Entelexeia himself, Hermes could not criticize their choice either.
"You did as much as you could. If not for your intervention, they would probably have killed me before I knew anything at all. Dying without ever knowing would be unbearable. I must thank you for that."
Duke's expression didn't change noticeably. "They will not only be targeting your facility. Humanity as a whole bears the blame, in their opinion. If you cease to make blastia, they will probably not bother you."
Hermes felt intense relief at those words, but it was followed immediately by anger.
Hermes was not a knight. He didn't know any sword artes. He was just an ordinary researcher. But at least he was consistently honest. He took pride in the way that he lived, and he wasn't going to abandon it.
Whatever had started this -- maybe it was inevitable -- he had chosen this path, and he could never bring himself to just escape from the consequences. Never.
He was the man who had rejected the Great Circle.
He was half-starved and exhausted, worn to the bone, but Hermes's spirit was bright in his eyes as he met Duke's gaze squarely.
"If the time the Entelexeia gave me has run out, I have every intention of of doing my best until the very end. That's all that I can do."
Duke nodded, silent. As usual, there was no sense of friendship between them, just a chill and a strain in the air. But Hermes thought that he saw respect in Duke's eyes.
"At the very least, you fought to create a better world. I will not forget." And then there was nothing left to say, and the handsome man in black bowed and took his leave.
A lone figure climbed the road leading from the Fortress up to Temza. Sometimes stray monsters wandered into the path, so it wasn't safe to travel at night. But safety was not as important as immediacy in Hermes's opinion. He had also refused an escort from the knights.
Although Duke's news from earlier had been definitive, there might still be something he could do. Naturally, he didn't think Duke had lied to him. Even if he had a flash of divine inspiration this very instant, there probably wasn't enough time to make it work. But as he'd said, he planned to do everything he could until the very end.
But now he was taking action for another reason entirely. Not as Hermes the researcher, but as a single Krityan man, a father who had left things undone and wanted to correct that.
What he was thinking of now was something he didn't want to do. But he still had to.
Monsters were demonstrating strange behavior all over the world lately, attacking people. Duke said that it would be soon, but the consequences they wanted to prevent had already begun.
He had been informed that the knights would be sending reinforcements to the Fortress. Although it was a sign of how valuable Hermes's patron considered him and his research, Hermes's feelings on the matter were mixed. Even if he could explain to his sponsor that the Entelexeia's actions were morally correct, the potential for pointless loss of life -- human life -- would mean that his sponsor would have to act anyway.
Hermes stepped up his pace. He didn't have much physical strength, given the declining state of his health, and the trip was difficult for him. When he finally struggled into Temza, he had exceeded his limits. His body and his heart felt like an old rag, but Hermes kept moving toward his house.
It was late at night, but Judith was still awake. She was waiting for him.
"Welcome home!"
When Hermes heard her voice, the tension drained out of him.
"Dad...?"
Hermes ducked down and crushed Judith into a tight hug. Suddenly the tears fell uncontrollably down his face, like a spring bursting forth from rock.
Judith realized that her father's body was shaking faintly, but she couldn't say anything. She just closed her eyes and soaked in his warmth.
Hermes opened his mouth. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. He had been planning to wait until a more appropriate time first, but he had never found the opportunity. And on the way to Temza, he had planned out every word.
But the tears seemed to wash away all of his words. He couldn't remember a single one of the thousands of words that had crossed his mind, and in the end Hermes said nothing, only holding onto Judith.
He had reached his limit. A year's worth of fatigue had finally spilled over.
The arms that surrounded Judith began to lose their strength. Slowly Hermes collapsed against her.
His breathing evened out immediately, and he had said nothing at all.
"...aaand, okay. Whew." Judith let out an explosive breath as she finally let go.
She hadn't been able to sleep for some reason, so she'd been up late when her father unexpectedly returned home. And then, without saying a word, he had simply fallen asleep.
He showed no signs of waking up yet, so Judith had gathered some bedding materials on the floor near him -- since there was no way she'd be able to carry him to bed. Although Judith was now nine years old, she didn't have the strength to carry a full-grown man by herself.
She folded her arms in front of her and paused for a moment, thinking. When she finally lowered them, she seated herself next to her unconscious father.
It looked like he had shriveled away. His face barely had any hint of animation to it, like an old man's. It was as if he had aged rapidly in the last year.
He had changed completely. The only thing that was still the same was the bond he had with his daughter... No. Not even that was the same.
Judith stared hard at her father's closed eyelids. What kind of dream was he having now, she wondered.
All at once she was afraid that he would stop breathing. She leaned in closer involuntarily, checking to reassure herself of his shallow but regular breaths. Judith felt relief, but still she couldn't shake her strange anxiety. She listened a while longer before giving up.
She allowed the Great Circle to soothe her mind and body. Judith had joined the Circle so young that its hold on her emotions was sometimes unstable. But now Judith was able to think rationally.
What in the world had happened to drive her father to this point? No matter how many times she begged Ba'ul to tell her, he had stubbornly refused. She had even tried to ask Hermes herself, but he wouldn't give her anything more than vague replies.
Earlier, she had felt like he was going to say something to her. Something very important. What could it have been?
Her father's antennae caught her attention, draped limply over the makeshift bedding. It wasn't that he couldn't use his nageeg, he'd told her. Just that he wasn't part of the Great Circle. But he was able to do great things with his nageeg when it came to blastia research.
Which meant...
Judith suddenly had an idea. If they couldn't connect through the Great Circle, why not connect directly? She could become one mind with Ba'ul, after all. Why wouldn't she be able to do it with her father? But he was sleeping now, so would it work like this? Maybe she would be able to learn what he'd been thinking about before he fell asleep. Maybe she'd finally understand what was worrying him. Maybe he needed help.
It had only been brainstorming, but the idea of getting to peek at what was driving her father was dangerously tempting. The Great Circle raised their voice in reasonable opposition.
My dad is suffering; I need to do this.
Judith reached out, touching her father's antenna, and closed her eyes to concentrate.
She didn't know what she was doing. Even the eldest masters of nageeg in Temza considered the risks of seeing into another person's heart to be unbearable. There was no one in Temza who could do it. The closest they came were the vague, distant emotions shared in the Great Circle.
But Judith's nageeg had flourished from her exchanges with Ba'ul, and those conversations had trained her well, and now her ability with nageeg was greater than any of theirs. She was far beyond the minimum required to join the Great Circle. And partly due to her ignorance and partly to a uniquely childlike sense of justification, Judith had no doubts in using her power.
At first she couldn't see anything at all. Darkness, or a pale mist, but there was nothing at all to see beyond it. Judith paused for a moment before pulling herself together and centering her spirit, reaching out further.
Unlike with Ba'ul, the connection was not mutual. The boundary between the two of them was distinct. Judith had to force through that boundary to see into him from outside.
At length, she began to perceive an image. It was an unclear and obscured impression, and spread out but thin -- as if there were many layers overlapping to form the image. There was no end to the pain and bitterness that came with it. She couldn't stop looking at it, but she still couldn't make out the image.
Judith slowly noticed that the image was massive, something remarkably huge.
In this world where there was no distance or direction, she pressed "forward". Forward here meant something important, meant concentration.
This was it, what her father was thinking of before he went to sleep. Judith understood that intuitively.
Again she felt the "bitterness -- sorrow -- self-loathing" that was associated with the image, but there was something else there, too. A tremendous strength, unwavering, unfolding in front of her, produced from a great chasm she could just sense in the distance.
And unfolding within the chasm, layer upon layer, Judith could feel the inspiration behind his strength, and her spirit trembled.
It was "love -- family -- daughter". Those concepts were all nested within each other, intertwined and layered. Inside "daughter" was Judith. Inside "Judith" was daughter. That was the reality that lived inside the man she had thought she knew.
That was him. The truth that she had seen inside her father. All at once she felt embarrassed, and averted her gaze. After all of this, she had finally realized what she had never recognized before.
The image of "Judith" in his mind was massively important to him. And there was one other thing, like a shadow, close behind it. Related to the idea of "Judith", there was another idea bound to it.
What was that?
Judith's spirit stared into it, and then she saw.
"?!" Judith recoiled in a gasp, the flesh and blood body, and the heart and soul manifested.
In an instant, her mind rejected what it was already working to understand. But as much as it created a deep struggle in her heart, she couldn't stop what she had already realized.
She had seen a second Judith. But it wasn't simply some reflection. She saw it with crystal clarity, and she understood it perfectly.
It was the Judith who had joined the Great Circle; the Judith who was surrounded by a dreamy mist of comfort coming from outside herself, the Judith whose deepest core had been taken over by outside forces.
Grief. There was such intense grief. The pain that filled her wasn't her own, but Hermes's pain. It touched everything about her, like blood gushing from an open wound.
Emotion welled up and burst out of her, shaking her up inside. With her consciousness freed the shock didn't send her reeling, but she couldn't escape it, either.
Judith opened her eyes, in her real body once again. Her father was unchanged, sprawled on the bedding with his eyes closed, sleeping evenly. But Judith had stared into him, and she knew what he felt.
She was someone.
She got to her feet unsteadily, her body jerking like a marionette, and she took a step back.
She was someone not herself.
The blood pounded through her body fast, but Judith was paralyzed.
I'm not my father's daughter.
Judith screamed.
Even Hermes, as deeply asleep as he was, couldn't help but be startled back awake at the ear-piercing scream so close to him.
He looked around, exhaustion and confusion plain on his face, and when he realized that it was Judith who had screamed, he was only more confused. What had happened?
She was still screaming. She had run out of breath, but paused only to take a deep, trembling breath, before crying out again.
"Judith, what in the world--"
Hermes imagined what Judith must have seen. She was confused and angry -- disappointed, upset, afraid...
Emotional?!
Hermes reached out to her unthinkingly. But Judith recoiled away from him bodily as if his tough were repulsive. Her screaming stopped, and she stared at him brokenly, her eyes glittering with tears.
Hermes realized what had woken him up. He didn't know how it could have happened. But he knew why she had woken him up.
Judith knew. It was the worst thing he could imagine.
Hermes opened his mouth. But before he could manage anything, Judith ducked away from him and ran with all her might as if fleeing from monsters -- or unbearable hurt.
"Judith!!" Hermes cried out after her at the top of his lungs. He had to stop her -- he needed to talk to her, now. But his voice was hollow, without power.
In moments, Judith was out the door and disappeared into the night.
Hermes started to stand to chase after her, but his body betrayed him. He almost lost consciousness trying to lever himself out of the bedding with his arms, and clumsily fell back down, unable to move.
He could hear small footsteps from far away, but before long, he could hear nothing at all.
When he woke up again, the sun was already high in the sky.
Hermes jumped up and tore through the house looking for Judith. He knew that no one was there but himself, but he had to check before heading outside.
"Judith!!" he shouted futilely, but there was no response except for echoes.
Ironically, having slept for so much longer than usual, Hermes was refreshed enough to go through the neighborhood, banging on every door. Most of the houses were empty, with the occupants out doing their farmwork. Occasionally a resident would answer the door, and he barked at them, "My daughter-- Have you seen Judith?!"
They all responded to his agitation after a stunned moment with sympathy, by shaking their heads calmly in denial. Before they could ask anything of him in return, Hermes was already heading on to the next house.
He crossed the bridge and went to the next district, and then to the next district, asking everyone he could find, but by then he had used up all of his strength. But then, finally, some of his composure returned.
He wasn't going to find Judith by recklessly wandering around looking. He should check places that he thought she would go to. But even Hermes had noticed that his daughter didn't have many friends. Where did Judith even go on a regular basis? Who was she with?
He had been so preoccupied with his research that he had barely realized, Hermes thought, miserable. But he mustered the will to shake off his depression. This wasn't the time or place for that.
Only one idea came to him. Hermes looked up at the mountains surrounding him.
Balbusa.
Ba'ul lifted his head in welcome as Hermes stepped into the mouth of the cave. He was floating slightly above the ground and he drifted slowly in Hermes's direction like a feather on the breeze.
"Hey. I know this is sudden, but...... Did Judith come here?"
Ba'ul made a confused noise.
"Ahh, you don't understand human speech, I suppose." Hermes reached out and touched both hands to Ba'ul's head, and repeated with his mind. Judith. A confrontation. She left.
Hermes had not had many repeated communications with Ba'ul, unlike Judith, and even with the direct contact he had difficulty getting clear impressions from him. But he could still make out what he needed to know.
Judith isn't here.
"I see... Thank you."
He drew his hands back, but before they lost contact he heard Ba'ul again.
You're upset. Why?
For a heartbeat, Hermes didn't know what he should say. He opened his mouth, and then stared at Ba'ul. Ba'ul just watched him, waiting patiently for his answer.
A wry smile settled onto Hermes's face. He had finally realized what it was that he had seen in Ba'ul's eyes all that time ago -- the deep empathy and compassion he possessed. It was too late, but he pulled his hand away from Ba'ul. It wasn't as if Ba'ul was reading his mind. But even so, he felt like he could read Ba'ul's emotions. His smile disappeared.
Hermes took a step forward, and set his hand on Ba'ul's forehead. "You can hear me, right?"
Ba'ul made a noise. Hermes could tell that it was affirmation.
"......I've ruined everything. My research, my relationship with my daughter... and I thought both were going so well. Ever since that day last year, it feels like everything changed. After the Entelexeia called me."
His body trembled a little with the fear that memory still brought up in him. He could feel that Ba'ul shivered as well.
"This world is full of mysteries. And by trying to solve those mysteries, I only created more of them," Hermes continued in a murmur. "At least the Entelexeia answered one of those puzzles for me. Not that I was happy about it. To think that mankind's actions could put the whole world into a crisis -- to think that my research may have put it over the edge -- was like a horrible joke. And then I couldn't fix it. And now because of me they'll reduce everything to rubble."
He leaned more heavily on Ba'ul's forehead. A faint, self-deriding laugh passed his lips, or maybe it was a sob.
"I kept it secret from Judith, Ba'ul. I shouldn't have done it. I kept missing chances to tell her, postponing it, telling myself, soon, soon! And then I must have just blurted it out like an idiot without thinking. She was so hurt."
Ba'ul asked gently, why didn't you tell her?
He was silent for a moment. "......I think I was afraid. I didn't know what she'd say. Even I didn't know what to say. And so I lost my chance. I'm a coward. I should've told her right away."
It's hard for you. But that's not all that's bothering you.
Hermes stared at Ba'ul.
"You really are amazing, Ba'ul. You're right. I want to look for Judith. I want to look for her and talk to her. That's the truth. But even now I've been letting my research torment me. What kind of father am I?"
Hermes used both hands to grip Ba'ul's head tightly, and then let go of him again. He was crying.
"I wanted to free the Kritya!" His shout echoed in the cave. "We turned our back on the world, penned ourselves up in our secluded town. I wanted to bring us back into the tide of history. The Kritya and the Empire have been standing still, and I wanted to end it and let us move forward again. I wanted to find all the secrets of the world."
Hermes took a breath and let out a deep, deep sigh, releasing all of his passion with the air. Suddenly he felt very small. He brushed off his shoulder.
"But one way or another, it seems like it was my fate to lose everything."
Hermes returned his attention to Ba'ul. After getting carried away and speaking from the heart like that, there was nothing left in him but sadness.
"I'm going to go back to Temza and look for her one more time. I don't think we have a lot of time left, if I can, I want to be able to speak to her face-to-face. I imagine this is my punishment, but Judith hasn't done anything to deserve this."
Hermes gently stroked Ba'ul's head. "I have to ask you for a selfish favor. If she comes here to see you, please -- protect her. And I want you to let her know that there wasn't a single second that I didn't love her."
"Goodbye. I wish we'd had more time to talk together."
Without waiting for a response, Hermes stepped away and turned his back on the cave, heading out into the open air.
Ba'ul did not follow him. He only saw him off, and lifted his voice in a plaintive cry.
But Ba'ul's feelings were mixed. If Hermes had the same bond with him that Judith did, he would probably have noticed the secret that he'd been hiding.
Is this really okay?
Ba'ul shifted around to send an anxious look behind him at the looming rock. A small figure trembled in its shadow.
Judith?
She was crouched down low on the ground, both hands pressed against her head as if to hold it together, struggling in response to something. Between her arms, her face was white and bloodless in the moonlight.
((Editor's notes: This is the end of Part 2, The Great Circle. I will continue with the next chapter, in Part 3, Crushing Blow. I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out: it's half again longer than usual and I had lots of RL difficulties. I've been trying to release chapters every Sunday.))
((So, wow, all of the heartbreak in this chapter. Just... all of it. And the most heartbreaking part may be the misunderstanding that might be the last time they see each other, because he's thinking her reaction is because of the Entelexeia's revelation, and it's so very not.))
((Judith's realization, and Hermes's grief, is... heart-breaking. This chapter sucked. But, hey, tinily optimistic Duke tinily trying to defend humans and help out Hermes was cute! Right? /sob))
Changelog ;;
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All the ;A; for Judith and Hermes....
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First off, Baul is awesome. I love how empathetic he is and I can see why Hermes would trust him with his daughter's life as well as why Judith would love him so much.
Hermes might be becoming one of my more favorite Ves NPC (or even overall) characters, I like how he keeps going and wanting to do what's right, whether it's for the world, Krytian culture, or Judith, even when he is so broken inside. It's sad how much good he wanted for the world, his child, and his culture to be rescued from itself. But instead he endangered them all. It's a shame he couldn't live long enough to see Judith redeem him (I can't remember exactly, but Judith was trying to so that in the game right? I missed that SQ). At least it seems implied Krytians were starting to break out of their shell during Part 3, so the seeds for that dreams of his could have come true.
I don't have a good feeling about this. I bet this is the last Judith will ever see of him. X/ I wonder if she'll blame herself for running away from him just like Hermes is blaming himself for her running away?
Kind of odd to see Duke like this. "At the very least, you fought to create a better world. I will not forget." Well, apparently he will (looks at tarqaron), for a while anyway. Course things didn't exactly go as plan anyway as far as Duke was probably concerned, all things considered. Xp
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But this chapter just BREAKS ME and I meant to love on it a million years ago.
sjldfkjslfj Judith's vision of herself as her dad sees her is so incredibly painful and tragic, and the way she reacts to it is so natural and awful, and I still can't believe I'm reading these themes by a Japanese author, and goddamn the ending.
What will the Great Circle do NOW?/just, explodes from misery and beauty and awfulness
Judith your past hurts so much. I love learning about it and I'm so, so, so sorry.
Also, Duke is kind of awesome in this whole thing. But it's hard to access that when I'm just like
/cries and curls around everyone
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