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Fandom! And less antagonizing topics.
Classes are almost over. John wants to see Candidate for Goddess, which of course is a-okay with me, but I'm still kind of concerned about GetBackers. And it IS disturbingly like concern instead of enjoyment. I feel more driven than inspired -- like, of course I'm inspired, I wouldn't be able to write if my Muse didn't like the idea. But I feel like it's actually some sort of duty to write: as if I personally am responsible for bringing a large dose of heterosexuality to the fandom. I want to write the Threesome fics and stuff too, but... I feel like I need to write the Ban/Clayman fic, the MAKUBEX/Sakura fics, the Shido/Madoka fics.
Because I keep getting this sick, wretched feeling that if I don't, nobody will. The fandom will become overrun in time with silly drooling Omnislash fangirls, and all the wonderfully intelligent, thought-provoking, beautiful writers that are becoming the foundation layer of the fandom... Instead of being interested in a variety of things, instead of forming a wide, stable base, they all seem to be narrowing down that interest to "They're slashy! Look, Shido and Emishi are standing next to each other! MAKUBEX has a dolphin pendant, he's SO gay!" They all want to pair Ban and Ginji. I like that pairing -- but I won't for long if it's all that I see.
I don't feel comfortable putting my fics up on the LJ community. It's not only my conviction that I am not worthy, as a writer. It's also the fact that they don't seem even remotely interested in anything heterosexual -- which is what I'm writing, because nobody else is.
And every time I hesitantly attempt to say to these people -- people that I know are intelligent, who I know write beautiful and thought-provoking things, because I've seen them and admired them greatly when they write in other fandoms -- that I rather like the heterosexual side of things, I get comments like, "You mean Shido's straight? Oh yeah... ^_~ "
Even if it's just teasing, it makes me very angry and defensive. It makes me feel like the reminders of heterosexuality aren't welcome. Like the fandom, even at its most primitive budding foundation levels, is leaning towards Omnislash.
If the tower of Get Backers fandom is built off Omnislash from the very beginning, I hope it falls.
On a less angry note, I'm playing lots of Legend of Mana. (On my computer. Emulators RAWK!) I think it's healthy for me, because my Muse has been glowing with happiness whenever I play. Legend of Mana might not be a classic game like its predecessor -- it may not even be a coherent game, since it's made up primarily of dozens upon dozens of random elements thrown together haphazardly. But every single one of the elements is FUN and UNIQUE and, most importantly, inspirational. Lute gets all sorts of crazy ideas from Legend of Mana.
Ju-san finally had to make up the fifth character in her RPG. I'm disappointed in all of you. All six of you, who actually read this LJ. *siiiigh....*
Who am I kidding? My opinions don't matter.
Because I keep getting this sick, wretched feeling that if I don't, nobody will. The fandom will become overrun in time with silly drooling Omnislash fangirls, and all the wonderfully intelligent, thought-provoking, beautiful writers that are becoming the foundation layer of the fandom... Instead of being interested in a variety of things, instead of forming a wide, stable base, they all seem to be narrowing down that interest to "They're slashy! Look, Shido and Emishi are standing next to each other! MAKUBEX has a dolphin pendant, he's SO gay!" They all want to pair Ban and Ginji. I like that pairing -- but I won't for long if it's all that I see.
I don't feel comfortable putting my fics up on the LJ community. It's not only my conviction that I am not worthy, as a writer. It's also the fact that they don't seem even remotely interested in anything heterosexual -- which is what I'm writing, because nobody else is.
And every time I hesitantly attempt to say to these people -- people that I know are intelligent, who I know write beautiful and thought-provoking things, because I've seen them and admired them greatly when they write in other fandoms -- that I rather like the heterosexual side of things, I get comments like, "You mean Shido's straight? Oh yeah... ^_~ "
Even if it's just teasing, it makes me very angry and defensive. It makes me feel like the reminders of heterosexuality aren't welcome. Like the fandom, even at its most primitive budding foundation levels, is leaning towards Omnislash.
If the tower of Get Backers fandom is built off Omnislash from the very beginning, I hope it falls.
On a less angry note, I'm playing lots of Legend of Mana. (On my computer. Emulators RAWK!) I think it's healthy for me, because my Muse has been glowing with happiness whenever I play. Legend of Mana might not be a classic game like its predecessor -- it may not even be a coherent game, since it's made up primarily of dozens upon dozens of random elements thrown together haphazardly. But every single one of the elements is FUN and UNIQUE and, most importantly, inspirational. Lute gets all sorts of crazy ideas from Legend of Mana.
Ju-san finally had to make up the fifth character in her RPG. I'm disappointed in all of you. All six of you, who actually read this LJ. *siiiigh....*
Who am I kidding? My opinions don't matter.
no subject
That doesn't seem so much defensive as it does bitter about the nature of fandom. Yet there are certain series that, by their very nature, draw core fans of the type you're complaining about.
That's exactly the reason you should post, to get it out there where people can appreciate it, and so that you're bringing that more well-rounded element to the fandom. Sure, the silly drooling fangirls will dismiss what seems to them to be token attempts to make "their boyz" hetero, but the quality of writing will be appreciated where it counts.
And, after all, it's not getbackers_yaoi.
no subject
It's more than just the particular Omnislash undercurrent that keeps me from being out there, though. It's a whole bunch of factors. Like the fact that 8 out of every 10 people on the community appear to know each other and talk to each other daily; even though I've spoken to a couple of them, one-on-one, maybe twice, it never took off... so it's hard to feel really included when it seems like I've been judged already. There's the Get Backers site that I made and am already starting to dislike because all the people who do things for GB have their own sites and don't want to contribute their fanfiction or fanart, so what am I even bothering with the fan-sections for... And the community now already has so many fanfics that were posted so quickly, and all of them seemed better than what I was writing. I'm feeling especially insecure lately. *sweatdrop*
I shall attempt to beat self-confidence into myself, but I'm almost positive that I don't have the personal wherewithal to make the first move and jump into the fandom with something not slashy. Even if I didn't feel like my writing was inferior all-around, I would feel like it'd get even less of a response if it was heterosexual to begin with.
And thus I spiral into a chain of depression, which is probably all the sense anyone will get out of me for the next few days, and I blame it all on hormones. ^_^;;; Ack, I was supposed to try and sound competent, but I wound up just sounding pathetic. I'm not usually this whiny, really... *gives up* Thank you anyway, for reading and helping me out. ^^ I know it just sounds like me sulking, but your commentary really is appreciated.