Tales of the Abyss liveplay! (inactive)

[sincere]

So I have only the PS3 and the 3DS and a very limited selection of games to play because everything else I own is in boxes, and my Backloggery tells me I never finished the 3DS Tales of the Abyss. Since I'm in a TOA mood, let's take that flimsy excuse and go for it!

By now I am trying to be kinder to your reading lists / my otherwise sad journal, so I will just be updating this one post with commentary as I play.

The original liveplays from two and a half years ago wow are here and here. So that you don't have to go back and read them, the first comment(s) will summarize the events so far in the form of a hopefully humorous abridged script that I started writing at some point for reasons I can't recall.


Currently: Heading for Kaitzur

Comments

Tales of the Abyss: The Abridged Version

[sincere]

BATICUL, CAPITAL OF KIMLASCA

LUKE: ...Boring.
GUY: Hey, Luke. Wanna mess around? I mean -- swordfight?
LUKE: Boring.
MAID: Master Luke, is there anything I can do for you? Anything at aaaaall?
LUKE: Boring.
DAD: Fon Master Ion has been kidnapped! There could be war!
LUKE: Boring.
BUTLER: Luke, your sword tutor is here.
LUKE: omg omg omg Master Van is here does my hair look okay?!
MOM: I wish he'd play at least a little hard-to-get.

VAN: So when I give the signal, we wring his scrawny little--
VAN: Oh, hello, Luke! Are you ready to practice?
LUKE: Boy am I!
TEAR: Too bad!
LUKE: Hey! No psycho is going to attack my master, even if he does apparently know her and not want me to fight her!
TEAR: Uh-oh -- a completely harmless but wacky hyperresonance!

[sincere]

A FIELD OF FLOWERS

LUKE: Where the hell are we now?
TEAR: Who knows? But let's join forces.
LUKE: ...you broke into my house... tried to kill my tutor...
TEAR: And? That was then, this is now.

A bossy musically-inclined assassin joins the party!

TEAR: Sorry about... all of that... by the way.
LUKE: Well, you should be!
TEAR: ...sorry.
LUKE: Well, it's not -- not that big a deal.
TEAR: Then stop your whining and get moving.
LUKE: ...
TEAR: Now that we're out of this pretty scenic valley, we need a ride to the capital.
COACH: I happen to have a coach, and I happen to be going to a capital...
LUKE: Sounds good. I'm sick of walking. Let's go.

JADE: Prepare the Tartarus for my ass-kicking entrance.
COACH: Holy crap the Malkuth army is chasing some bandits holy crap they blew up the Rotelro Bridge ahhh we're being steered off the roaaaad!
LUKE: Damn! That sure was ass-kicking.
TEAR: Uh, why is the Malkuth army in Kimlasca?
COACH: They're not!
TEAR: ...then by application of logic, which I occasionally use...
COACH: This is Malkuth, home to Emperor Peony the IX and also a bunch of other people with less pretty names.
LUKE: How could you make this mistake?
TEAR: I didn't recognize the area. What's your excuse?
LUKE: Well, since I was born and raised in Malkuth, I guess it is my fault-- Why the hell would I recognize Malkuth?!
COACH: Heeeey. Are you suuuure you're Malkuth citizens?
TEAR: Uh, yeah, totally.

COACH: I guess I'll let you off here and you can walk into the nearest town. ...which is a Malkuth town. By the way.
LUKE: Yeah yeah. Is Malkuth far from Kimlasca?
TEAR: Just start walking again.
LUKE: I'm starving.
TEAR: Let's have rice balls.
LUKE: What's with these... balls of rice?
TEAR: They're rice balls.
LUKE: I thought we were going to have food.
TEAR: This is going to be a long game.

[sincere]

ENGEVE

LUKE: Woohoo, a city!!
TEAR: Uh, try "dinky farming town."
LUKE: I'm gonna live it up now!
TEAR: ...whatever you say.

MERCHANT: Hey! You can't just eat my apples!
LUKE: Why not? Are they not eating apples?
TEAR: Luke, things cost money in the real world.
LUKE: Okay, my fragile mind is blown. Explain this to me, woman!
TEAR: Huh. All aristocrats must not know how to shop at stores. Okay then.

RANDOM PEOPLE: All of our food has been stolen! Again!
LUKE: Like people need food to survive, pfft.
RANDOM PEOPLE: ...I bet this jackass did it.
TEAR: I guess I'll let him get arrested, to teach him a lesson about being ignorant.

RANDOM PEOPLE: Rose! This guy is totally a food thief!
ROSE: Ahem! Important people are here?
JADE: Oh, I love observing morons get their comeuppance. Do go on.
LUKE: Who the hell are you?
JADE: Colonel Jade Curtiss. And you are?
LUKE: I'm Luke fon--
TEAR: I wouldn't say the Butcher of Hod's name to an officer of the Malkuth military if I were you.
JADE: Oh, it's all right. I have a copy of the script. I already know everything relevant about both of you. Like that you're not food thieves.
ION: Indeed! Cheagles are the thieves!
JADE: Oh, look, it's Fon Master Ion.
LUKE: ......Isn't he supposed to be kidnapped?

ANISE: Hey, have you seen the Fon Master? He seems to have wandered off during one of his fits of idealism.
LUKE: That sounds like the kid we met at the mayor's. Did he look helpless?
ANISE: That's him! ♥ Thanks, mysterious stranger!
LUKE: Hey, why isn't he kidnapped? --Damnit.

LUKE: Tomorrow we're going to go into the Cheagle Woods to prove I didn't steal anything.
TEAR: They already know that. That's stupid and also unnecessary.
LUKE: Shut up, I wasn't asking your opinion.
TEAR: Okay.
LUKE: ...really? That's okay?
TEAR: My priorities aren't the best.

[sincere]

CHEAGLE WOODS

LUKE: Hey, it's that Ion kid! He's in trouble!
ION: *obliterates everyone*
LUKE: ...I guess not.
ION: *collapses*
LUKE: ...or maybe he is.
ION: Ah, d. Don't worry about me. I just. Do that sometimes.
LUKE: I'm Luke.
TEAR: I'm Locrian Sergeant Tear Grants. I'm also from Daath.
ION: You're Van's younger sister! ♥
LUKE: ...wait, now your attempt to murder him has gone from random homicide to random fratricide? Don't you need to be on some sort of medication right about now?
TEAR: He's crazy, Fon Master. Please ignore him.
ION: Uh, he doesn't sound crazy.
LUKE: omg a cheagle! LET'S CATCH IT

TEAR: Cheagles are so... so cute.
LUKE: What? Did you say something out of character type?
TEAR: N, no.
ION: That's okay, Tear. You can admire the cheagles! I'm going to make Luke blush some more. It's so cute! ♥
LUKE: (\\\\)
ION: See?
TEAR: This won't interfere with my eventual love subplot at all.

CHEAGLE ELDER: Hey, human things.
LUKE: Holy crap, that monster can talk! Ion, protect me.
CHEAGLE ELDER: It's actually because of this ring Yulia gave us. It's full of all sorts of plot devices.
ION: Why did you steal food from Engeve?
CHEAGLE ELDER: Some imbecile burned down the ligers' forest, and the ligers are forcing us to bring them food now. Take care of that, will you?
ION: We'll need a translator.
CHEAGLE ELDER: Here, you can have the imbecile.

MIEU: I'm Mieu! :D
LUKE: In my role as the player's mouthpiece, allow me to say that I find cute animal sidekicks really annoying.
MIEU: I'm sorry! D:
LUKE: fdgd;aldkjfh
MIEU: I can breathe fire?? D:
LUKE: Now that is more like it.

[sincere]

ION: Mieu, please go talk to the giant enraged liger queen. Go ahead and walk right up to her. Ignore the fangs. They're probably for show.
LIGER QUEEN: *le roar*
MIEU: Uh, she says she's about to hatch her babies and then eat everyone in the village. Is that okay?
TEAR: Um, no.
LUKE: B, but... babies??
TEAR: Fortunately for them, she's invincible. Damnit.
JADE: Never fear. I'm forty levels better than any of you.
LIGER QUEEN: *dies. dies hard*

ION: Jade, I'm really sorry for running off straight into the den of a liger queen.
JADE: The doctors keep telling you that suicidal behavior is bad for your health, Fon Master.
LUKE: Hey, leave him alone!
JADE: ...I'll have to check the script, but I thought your love interest was the other one.
TEAR: So did I.
LUKE: Everyone shut up. Let's go take this stupid Thing home.
MIEU: Yay! Acknowledgment! :D
MIEU: Ow! Kick to the head! D:

A ridiculously overpowered military officer joins the party!

CHEAGLE ELDER: Oh, he's alive. Er... Why don't you take this imbecile with you. For... a whole year.
LUKE: What.
JADE: Sounds like fun. Let's be going. I have to place some illegal immigrants under arrest.
LUKE: Really?
JADE: Oh yes. It seems that they emitted a huge amount of Seventh Fonons and simply teleported from the capital of Kimlasca into Malkuth territory.
LUKE: What idiots!
JADE: You're under arrest.
TEAR: *sigh*

[sincere]

THE TARTARUS

JADE: Since Luke here is the unfortunately-disabled son of a prominent Kimlascan noble house, perhaps he can help us.
LUKE: Will it involve a lot of thinking?
JADE: I believe I can spare you that burden.
ANISE: Did someone say rich yet stupid heir? I'm just wondering! ♥
JADE: We're traveling to Kimlasca on behalf of Emperor Peony of Malkuth.
TEAR: To declare war?
JADE: ...I'm overwhelmed by your brilliant political insight.
ANISE: Actually, feeble-minded friends, we're on a mission of peace.
JADE: Anise, shh. Why don't you two take some time, stretch your legs, and then agree to help us so we don't have to arrest you?
LUKE: ...yeah, that sounds totally fair.

ANISE: Luke, for whom I have nothing but the most sincere admiration, let me show you around the ship~

A tiny gold-digging leech joins the party!

[sincere]

Now we're up to date. I'll post the remainder of the script (only until Guy joins) as I get there.

[pict]

That was heartwarming and beautiful.

[sincere]

I do it for the love.