Tales of the Abyss liveplay! (inactive)

[sincere]

So I have only the PS3 and the 3DS and a very limited selection of games to play because everything else I own is in boxes, and my Backloggery tells me I never finished the 3DS Tales of the Abyss. Since I'm in a TOA mood, let's take that flimsy excuse and go for it!

By now I am trying to be kinder to your reading lists / my otherwise sad journal, so I will just be updating this one post with commentary as I play.

The original liveplays from two and a half years ago wow are here and here. So that you don't have to go back and read them, the first comment(s) will summarize the events so far in the form of a hopefully humorous abridged script that I started writing at some point for reasons I can't recall.


Currently: Heading for Kaitzur

Comments

Tales of the Abyss: The Abridged Version

[sincere]

BATICUL, CAPITAL OF KIMLASCA

LUKE: ...Boring.
GUY: Hey, Luke. Wanna mess around? I mean -- swordfight?
LUKE: Boring.
MAID: Master Luke, is there anything I can do for you? Anything at aaaaall?
LUKE: Boring.
DAD: Fon Master Ion has been kidnapped! There could be war!
LUKE: Boring.
BUTLER: Luke, your sword tutor is here.
LUKE: omg omg omg Master Van is here does my hair look okay?!
MOM: I wish he'd play at least a little hard-to-get.

VAN: So when I give the signal, we wring his scrawny little--
VAN: Oh, hello, Luke! Are you ready to practice?
LUKE: Boy am I!
TEAR: Too bad!
LUKE: Hey! No psycho is going to attack my master, even if he does apparently know her and not want me to fight her!
TEAR: Uh-oh -- a completely harmless but wacky hyperresonance!

[sincere]

A FIELD OF FLOWERS

LUKE: Where the hell are we now?
TEAR: Who knows? But let's join forces.
LUKE: ...you broke into my house... tried to kill my tutor...
TEAR: And? That was then, this is now.

A bossy musically-inclined assassin joins the party!

TEAR: Sorry about... all of that... by the way.
LUKE: Well, you should be!
TEAR: ...sorry.
LUKE: Well, it's not -- not that big a deal.
TEAR: Then stop your whining and get moving.
LUKE: ...
TEAR: Now that we're out of this pretty scenic valley, we need a ride to the capital.
COACH: I happen to have a coach, and I happen to be going to a capital...
LUKE: Sounds good. I'm sick of walking. Let's go.

JADE: Prepare the Tartarus for my ass-kicking entrance.
COACH: Holy crap the Malkuth army is chasing some bandits holy crap they blew up the Rotelro Bridge ahhh we're being steered off the roaaaad!
LUKE: Damn! That sure was ass-kicking.
TEAR: Uh, why is the Malkuth army in Kimlasca?
COACH: They're not!
TEAR: ...then by application of logic, which I occasionally use...
COACH: This is Malkuth, home to Emperor Peony the IX and also a bunch of other people with less pretty names.
LUKE: How could you make this mistake?
TEAR: I didn't recognize the area. What's your excuse?
LUKE: Well, since I was born and raised in Malkuth, I guess it is my fault-- Why the hell would I recognize Malkuth?!
COACH: Heeeey. Are you suuuure you're Malkuth citizens?
TEAR: Uh, yeah, totally.

COACH: I guess I'll let you off here and you can walk into the nearest town. ...which is a Malkuth town. By the way.
LUKE: Yeah yeah. Is Malkuth far from Kimlasca?
TEAR: Just start walking again.
LUKE: I'm starving.
TEAR: Let's have rice balls.
LUKE: What's with these... balls of rice?
TEAR: They're rice balls.
LUKE: I thought we were going to have food.
TEAR: This is going to be a long game.

[sincere]

ENGEVE

LUKE: Woohoo, a city!!
TEAR: Uh, try "dinky farming town."
LUKE: I'm gonna live it up now!
TEAR: ...whatever you say.

MERCHANT: Hey! You can't just eat my apples!
LUKE: Why not? Are they not eating apples?
TEAR: Luke, things cost money in the real world.
LUKE: Okay, my fragile mind is blown. Explain this to me, woman!
TEAR: Huh. All aristocrats must not know how to shop at stores. Okay then.

RANDOM PEOPLE: All of our food has been stolen! Again!
LUKE: Like people need food to survive, pfft.
RANDOM PEOPLE: ...I bet this jackass did it.
TEAR: I guess I'll let him get arrested, to teach him a lesson about being ignorant.

RANDOM PEOPLE: Rose! This guy is totally a food thief!
ROSE: Ahem! Important people are here?
JADE: Oh, I love observing morons get their comeuppance. Do go on.
LUKE: Who the hell are you?
JADE: Colonel Jade Curtiss. And you are?
LUKE: I'm Luke fon--
TEAR: I wouldn't say the Butcher of Hod's name to an officer of the Malkuth military if I were you.
JADE: Oh, it's all right. I have a copy of the script. I already know everything relevant about both of you. Like that you're not food thieves.
ION: Indeed! Cheagles are the thieves!
JADE: Oh, look, it's Fon Master Ion.
LUKE: ......Isn't he supposed to be kidnapped?

ANISE: Hey, have you seen the Fon Master? He seems to have wandered off during one of his fits of idealism.
LUKE: That sounds like the kid we met at the mayor's. Did he look helpless?
ANISE: That's him! ♥ Thanks, mysterious stranger!
LUKE: Hey, why isn't he kidnapped? --Damnit.

LUKE: Tomorrow we're going to go into the Cheagle Woods to prove I didn't steal anything.
TEAR: They already know that. That's stupid and also unnecessary.
LUKE: Shut up, I wasn't asking your opinion.
TEAR: Okay.
LUKE: ...really? That's okay?
TEAR: My priorities aren't the best.

[sincere]

Poor Ensign Tony, who has to explain how fonic artes works via being the only soldier in the Malkuth army who isn't awesome at fonic artes, which are kind of a big deal in Malkuth.

Tony, Tear, and Anise all take turns attempting to explain to Luke how fonic artes work, but it hurts his poor little head, so Tony just leaves it at "Jade's really good at it".

[sincere]

Oh I did already do this part in the last liveplay! I recognize it because:

JADE: Well, well, Luke. A lovely lady on each arm?
ANISE: *squeal* Oh, Colonel! ♥
TEAR: *blush* I-- I'm not... We're not...
LUKE: He's not talking about you. He must mean Anise and Mieu.

It's hilarious every time he does it. Gee whiz, they're so married, you guys. I vividly remember saying a sarcastic "ROMANCE!" on the previous liveblog. (I obviously restarted.)

[sincere]

Abridged Version...

ION: I'm sorry I dragged you into this. My presence complicates this issue. I'm sorry. It seems like my very existence complicates everything. I'm sorry for existing.
LUKE: Damn you're depressing. What exactly is going on?
ION: I can't tell you that.
LUKE: Damnit!
ION: Sorry!

JADE: You said you were kidnapped? By the previous Emperor?
LUKE: By someone, I don't know. Or care!
JADE: Astonishing.
LUKE: I forgot everything that happened before I got rescued, why bother learning new things?
JADE: Significant hmm.

LUKE: Okay, let's hear what you bastards have to say.
JADE: With the recent conflicts, it looks like there will be war. The Fon Master and I are trying to stop it, at Emperor Peony's behest.
LUKE: Then why the vanishing act, Ion?
ION: There's a conflict between people who like peace, such as myself, and people who like war. We call people who like war the Grand Maestro Mohs faction.
TEAR: That's a strange name, since Grand Maestro Mohs would never want war!
ANISE: Aww, you sweet summer child.
LUKE: Okay okay. I'll help you guys, but only if Jade bows and asks me nicely, instead of being a bastard.
JADE: Sorry, I speak "nicely" with a heavy "bastard" accent.

[sincere]

Once they're out of the meeting, the Tartarus gets attacked by griffins and ligers -- and Largo the Black Lion of the God-Generals appears! Hahaha he is as big as that entire doorway, he's at least a foot taller than the guards with him.

Jade is immediately spellcasting and takes out the two guards. Largo would really like to fight Jade the Necromancer on the principle of the thing, but he's here for Ion, so he disables Jade instead using a fon slot seal. Annoyed, Jade summons his spear and promptly rallies his minions to some teamwork, and he stabs Largo, to Luke's horror. Largo then... evaporates? They didn't actually show us, but they now act like he's not there.

[sincere]

There's immediately a skit where Luke asks if Largo is dead and Jade says "That was certainly my intent. It could prove problematic if he's still running around somewhere."

Why didn't anyone see what happened to him

I understand there was a dramatic slow-motion freeze-frame fade-to-black thing, but I assumed that was to express Luke's emotional scarring and not literally something that happened to everyone. Did they censor the stabbing for the 3DS version and stupidly render it nonsensical or something?? Does Sync swoop in and carry him off in the PS2 version? I have no memory. Whatevs.

[sincere]

The fon slot seal could take months to undo, to Jade's annoyance, but at least he has Tear and Luke to rely on. Right Luke? Right? You're not traumatized by seeing your first real violence by people on people or anything like that are you?

The Tartarus is now a battleground! The screen introduces it as "Land Dreadnaught, Tartarus," because someone doesn't know how to spell dreadnought.

[sincere]

So we get to the bridge and Jade takes the competent one inside to help him and leaves Luke to "stand watch" over the sleeping soldier they left behind. Luke correctly interprets this as condescension. He kicks the sleeping guard a bit because he is sulky and has never been asked to use his brain before in his whole life (true story), so the guard wakes up. He attacks and Luke kills him, completely by accident, and he is horrified.

Did you say "I'm a worthless reject"? Asch thinks you did! A rain of ice takes out Tear and Luke, and Jade (who dodged) is the only one conscious to witness Asch's arrival.

Asch wants to kill some bitches, but Legretta and his headvoices stop him, so they get locked up instead.

[sincere]

Or, the Abridged Version:

TEAR: I'll just sing this guard to sleep, and we'll take back the bridge from the enemy. Well, the Colonel and I.
LUKE: Sure, I'll just stay out here and accidentally kill someone oh Yulia what have I done
ASCH: You are a waste of everyone's time. Die.
LEGRETTA: ...or, we could just lock them up, being rational soldiers who follow our orders instead of randomly homicidal villains.
ASCH: Speak for yourself.

[sincere]

When Luke wakes up from his own headvoices, he gets to reexperience the trauma of having killed a person. No one is particularly concerned. They make plans to rescue Ion, which might end up with more killing noooo, and Tear tells him that if he can't stand to kill people he needs to sit in the backseat because right now survival and ending a potential war means killing the people who have control of the Tartarus. She's patient with him at first but then gets upset because of the implication that she doesn't care about killing people.

Jade busts out of jail and uses his emergency shutdown code, which is unnecessarily grim. Luke is impressed.

[sincere]

Or, the Abridged Version:

LUKE: Ngh, the last thing I remember was getting rained icicles on, and killing oh Yulia what have I done
TEAR: Stop being useless, Luke. It's like you've never robbed another autonomous human being, probably with a wife and children, of his life and future and happiness before.
LUKE: Sob
TEAR: Come on, it happens all the time.
LUKE: I don't do it all the time
JADE: Unless dissecting Luke's psyche serves some practical purpose in resuming our mission. On to rescue Ion!
TEAR: But how do we escape?
JADE: I just have to speak certain code phrases into the ship's computer. "This is the Necromancer. Initiate Operation Corpse Hunt. Danger level Virgin Blood."
LUKE: I wonder why they have such unpleasant rumors about you.
JADE: I can't imagine.

[sincere]

Jade brings us a box puzzle to find "something fun" we can use to escape (honestly...) and Tear is like, "Cool, I'm on it," until Jade shames Luke into doing it.

His idea of "something fun" is gunpowder (honestly!) so we blast our way through the wall.

[sincere]

We arrive at the exit in time to ambush Legretta, who is returning with Ion. Luke and Mieu take down the nameless guard while Jade leaps out to ninja Legretta -- throwing his spear into the ground at her feet as he jumps over her, then summoning it back to him as he lands so it appears at her neck. It was pretty cool. Really all of the action sequences on the Tartarus are pretty cool, though.

Legretta allows herself to be disarmed, but Tear is too busy staring at Legretta and being upset to sing her hymn, so we are all just standing around when a liger arrives with Arietta to upset the balance of things. Legretta takes the opportunity to get us at a Mexican standoff with the liger and the guard Luke has been goofing around with.

Things would be pretty grim if Guy didn't plunge out of the sky, land on Legretta, haul Ion off under one arm (really fast) (probably because of the cooties), and then deflect a bullet with his sword, all before even bothering to announce, "Enter the amazing Guy!"

You're the best, Guy. Standoff over.

[sincere]

And the final Abridged Version:

JADE: Ah, here they come with Ion. Aaaand... ambush!
LEGRETTA: ...Fon slot seals aren't as effective as they used to be.
JADE: Excellent. The element of surprise wins again, as long as Tear doesn't flake out now.
TEAR: ...sorry, was I supposed to do something?
LUKE: Shit, we've been surrounded.
GUY: Hax!
LEGRETTA: There is no way you did not break every bone in your body, jumping from the top of the Tartarus like that.
GUY: I said hax, didn't you hear? That means I can do anything I want. Get back in the ship.
JADE: Well! These fast-paced action sequences make my old bones ache. Ion, where's Anise?
ION: She was knocked out of a porthole while the Tartarus was cruising at a hundred miles an hour.
LUKE: P, poor Anise...
JADE: She's very sturdy. I'm sure she's fine. Let's get out of here.

A ninja moonlighting as a servant has joined the party!

[sincere]

Anise was knocked off the ship trying to retrieve Peony's letter, so we agree to head to the rendezvous point. They fill in Guy, who is bemused at all the trouble Luke has managed to get into in 36 hours. Guy introduces himself and shakes hands with everyone except Tear oh god get it away

LUKE: Guy doesn't like women.

laughing forever because I'm mean and I enjoy the antics that result from Guy's emotional trauma

[sincere]

Oracle Knights attack, to Luke's horror. I love that is end-battle commentary is different when he fights humans vs monsters. Instead of cocky bragging he's so unhappy!

The last knight ends up left to Luke, who is unable to deal the finishing blow and gets disarmed. Tear takes the knight's attack for Luke, so they camp out for the night to let her recover. Time for some fireside conversations!!

[sincere]

Ion gently tells Luke that fighting is Jade and Tear's job, and you're a civilian, so the difference in attitude is totally natural, baby. Luke wants to know how Ion can condone these deaths caused by his subordinates, but Ion is a realist, and sadly says that it's necessary -- the Order of Lorelei is dangerous now.

Luke asks Jade why he became a soldier, because... he doesn't know Jade very well. Jade does not answer this question and instead repeats Ion's sentiment that his emotions are natural for a civilian. He says that they'll protect Luke until they reach Baticul, so he can leave it to them and then return to his safe, normal, non-murdering life.

Guy knows how Luke's been raised and understands his floundering. "Outside towns, killing people isn't considered a crime, as long as it's not proven to be for personal malice," he explains. Interesting. He won't tell Luke how many people he's killed personally. Luke asks why he isn't scared and he says that fear is why he fights: he doesn't want to die, he still has stuff to do. "Like what?" Luke asks, and Guy says, "Revenge. ...Just kidding." Yes, just kidding! Ha ha! We're all laughing over here about that funny joke, bb. :(

Now, as per my policy, I will lastly talk to the most relevant person. Tear is worried about Luke, because she understands now that he's a civilian -- as in, never seen real combat or killed anyone before. She apologizes, which makes him feel super awkward, coming from the person who just got injured saving his life. But she's a soldier, and protecting soldiers is her job. He accuses her of trying to sound tough and does not actually end up thanking her or anything.

[sincere]

The next morning they're prepared to take up a triangle formation that will protect Ion and Luke in the center, which... makes Luke feel pretty crappy. He refuses to hide while other people fight for his life. He'll fight to survive.

TEAR: To kill someone means to rob them of their future.
GUY: ...And it can earn you the hatred of others.

He said, tersely, not facing Luke. Guy. I have all these feelings.

Luke stands his ground, and they concede.

[sincere]

A CUTE SKIT! Luke and Tear wonder if Anise is okay, because, you know, she fell from pretty high up, and the Tartarus was in motion, and... Jade and Ion were like, this is Anise we're talking about, she'll be fine!

GUY: This Anise sounds pretty incredible... :o

Jade says that she is a very "perky little girl" and Ion agrees that she is "dependable" and Guy is like "...I'm not hearing anything that makes me think that she's not dead". Anise is a force of nature, Jade and Ion know better.

[sincere]

St. Binah is already overrun with Oracle Knights. (Jade observes that Guy is quite familiar with Malkuth geography, for a Kimlascan. Jade, stop reading ahead in the script. Guy says that he likes reading about vacation spots. I love him.) We hitch a ride in a wagon from Engeve to avoid being seen. Tear keeps accidentally being near Guy and freaking him out.

God, what are those things. Didn't I used to call them "riding raptors"? Is that from this game or another Tales game? They look like they're raptor-dog hybrids or something, they're all shaggyfurry.

Guy's turn to assume that Luke and Tear are in lurve! He calls Luke "whipped already" and says Natalia will be jealous and Tear maliciously gloms onto his arm in retaliation hahaha that was awesome

[pict]

Well, at least someone remembers that, you know, Luke is engaged to someone who isn't Tear.

[sincere]

A small child asks if we know anyone called the Necromancer, because he wants him to bring his daddy back from the dead in one of his experiments. Jade smoothly promises to pass on the message. Luke dismisses "bringing back the dead" as a baseless rumor.

GUY: Yeah. If that were true, I'd have a few favors to ask him myself.

I'll try not to get excited every single time Guy says anything that alludes to his backstory, but man, are you ever going to eat those words, Guy. Tear inquires and Guy says that "my family and everyone in my household" were killed, and then brushes it off as something that "happens to a lot of people".

GUY: Your parents aren't around either, right, Tear? Van told me.

I just bet he did. I'll start trying next time, okay

Anyway, Jade mumbles that "where there's smoke, there's fire". He might have experimented slightly in bringing people back from the dead. God I love you assholes.

[sincere]

The governor of St. Binah, named McGovern because why not, is arguing with his son. Apparently the Oracle Knights are considered Scorers, and therefore their actions can't be restricted without direct orders from the emperor. Innnteresting. McGovern says, "You know how terrible the Hod War became with their involvement!" Innnnteresting.

Anyway, both McGoverns are suitably impressed by Jade's arrival, and give Jade a hard time about not accepting a promotion, he should be a lieutenant general by now! The younger McGovern hates Jade's face so much. "How unbecoming for Jade the Necromancer to make such a careless error. Emperor Peony must be quite disappointed indeed." Awww, Glenn bb, are you jealous because Peony loves Jade best? It's okay, you can have a rappig.

Anise wrote to say that she's safe, kicking ass at her job, has moved on ahead to slip the Oracle Knights, and is in love with Luke. Whoops, did she actually write that? Teehee! "Oh, and give my regards to Ion, too." Guy half-admires, half-chides him for getting it on with all these ladies when he's engaged.

So on to Kaitzur we go!

[sincere]

The God-Generals minus Asch are outside the gates, complaining about Jade's group and how awesome they are, killing liger queens and letting Fon Master Guardians escape and now getting the Malkuth military to clam up and say that their intelligence is classified!

Dist scoots up in his hoverchair and proclaims that only Dist the Rose can defeat Jade. Sync commands everyone to withdraw from St. Binah -- he doesn't want to aggravate Malkuth and create an incident, but Jade's group has to pass through Kaitzur to leave Malkuth, so they'll wait there. Dist sulks because everyone is ignoring him no doubt because they're jealous of his intelligence and beauty.

Jade has a sad because Largo isn't dead. Someone finally explains to Luke that the Six God-Generals are the executive officers of the Oracle Knights, Van's immediate subordinates. So... it seems like Van is probably planning for war on Mohs's orders.

TEAR: MOHS WOULDN'T WANT A WAR
LUKE: VAN EITHER
TEAR: Nuh-uh!
LUKE: Nuh-uh to you too!!
GUY: Priorities?

[pict]

I'm pretty jealous of Dist's beauty, I cannot lie.

[sincere]

Before heading to Kaitzur I spend a night in the inn and Ion explains that when he was held captive by Legretta, she took him to the local Sephiroth -- the world's most powerful fon slots -- and he can't tell us why. It's a secret!

Luke wants to know if Jade's doing okay with his fon slots sealed, and when called on his consideration, he gets all brash and obnoxious again.

After the party breaks up for the night, Jade privately concludes that Ion's constant exhaustion from using his Daathic fonic artes is unnatural, which might mean he is "the same as Luke", according to his copy of the script.

[sincere]

Another night at the inn! Luke drags Guy out of bed so that he can learn Sonic Thrust.

[sincere]

CUTE SKIT! The party discusses how difficult it's going to be to get to Kaitzur, they're going to have to ford a river, etc, and Luke asks if Anise was okay making that trip on her own.

JADE: She'll be fine. She's Anise.
ION: There's no need to worry about Anise.

Guy: ...what is up with this mysterious Anise

[sincere]

INTERESTING SKIT! Luke wants to know if Tear is a "Scorer" like the Oracle Knights apparently are, and she says no, Scorers are people who use the Seventh Fonon, she's a Melodist, who uses the fonic hymns. Can she not use the Seventh Fonon in any other way? I thought she could. Also, the Oracle Knights are "considered" Scorers, as in they have the legal rights but can't actually use the Seventh Fonon, or they all can use it?

Anyway, everyone talks about how awesome Tear's hymns are. Luke has never noticed that she has a nice voice before, but he acknowledges it, adding that, "It's a shame about the personality." He promptly turned into a kettle.

[sincere]

At Fubras River, Luke complains some but is disarmed by Ion's apologies, as usual. Jade decides to point out that Luke appears to have no idea how to use fonons in battle, and criticizes Van's teaching how dare you sir. Guy tells Luke to chill and listen to Jade, who is a professional.

LUKE: A professional killer.
JADE: Indeed I am.

Luke, nothing you can say to Jade is anything he hasn't heard hundreds of times before can hurt his feelings. Just learn how to use FOF.

[sincere]

However, from experience, I know that Luke will not learn how to use FOF, because I mostly button-mash. Fields of Fonons are where fonons of a particular element have a high concentration, which can result in artes upgrading to more powerful, elemental artes. This will only ever happen to me by accident. Moving on!

[sincere]

CUTE SKIT! Luke doesn't find this river very impressive, considering that it allegedly took out the bridge during a storm. Guy sagely tells him that the sea, rivers, all water can be extremely dangerous, especially during storms, and Tear agrees that she's heard that.

Jade genially finds you both extremely suspicious! Tear, why only "heard", isn't Daath surrounded by water? And Guy, you said you were from Baticul, right...? Tear flusters and doesn't comment but Guy easily returns that he likes the water and has even trained in maritime rescue. He definitely hasn't seen the ocean swallow any islands though!

[sincere]

We run into Arietta and her ligers at the edge of the river and she hates us because you killed Mommy. Ion and Guy explain that Arietta can speak to animals and was raised by ligers. The liger queen we killed? Yeah, that liger raised her after she was orphaned in the Hod War.

She is ready to attack, but there is suddenly a huge earthquake, and miasma starts venting from the ground, knocking her out while everyone else tries to hold their breath. Luke is literally clinging to Ion here. Tear uses one of Yulia's fonic hymns to neutralize the miasma temporarily, to Jade's eyebrow-raising. But since we're on a short schedule, let's just murder this unconscious little girl we orphaned a second time!

Luke strongly objects, and Ion echoes it. Jade is annoyed that they are getting in the way of his murdering someone who is definitely going to continue attempting to murder them in the future, but he allows himself to be talked into it.