dreaming on

Someone help me plz. ;_;

I need new shoes.
Ones that don't suck.
Ones that don't cost $90 for a piece of leather and straps.
Ones that fit human beings with huge honking feet like mine.
(I'm a 14 wide. Payless refuses to carry shoes that fit me. As far as they're concerned, women whose feet are larger than a 13 wide should be shot.)

Where do you guys go for nonsucky nonbankrupty shoes?

I'm not in pain yet!

I was freaking out before I became very dispassionate and eventually unconscious and woke up a minute later to find the surgery done. No complications yay.

( Hey, Too Much Information! How are you? )

Saturday
Everyone always makes fun of the way I travel. For a weekend visit I bring a carry-on case of clothes and gifts and the like, and my laptop briefcase, and my giganto purse-slash-knapsack. I bring my big bulky jacket, which usually has no less than five pounds of junk in any given pocket. I give off this hobolike impression, according to my family, traveling everywhere I go with every possessoin I can keep on me.

To spite them, I decided to travel without my pursething this week. I cleared out my wallet, my important information, my iPod cord, my books, etc and moved them into my main luggage. I was very proud of myself.

Forgot that I don't have legitimate photo ID and need to use my passport.

The guy at Logan airport looks at me, looks at my ticket, looks at me. He goes, "You've been... selected for additional security inspection... I can't imagine why."

What, I'm too white middle-class Jewish girl to be a terrorist? Now my feelings are hurt. I told him, "I don't have photo ID."

"Oh," he says. "That'll do it."

I'm told to anticipate pain when I attempt to go back through JFK airport without my photo ID. In fact, my mother suggested they might not allow me to board a plane. Which is... retarded and absolutely will not happen. You, visitor from another state! You have to live here in the airport until someone can mail you your photo ID!

Sunday
I get a new haircut. To demonstrate my utter dorkiness: the woman who's cutting it uses this rosy-smelling gel on it. Then she spritzes me with something lilacky. Then she combs it with something else flowery. Then she spritzes and gels it again with yet more flowery-scented things...

I think, I must smell like Marluxia.

Also Sunday
I discovered that in the nine months of my absence, my dinky little town has turned into a TV drama.

1) My cousin, the same one who used to be terrified of butterflies because his co-dependent mother raised him neurotic, was expelled from high school a month prior to his graduation for setting off firecrackers in the school hallway and deafening a girl for several days.

Look out, SUNY Albany. Assuming that you don't retroactively un-accept him.

2) Long time family friend of ours and sometime employer of my parents was thrown into jail, twice, by his wife. They've been together for years and I remember them at my graduation party last July being very happy with their second baby.

Apparently she's a sociopath and the last few years and two babies have been a studied attempt to milk him for all he's worth. She can't stand him in reality and pre-meditatedly cleaned out his bank account, his business, his entire house -- she even took the cooking spices. Currently embroiled in a legal battle for custody of the kids.

3) Oh, and a helicopter crashed into my high school a few weeks ago.

Monday
Bought three volumes of manga, "A Game of Thrones," and the DVD of Tron and didn't pay a cent. ♥ Dad.

We went to a Chinese food buffet and no fewer than twice this same boy, maybe eleven years old, seeks me out while I'm at the buffet table and reaches out to take my hand and stroke it gently, then goes on his way.

...what?
Jesus, is that you?
Am I the chosen one?
Is there an aura of death about me?

Kinda... totally... creepy.

Countdown to horrible surgery: 60 hours.

This week was a nightmare and it's only going to get worse from here on out. Until probably May 23rd or so my life is going to be pure hell. Finals on top of finals on top of projects on top of board meetings on top of resume-submitting on top of widsom teeth...

If I'm ignoring you, unusually quiet, or otherwise making you feel shafted, forgive me until next week. I'm very talented at multi-tasking and it's typical of me to juggle things, an entertainment in each hand and work in the air, but right now it's kind of reached the point where I can only hold onto one entertainment to distract myself, and the other hand has work, and more work is in the air threatening to smack me in the face.

I will return to having fun shortly, despite my hell.

(*itches to write more drabbles, but alas*)

...I'm supposed to be selecting classes for fall semester. I need to be a full-time student to get insurance. Unfortunately, I don't want to take any of these classes. Sixteen courses on the school media librarian concentration, another five on serving the ambiguous "underserved" taught by a professor I already hate anyway...

If I were less of a total fake, I would drop out. I don't want to be a librarian. My projected life is something like: graduate, join a publishing company and/or become a professional administrative assistant and/or become an uber systems engineer, eventually write a book or something. My ideal life is something like: write the script for a video game, get recognized and hired, and write script for a living.

None of these things really have anything to do with library science. This degree is just a waste of my time and my money, just so that I can have it sitting around my apartment and wave it around at interviews.

But I'm too much of a coward to drop out. My only problem is that I can't see myself being a full-time student next semester. I just have less than no interest in taking Appraisal of Archives and Manuscripts.

I'm going to skip registration for another day, and play video games. I'm almost at the part where Sora eats Roxas, and then I can play Suikoden.

Two wisdom teeth came through in September, both on the right side. The upper one is angling into my cheek weirdly and should be removed. The lower one is okay. The lower left one is impacted and half-buried under gum, which promises to cause many trouble. The upper left one is still hiding, but like all wisdom teeth, has sworn to emerge with extreme pain at an inopportune time in my life, and probably also be angled into my cheek from the look at it.

They should all come out.

The actual visit wasn't bad, they hardly touched me, it was a single X-ray and about twenty collective seconds of mouth-poking. I told them to make sure I was very unconscious and they promised me I would be.

But I read the papers they gave me describing preparation for the procedure and what I could expect afterwards, and those had me in tears.

oh god this is gonna suck

May 18th.

Today on the way to the work I saw a squirrel running off with... a wallet. O_O

On the subway they have these signs that say, "Your tax dollars keep this vehicle clean. Do your part by retrieving all your belongings," IE don't litter. But what I want to say is, if my tax dollars clean the subway car, aren't I already doing my part? If there's nothing to clean, do I get to keep my taxes?

I need more kinds of microwaveable meals. Chef Boyardee and cheap mac-and-cheese only work for about a month before my internal organs rebel.

Don't let me not call the oral surgeon. It occurred to me today that it's been six months since the massive pain of my wisdom teeth starting to come in, and I still haven't been to see anyone to see if they need removal. I am suffering a crippling terror that my teeth are slowly being knocked out of line or damaged or infected somehow while I've been wasting time telling myself I'll totally call a surgeon to look at them. There are tears in my eyes thinking about it. Please god don't let them need to do anything to me without me being totally unconscious for the surrounding week.

[[SCENE: The front door opens. KAY is at her desk in her room with the door open. CLARISSE enters the apartment.]]

KAY: Hello~!

CLARISSE: So I survived a crane falling onto the building next to mine and killing three people.

KAY: ...I'm sorry what?

[[THE END.]]

Saturday, 1AM: Kay goes to sleep early.
Saturday, 10AM: Kay wakes up, sees no reason to be awake, goes back to sleep.
Saturday, 1PM: Kay finally gets up, feeling great.
Saturday, 5PM: Kay coughs a few times.
Saturday, 7PM: Kay feels like death.

The fact that somewhere between going waking up and 7PM I had become sick was, to say the least, startling. My muscles ached, my throat itched, my head pounded, I was unusually cold and no amount of layers was making me feel warm. As far as I could tell, I had a nightmarish fever, because it was burning my skin through two layers of cloth when I felt my forehead.

Saturday, 10PM: Kay tells herself it's time to go to bed, because she feels like death.
Saturday, 10:30PM: baitedbreath gets online. Kay delays bed to have shiny words with her.
Saturday, 11PM: madfnorder returns from away. Kay delays bed to have plot discussion with him.
Sunday, 1AM: Everyone gets offline. Kay collapses onto the bed.
Sunday, 3AM: Kay wakes up and feels like Hell has turned off the heat.

I literally wake up aching and clammy, shivering compulsively, and with my head a solid block of pain. I can hardly swallow and sleep again feels impossible. But somehow I stagger into the bathroom, take as much ibuprofen as I can justify and then some more, and try to tell myself to be grateful for the small things.

To be grateful for -- my nose somehow survives still intact, I can even breathe through it better than my throat, inasmuch as I can breathe through my nose, what with the deviated septum and all. And even though my throat itches fiercely and coughing is terribly painful, I am not compelled to cough, so excepting minor exertion I can avoid it.

Sunday, 5AM: Kay wakes up again, aching horribly. Tosses, goes back to sleep.
Sunday, 8AM: Kay wakes up again, aching horribly. Gets up, because the bed is sweaty and gross. Writes an LJ post to share her misery. It feels like the fever has broken: no longer burning to have direct contact with my forehead.
Sunday, 8:30AM: Hopefully, Kay gets back to sleep and sleeps until noon and then is able to breathe and move again.

Other things to be grateful for -- I'll have an excuse to cut short my phone call to Mom!

Super Princess Peach is a ton of fun in a very tiny cartridge. Soon to arrive: Tales of Phantasia! Later this month: Suikoden V and Kingdom Hearts 2! After that: bankruptcy and failing out of school! For some reason every game I want decided to come out in March this year.

I've never done this income tax business before and I'm putting it off because it promises to be so ugly. Why, why do I have to file three different times? The IRS needs an "income tax for dummies" website, because their current one makes me want to cry and just generally leaves me feeling totally incompetent. At least with a "for dummies" site, I would be able to feel competent at the retarded level. They keep referring to mysterious things like "If applicable have a copy of your 1099 form handy", but then I have to do ten minutes of digging just to find out what a 1099 form is and who is applicable for one.

Interest on my student loans? That's great. How do deductions work? For that matter, what do my student loans look like? I haven't seen or heard from them since they sent me a check for the overflow.

I'm an incompetent human being and hate life. Sticking to video games.